


The Other Half of Me

by Morgana_avalon



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 21:20:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 68,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18396584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgana_avalon/pseuds/Morgana_avalon
Summary: Legolas finds the other half of his soul.





	1. Chapter 1

The Other Half of Me

 

Ever since we met on the plains that day, Eómer has been watching me. I noticed the way his eyes follow my every move and have been aware of his interest in me right from the start.

 

Feigning slight intoxication, I hope my current state will put him at ease, but although I sense his gaze upon me, he does not seem inclined to approach me. Eómer remains at a distance. Maybe I should add – a *safe* distance. I am not sure why he is apprehensive to approach me: I put out as many signals as he did. Eómer should know that I am interested in him as well. It might get complicated though if he convinced himself that an Elf like me could not possibly be interested in a Man like him. Eómer is mistaken then – greatly mistaken.

 

It started the day we happened upon Eómer, who was leading his Rohirrim away from Rohan – the day Grima, that snake, managed to had Eómer banished from the Golden Hall of Meduseld. I remember that meeting vividly – the way his Men surrounded us and Eómer challenging us. I aimed an arrow at his heart that day. Eómer offending Gimli was not the primary reason why I reacted like that. It was something else – something underlying – obscure and hidden. Back then, I wondered about my action. Today, I understand my behavior from back then. I had reacted to Eómer’s presence. I had reacted to the challenge he had posed to me. I had reacted to Eómer– to his very being – to the attraction between us, which had been instant and intense.

 

He had sensed it too. The look in his eyes had told me so – and even now it tells me that he is aware of the attraction. This cat and mouse game held a certain measure of appeal, but it grows old quickly. The question however remains: what do I do? Do I continue to play his game? Or shall I call him upon it? I pick up two pints of ale and head toward him. The expression in his hazel eyes changes: it turns cornered, but I do not plan on offering him an escape.

 

“Here, maybe we should hold a drinking contest of our own.” I shove the pint into his hand and move away again so he cannot hand it back to me. Eómer cocks his head and draws out the look he gives me. I would love to know what is going on in his head. He is a warrior like me, but he is also a Man, which makes him unpredictable in my eyes.

 

“I saw what happened to Gimli when he tried to drink you under the table, so I won’t even try.”

 

Such a pity. I had hoped he would play along: it would have made things easier. “Then let us enjoy the ale in peace, but not in here. I prefer to be in the open. Is that agreeable to you, Eómer?” He studies me once more and I know he is trying to get into my head in turn. He wants to know what I am up to. He is suspicious, but I do not blame him. His life was hard and he does not trust strangers.

 

“It is.”

 

Eómer is also a man of few words. I cock my head and then incline it toward the exit. “Lead on then.” I follow Eómer outside and we head for a tree that stands at some distance from the building. Eómer rests a hand against that tree – a fine oak tree – and steadies himself. That little gesture tells me that the alcohol affects him more than he wants me to know.

 

“This land is worth dying for, don’t you think?”

 

Eómer’s question comes as a surprise, but I answer it nonetheless. “This is home to you and therefore it is worth dying for.” I wonder where he wants to take our conversation and decide to let him take the lead.

 

Eómer leans his back against the oak tree and empties his ale. “Tell me about your home country… What is it like? Does it differ much from Rohan?”

 

“Mirkwood is quite different from Rohan, aye. We have large trees and we live in their tops.”

 

“Sounds wonderful…”

 

I am a bit surprised to hear the sincerity in his voice. “Rohan is beautiful too.” Eómer appears sad: maybe I should give him a reason to feel blessed for living in Rohan instead of Mirkwood. “At least you do not have gigantic, venomous spiders running wild here.” That should do the trick. Eómer raises his head and surprise colors his eyes.

 

“Spiders?”

 

Is it my imagination or did he shiver just now? “Aye, they are large, hairy, and extremely poisonous.”

 

“I hate spiders…” Eómer lowers his head again and stares at the ground beneath him. “I need to sit down… I had too much ale…” Slowly, he slides down the trunk of the tree and ends up sitting on the grass.

 

I sit down next to Eómer and study him. He is handsome in a rugged way. His hair, unkempt and unruly, frames a sturdy, but striking face. I like it best when he smiles, like he did when the Hobbits sang and danced just now. “Why do you drink that much?”

 

“Why?” He lifts his gaze and sadly looks at me. “Why do we drink? To forget?”

 

My heart goes out to him. I place my hand upon his -- a gesture which seems to go against my silent, often secretive nature -- but I have to reach out to him. As a fellow warrior, I know the horrors he has seen on the battlefields. It took me centuries to learn how to properly deal with the dreadful memories. Eómer does not have that much time. “But the memories will still be there when you wake in the morning – when you are sober.” Eómer gives me the saddest look ever: I need to know what haunts him. “What evil torments you?”

 

“It is not something that happened in the past… It is a dream… It visited me for many nights in these past years and I do not think it will ever go away.”

 

“Will you tell me about it?” I move closer to him and much to my surprise – and delight – Eómer rests his head against my shoulder. Unable to resist this invitation, I wrap an arm around him in turn. “Tell me.”

 

“I am on the battlefield…fighting Orcs… There are so many of them… We cannot win… The corpses of my trusted Rohirrim surround me and their dead eyes stare at me – accusingly.”

 

The sadness that speaks from his voice touches my heart and I rub his back in a soothing way. “Life is like that – for us. We find death on the battlefield… It will never leave us alone.” Eómer nods against my shoulder and I grow quiet having realized that he is not done yet.

 

“But then, I see her… Eówyn is among the fallen… I run toward her and scream my anger at the heavens…”

 

I stroke his hair and that gesture calms him down. “That is a horrid nightmare indeed.” His sister is dear to him and to see her on the battlefield and among the casualties must torment him. “Chances are little though that your nightmare will come true. Her place is not on the battlefield.”

 

“You do not know her…” Eómer presses closer against me and his right hand finds mine. He twines our fingers and squeezes tight. “She wants to be a warrior. She wants to fight…”

 

I am at a loss for words. What words can possibly console him? “We do not know what the future will bring, Eómer. Chances are that your dream will never come to pass.”

 

“But what if it does? What if she finds a way onto the battlefield? I smother each chance she gets and she holds that against me… I see it in her eyes… But I do so in order to protect her!”

 

“You love your sister and she knows that… Eómer, you cannot control the future… Let it come to pass and when it does, act… Do not torment yourself over it now.” Eómer lifts his head and gives me a look that speaks of wonder. I smile at him. “What does that look mean?”

 

“How did you come so wise?”

 

I smile again. “Eómer, I am old… I have seen things you can merely dream of.”

 

“How old?” His expression changes again, and this time to a mixture of curiosity and awe.

 

“Thousands of years.” How will he react to that? Ah, with open-mouthed surprise!

 

“How old?” Eómer gasps.

 

“You heard me. There is no need for me to repeat myself.” I push an unruly strand of dark-blond hair away from his face and behind his ear. “You might be young, Eómer, as you belong to the race of Man, but in your eyes, I see an old soul…” Maybe that is what attracts me to him – Eómer does not ‘feel’ young to me. His soul feels old…like mine.

 

Eómer’s gaze suddenly shifts away from my face and he stares at our hands, still locked in his lap. He looks at me again with something akin to shock in his eyes. He opens his mouth in order to protest, but I stop him. “No, you are not trespassing. If anything, we are in this situation because I maneuvered you into it.” Eómer’s expression tells me that he has not caught on yet. “I lured you away from the mass and into the open so we could talk. I wanted to create a more…intimate… setting.” I know that I read the signals he sent correctly, I know that, but I am not sure how he will react now that I am addressing them.

 

“But why?”

 

Eómer does not pull away his hand; neither does he move away from me. These little things tell me all I need to know. “You feel it as well… This attraction.”

Eómer cocks his head: he appears lost in thought, but I know that he is gathering his senses like he were preparing for battle. I cannot allow that though. I do not want to wage war with his mind or his emotions. If anything, I want to bring him relief from his dark dreams.

 

“Maybe,” Eómer admits in a shy voice. “Maybe I am attracted to you, but why bring these feelings into the open?”

 

I place a finger beneath his chin and lift his face as I want to see his eyes. “Do you think me attractive?”

 

“I do…”

 

The fact that Eómer’s voice trembles takes me aback. I never saw such reference, such open adoration in someone’s eyes before. “Eómer, the attraction is mutual, so why not act on it?”

 

Eómer swallows hard and he needs a moment to gather his courage. “Because you are…exquisite… You are pure… untouched… natural… You are everything I ever dreamt of – and everything I cannot have.”

 

“That is nonsense!” I state firmly. “Why do you think that?”

 

“You are an Elf… I am merely a Man…”

 

For the first time in decades, I blink… Eómer actually stunned me. I finally figured him out. “You are right… I am an Elf and you are a Man… That does not mean my worth is greater than yours. Do you not understand, Eómer? It is all about your heart, soul, and character…” I have the feeling though that words alone are not enough to make him see the error of his ways.

 

“Legolas…”

 

I close my eyes in bliss at hearing him speak my name. It is the first time that he does so. I open my eyes again and smile at him. “No… say no more… The night is short and I do not want to waste the little time we have left with words. Just answer me this… Have you lain with a male before?” My directness brings shock onto Eómer’s face, but then he nods. “In both ways?” Another nod confirms my suspicion. “Good.” I rest my hand at the nape of his neck and pull him closer so I can kiss him. I ignore the startled expression in his eyes and concentrate on getting to know the taste of him. He tastes of the wild – of camp fires, ale, and leather, and yet, at the same time, there is something sweet to him as well.

 

“Legolas… No… what are you doing? We cannot… Not here… not like this!”

 

“Why not? We are no strangers to love…” Why is he insecure about himself? Does he not know how striking he is? “Listen to me, Eómer… And look me in the eyes.” For one moment, he seems to want to fight me on this, but then he complies and our gazes meet. “You are everything I desire in a mate… You are strong. You hold your own on the battlefield and you are one of the few I entrust to watch my back to…” Eómer attempts to interrupt me again, but I shake my head and rest a finger across his lips. “Hear me first.” I have the feeling that he desperately needs to hear these words.

 

“But there is more to you. You are a warrior, yes, but there is another side to you as well. I watched you when you did not think I was looking. You are compassionate… wise… gentle… you care… You are like the sun… You burn down your enemies: ruthlessly and with a vengeance, but you nurture and care about the ones you love. You are a force to reckon with – a force that I want at my side in battle and in my bed in times of peace.”

 

“You move too fast…”

 

Eómer might be right, but if that is the case, why does he not move out of my arms? Instead, he stays where he is. “Do not worry… I do no intent to ravish you tonight…” But I did want to test the waters.

 

Eómer seems relieved at hearing that and rests his head against my shoulder once more. “That reassures me…”

 

I slide my fingers into his hair in a gentle attempt to disentangle the knots in them. “We can spend the night out here, if you wish.” I would rather not though, because from where we sit we look out upon the lined up corpses of the fallen Elves below us. We will burn their bodies tomorrow after holding a small ceremony. A raw ache slices through my heart at recalling that Haldir is among the fallen. Proud and beautiful Haldir… My heart mourns the loss, but at the same time, I know I must move on. I cannot lose myself in grief. I did that once before and almost paid with my life for it.

 

“I do not want to stay here…so close to death.”

 

Eómer’s gaze shifted toward the fallen Elves as well and I nod to show I feel the same way. “Where do you wish to go?” Slowly, I release him from my hold, and as I get to my feet, I pull him along. When we stand face to face, I stroke his face and bestow a chaste kiss onto his brow.

 

“My rooms,” he says while growing flustered.

 

Ah, I did not think he would be that shy, but I will keep it in mind. I take his hand in mine, which makes him look at me in surprise. Although my interest in him is welcome, it is also unexpected, at least on Eómer’s part.

 

We walk back to the hall and Eómer guides me down the long and now dark corridors. The Men and Elves who survived the battle for Helm’s Deep rest side by side, some asleep, others contemplating the battle that took place not so long ago.

 

“In here…” Eómer opens a door and leads me inside. “These are my rooms…”

 

A look tells me that they are sparsely furnished, but all we need is a bed, and the room has one – a big one at that. Next to me, Eómer shivers. He is cold then. “Go to bed… I will build a fire and then join you.” Eómer looks like he wants to protest, but then he nods and moves toward the bed. While he lights a candle on the nightstand, I start a fire in the fireplace. It takes me a few minutes to get it going, but once it burns, I return to the bed and seek out Eómer’s face. He sits on the side of the bed, still fully dressed, and his eyes speak of loss and sadness.

 

Silently, without speaking a single word, I get him out of his boots and clothes. He does not protest – he allows me to do as I please. Once he is naked, I lift his feet and tell him to lie down. Again, he obeys. He curls onto his side and stares into the fire. I do not know if it is the ale affecting him, or whether he has these gloomy moods often, but I do know that I want him to be at peace.

 

I remove my clothes in turn, place my hunting knives within easy reach of the bed, and slip into place next to him. His hair obscures his face and I move the strands aside. “Eómer…” My voice draws him from whatever place his mind wandered off to and his gaze focuses on me. “You will not have any nightmares tonight… I promise. I will guard your sleep.”

 

“I do not think you can do that, but… it is a nice thought…”

 

I open my arms and Eómer moves into them. I bite onto my bottom lip in order to hide my dislike of his icy cold feet which press against mine. It is my duty to warm them though and to make sure Eómer is comfortable. He might not realize it yet – not fully anyway – but when he allowed me into his bed just now, he allowed me into his life and that means, I have a new mate…

 

~~~

 

I could easily lose myself in watching Eómer sleep. The fact that he closed his eyes fascinates me. He must have been exhausted to sleep so soundly. It came as no surprise that nightmares tried to creep upon him during the night, but I soothed him and by doing so, I chased them away. I wonder how long it will take Eómer to figure out that Elves do not need to sleep and that I only went to bed so I could hold him in my arms for just a few hours.

 

The sun rises and sends her beams through the windows of Eómer’s room, telling me that it is almost time to wake Eómer and to make ready for the day. A day, which will be filled with much grief, for I will say goodbye to Haldir and all the other Elves fallen in battle. But I do not wish to think about that just now – right now Eómer is in my arms and I want to cherish the moment.

 

“Are you watching me?”

 

I smile at hearing Eómer’s voice unexpectedly. “Have you been awake for long?”

 

Eómer opens his eyes and shakes his head lightly. “A few seconds…”

 

“You are…” Words escape me to describe the very essence of the Man in my arms. “You are everything I want…” I lean in closer and kiss him again – this time, on the lips. Eómer’s eyes widen momentarily and he tenses against me, but then he relaxes into the kiss. He parts his teeth and allows me to explore his mouth. My fingers move through his hair out of their own accord.

 

Loud banging on the door makes us pull apart, but most unwillingly. “Eómer, Théoden King has asked for you!”

 

“Duty calls,” Eómer says with a hint of regret in his voice. “I will be there!” he calls out to the guard and then focuses on me again. “What do I do with you? You do not take no for an answer, do you?”

 

Smiling, I shake my head. “I know what I want and I know how to get it.”

 

“And you want me… Though I do not understand why…”

 

“Aye, I want you and I told you my reasons last night…” I had no idea Eómer was so insecure – he always radiates authority when he is among his men. “Go to your King then… I need to attend to my slain Kinsmen.”

 

“Will I…?”

 

Eómer doesn’t finish his question and I wonder what he wanted to ask me. “Say it…” I stroke his brow and smile reassuringly at him. “Tell me…”

 

“Will I see you tonight?”

 

Ah, my company is wanted after all. I do not like it that Eómer is at odds with his feelings, but I have to believe that he will sort them out – if necessary with my aid. “I will find you tonight.”

 

“Legolas, I…”

 

Again he hesitates. I nod, hoping it will encourage him to continue.

 

“I…care…about you…in turn, but… You are an Elf… You won’t grow old… I will…”

 

Is that the thing that worries him? “I had lovers before you, Eómer and I learned how to deal with the loss. And you are right, it is never easy, but I promise you this: I will love you until the end… I will love you and support you. I will be there when you die and I will let you go… But I will never let go of the love that binds us. I will always cherish your love for me in my heart.” I hope those words will reassure him. “Do not fear… Aye, you will grow old, but you will always remain beautiful to me because it is your heart, your soul, that makes me love you… Not this unruly mob you call hair!”

 

For one moment Eómer stares at me in shock, but then he burst out in laughter. Good, that was the reaction I had hoped for. “Now go, wash up, get dressed, and attend to your King…and maybe, if it pleases you, think of me today and remember that I love you.” I place another kiss onto his lips and then leave the bed. Now that the day is upon us, our duties call, but when the night comes, Eómer will be mine again.

 

~~~~

 

In the end, saying goodbye to Haldir and my Kinsmen is harder than I thought. We had put their bodies onto the pyre and then lit it. The dark smoke that now rises to the heavens tells of their death and the immense loss we suffered. Haldir, my friend and brother in arms, I will never forget you. You will always live on in my heart.

 

A hand settles on my shoulder and the fingers squeeze gently, encouragingly. I turn my head in order to show Aragorn that I appreciate the support when I find Eómer standing there. Turning toward him, his hand slips from my shoulder and I quickly catch it within mine. Clasping his hand in mine, I cock my head questioningly as I did not expect him here.

 

“Théoden ended the meeting early and I thought…that maybe…you would…” Eómer grows shy again and moistens his lips nervously.

 

“You thought correctly. It is thoughtful of you to offer me your support.” I guide his arm around my waist and lean into him. Gimli makes an odd noise and I look at him. “Is something amiss?”

 

“Hum…” Gimli’s eyes widen slightly, but then he shrugs his shoulders. “Elves! 

 

Estel, who also noticed me leaning into Eómer’s embrace, merely gives me a knowing look. “Aye, let something good come out of this…”

 

By saying so, he gives me his blessing – not that I need it, but it is a good thing that my friends know about Eómer now. Should something happen to either of us on the battlefield, our friends will know how to proceed. I watch the last tendrils of smoke make for the heavens and then turn away from the pyre. I wrap my arm around Eómer’s waist in turn and guide him away from that dreadful sight. “Do you need to join your King again shortly?” I need to know how much time we have.

 

Eómer nods. “There will be another meeting in an hour.”

 

“An hour.” We have an hour then. We head back inside, and this time, I lead him to his rooms. Closing the door behind us, I search the fireplace. I might still be able to rekindle the fire and create some much needed warmth for Eómer that way. After manipulating it into burning brightly again, I return to Eómer and pull him toward the fireplace. A fur covers the floor and we sit down on it. I re-establish my hold on him by wrapping an arm around him. This time, I rest my head against his shoulder and Eómer reacts by wrapping me up in a tight embrace.

 

“It always hurts to lose someone you care about…” Eómer ventures shyly.

 

“You are right… Although I mourn the passing of all my Kinsmen, I mourn Haldir’s the deepest. He was a good friend for many centuries.”

 

“I am sorry for your loss…”

 

I raise my head and make eye-contact. To my surprise, his eyes swim with unshed tears. “What loss do you mourn?”

 

“We lost Théodred … The King’s son and my nephew… He was much more to me though… Our parents died when we were little and Théoden took Eówyn and me in… Théodred was like a brother to me… He fell in battle a few weeks ago…”

 

Caressing his face, I watch his tears fall. I feel proud of him – he is strong enough to show his pain openly. I admire him for that. “I feel sorry for your loss too, my love…” I never used endearments in the common tongue before – my love – but it seems appropriate.

 

Eómer’s expression changes and he blinks away his tears. “I still do not understand why you want me…”

 

So insecure… so strong, beautiful, and vulnerable – all at the same time. “I love you, Eómer… I love you just the way you are… Do not change…” I claim his lips again. They are surprisingly soft and I hunger to taste more of him, but this is hardly the time for it. A kiss will have to do.

 

~~~

 

“We have two days to assemble the Rohirrim and gather all our troops before we head for Gondor.”

 

Théoden just called an end to the meeting and the King already left. Estel and Gimli also head for the exit, which leaves only Eómer and me behind. During the meeting I stayed close to him as I could tell that Eómer is worried. One look tells me that Estel and Gimli have left and that I am alone with Eómer. I walk up to Eómer and rest my hand on his shoulder. That gesture makes him raise his head and focus on me. I dislike seeing the gloomy expression in his eyes. “Do not despair.”

 

Eómer sighs deeply. “Even if every soldier answers the call, there will be too few to stop the enemy. This is a lost battle.”

 

“Nothing is ever lost…” I step up closer to him and fold an arm around his shoulder. He looks alarmed and I calm him down at once. “We are alone. No one watches us.” I reckon he does not want our relationship known to his Kinsmen yet, especially since he did not accept it yet himself.

 

“Legolas…”

 

I wonder what is on his mind and I want to know, but this is neither the time nor place for it. “The night is ours. What do you wish to do with it?” I want him to take the lead as he seems insecure about this attraction and I do not want to lose him because I go too fast.

 

“I want to go out riding.”

 

I nod to show my approval. I would rather have him riding me in the privacy of his rooms, but that is not an option yet. “Then let us take out the horses.” Eómer gives me a surprised look and it makes me arch an eyebrow, another first in decades. “What puzzles you?”

 

“Why do you so easily accommodate me?”

 

“I want you to be happy and if going out riding makes you happy then we will do that.”

 

“Is it as simple as that?” Eómer’s voice echoes disbelief.

 

“It is.” I take his hand in mine and am surprised to feel a chill to it. I pull him along, out of the hall and toward the stables. I mount Arod and wait for Eómer to bring out his horse. Once we are both ready, I tell Arod to move forward. A minute later, our horses stretch their legs and they are not the only ones reveling in this momentary sense of freedom. Eómer looks at me from over his shoulder and I laugh at him. The smile which I receive in turn is pure and unbridled. I love seeing him like this – this is Eómer’s true nature.

 

We come to a stop twenty minutes later. It is a calm night. There is no wind and a blanket of stars fills the dark heavens. The moon is pregnant and shines radiantly in her silver cloak. I let Arod graze and lie down on the grass so I can study the heavens above me. Eómer joins me and I rejoice when his hand covers mine. He lifts my hand and caresses my fingers with his. The touch is gentle and filled with reverence. It makes me wonder what kind of lover he is in bed.

 

“It is a beautiful night,” Eómer whispers. He turns onto his side and I do the same so we are face to face. “Legolas…” Eómer raises his other hand and caresses my face. I close my eyes in bliss. “I do not know what happened that day when we first met. I was angry with Grima and in a way with my uncle too, but when I saw you something changed. I was no longer interested in finding out your companions’ names. I was only interested in finding out yours and when you aimed that arrow at me… I cannot explain it… It is like you fired that arrow at any rate, straight into my heart…”

 

I smile at him and rest a hand on his hip. “I felt the same way – for me, the attraction was instant as well. When you left, I hoped our paths would meet again.”

 

Eómer moves closer and his lips tentatively reach for mine. I answer the kiss and draw him closer to me so I can wrap my arms around him. Our kiss, which began rather innocently and chaste, quickly deepens and his tongue invades my mouth. I let him taste me, but then answer his challenge and duel with his tongue for dominion. We are quite evenly matched though.

 

Eómer’s eyes are wide open and I look into them, realizing he needs the contact, the reassurance, that his advances are welcome. “Come to me then…” I whisper against his lips coyly. Eómer’s face grows delicately flustered and I smile at him in amusement. I have had lovers before, but never before one that was as shy as Eómer.

 

His right hand slips into my hair and I lean into the touch, reassuring him once more that the feeling is mutual. Eómer remains tense though, as if expecting to be rejected at any moment. His fingertips massage my scalp and the touch sends quivers of delight down my spine. “Touch me, Eómer… I want you to touch me.” I bring my arms up behind him and roll onto my back. I take him with me and Eómer ends up sprawled atop of me, just the way I had intended. Eómer still seems insecure of himself, especially now that he finds himself in this new position. “Do not think… Feel…”

 

Eómer settles more comfortable atop of me and with his right hand, he continues to caress my face in a reverent manner. That is when I realize that I have to go slow with him. I had expected him to react in a wilder, more compassionate way, but no, Eómer has other ideas. He wants to court me… No quick fling in the dark.

 

“Your skin is like liquid silver…Your hair like silk… I am almost afraid to touch you – afraid to taint you with my touch…” Eómer raises his hand and looks at his fingers, which are dark with dirt.

 

I shake my head at him in wonder, but do not attempt to change his mind. Eómer needs time to accept this. “Let me assure you that your touch pleases me, always and everywhere.” I place my hand at his neck and bring him in for another kiss as he seems comfortable with that. Wickedly, I suck at the tip of his tongue, just to test the waters again, and Eómer grows hard against me. Aye, he wants this – he is just too shy to make the next move and I respect that. “We have a few nights left before fate will send us onto different paths.”

 

Eómer ends the kiss and gives me a wondering look. “What do you mean?”

 

Tracing his cheekbones with my thumb, I explain my words to him. “Some Elves are gifted with foresight. Sometimes I see glimpses of the future. Our paths will separate when we reach the Dimholt road.”

 

Eómer lowers his gaze and appears lost in thought. “We will reach that road in three days. Théoden assembles his army there.”

 

“You are right… So what do we do with the nights given to us?” I would make love to him before we must separate, but only if Eómer wishes it. I would love to take that memory with me on the ghastly road that lies ahead of me. Eómer bites onto his bottom lip – which I find inviting. I want to suck and bite into that lip as well, but then again, I want to do more than just that.

 

“I am not sure I can give you what you want… Not that quickly at any rate… I…” Eómer moves off of me and sits next to me. “I need to get to know my lover… I need to feel comfortable around you first… I…”

 

His eyes tell me the truth – the words he cannot or does not want to say. I sit upright and turn toward him. I place my hands at either side of his hand and my fingers move into his hair – still unruly and unkempt and exactly the way I love it. “Do not put me onto a pedestal, Eómer. Do not worship me. I have flaws, just like you.” Eómer smiles at me in disbelief. “You might not believe it, but I have been known to lose my temper… Eómer, I often speak rashly and do not think about the consequences. That way, I hurt the ones dear to me. I made my share of mistakes in the past. Man or Elf is of little consequence…”

 

“I have a hard time believing that…”

 

Something in Eómer’s eyes has changed though. The adoring expression is still there, but he no longer looks at me with such worship in his eyes. “I am like you, Eómer… Do not think me better than that.” Eómer reaches for me, wraps me up in his arms, and pulls me against his chest. Greedily, I draw in his musky scent. He does not speak and merely holds me like that. I allow it, but then raise my head to find out his thoughts. Eómer’s eyes are moist with tears and I kiss them away before they have a chance to fall. “Do we understand each other?”

 

“I think so…my love…”

 

At hearing that, I rest my head against his shoulder and allow him to continue to hold me. It appears I got through to him at last.

 

TBC

 

Part 2

 

During the day, I see little of Eómer and when he is close, I have to act composed. I feel Gimli’s gaze upon me though whenever I stand too close to Eómer and catch the Dwarf’s grin when I answer the challenging look he gives me. I know he is happy for me, as he told me so the other day, but he is also a warrior and knows how easily death can break such bonds of love.

 

We are on the road again now that Théoden is assembling his army and we will come upon the Dimholt road tomorrow evening. Then it will only be a matter of time before Estel will accept his destiny. Once he does, the Dimholt road is the only path he can take. But until then, I have time.

 

That evening we make camp and we cannot retire to the privacy of Eómer’s rooms any longer. Now that we are on the move, there won’t be any privacy at all. All we will get are stolen moments if we do not manage to find a spot hidden from view. So once we settled down for the night, I explore the encampment in search of exactly such a spot. I find one, hidden in the crevices of the mountain in whose shadow we camp, but I doubt it will offer us privacy for long.

 

I seek out Eómer at the camp fire that evening and instantly notice his nervousness. “Eómer, I would like a word with you.” I opt for a more formal approach as his men sit close to him. I have no desire for them to find out yet.

 

Eómer mutters something beneath his breath, but then rises from the earth. He falls into step next me and gives me a curious look. “What are you up to?”

 

“Not much – rest assured. Our surroundings demand us being discreet.” I have no desire to embarrass him. I lead him to the spot which I discovered earlier and he follows quickly. We huddle next to each other and I wrap my arm around him. Eómer leans into the touch and rests his upper body against mine. I can tell that something worries him and hope he will share his thoughts with me. “Why are there such deep lines on your brow, my love?”

 

Eómer sighs and reaches for my hand. He twines his fingers with mine and raises it to his heart. “The conversation we had last night has been on my mind today. I considered your words.”

 

I cock my head, Eómer notices it, and he looks at me. “What conclusion did you reach?”

 

“That I love you – even despite your flaws… And I am not sure that they are flaws to begin with. I love you, Legolas, just the way you are.”

 

“It is a pity that we are in no position to express that love… Had we still been at Helm’s Deep I might have ravished you.” I do want him, but I also know that we cannot engage in such activities right now, no matter how much I crave knowing him in that way. “It might be a while before we can make love,” I tell him, curious to find out about his reaction. This time, Eómer does not blush. He reacts differently and claims my lips in an almost brutal kiss.

 

“Who says I would not ravish you instead? Have my way with you?”

 

Oh, Eómer’s words rush through my body and cause me to grow hard. “You are a tease… Now that you know that we cannot possibly make love, you challenge me.” Although Eómer smiles at me, I see a hint of regret in his eyes. Aye, we might have made love tonight had our situation been different. But out here, with the risk of discovery around the corner, we cannot take that step.

 

“Legolas, you said that have the power to look into the future. What lies in store for us? Is there a future for us? Will we survive the upcoming battle?”

 

I wish Eómer had not asked me that question, but now that he did, I feel I must answer. “We will meet again at Minis Tirith to fight that grand battle there. We will survive and meet again… but it is not that battle that worries me… Another one will take place – one that will be fought at the black gates of Mordor and I do not know the outcome of that one.”

 

Eómer closes his eyes and draws in a deep breath. “Legolas…” His fingers caress my face and when he opens his eyes again, I see determination in his gaze. “I will find a way for us to be together at Minas Tirith… You said that we will meet again there – that we will survive that battle.” He waits for me to nod and so I nod. “You do not know the outcome of the battle that will take place in Mordor… I want to make love to you just once before we face death in that forsaken land.”

 

“I want that too.” I hope the Valar will grant us one moment of bliss before we face Sauron himself.

 

“We must return to our comrades,” Eómer says in a voice cloaked with regret. “My men will start to wonder where I wandered off to.”

 

Eómer is right of course. Our time together here is limited. “If possible I will seek you out tomorrow evening…” Looking into his eyes, I add, “That might be our last moment together. It won’t be long until Estel decides to take the Dimholt road.”

 

“I do not want to let you go,” Eómer admits in a pained voice. “Now that I have you, I want to keep you.”

 

I press the palm of my hand against his face and enjoy the friction that his facial hair causes against my skin. “No matter what happens on the battlefield in Mordor, Eómer, you will never lose me. I will always be with you – in your heart.”

 

“And you are in mine,” Eómer quickly reassures me.

 

He did not have to tell me that: I already know it in my heart.

 

~~~

 

Finding the right moment to steal Eómer away from his company is difficult. More Rohirrim arrive each second and Eómer is called upon to supervise their arrival. In the end, I manage to steer him away from the camp fire and back to our hiding place.

 

Eómer looks me in the eyes and I nod. “The moment of our goodbye draws near. Estel will leave within the hour.” Eómer closes his eyes for one moment, opens them again, and looks at me with love. He pulls my hand into his lap and uncovers an item from a pocket. I arch an eyebrow questioningly as I wonder about his intentions.

 

“I want to give you something. Yesterday, you were very certain that we would meet again, and although I want to believe you, I lack faith. I am afraid this is our last moment together.”

 

I want to tell him that he is wrong, but Eómer shakes his head and so I keep silent.

 

“I want you to have this…” Eómer opens his hand until the object on his palm is revealed. It’s a ring, made of gold and set with small gemstones. “It belonged to my father. Théoden gave it to me and said it was my father’s wedding band. I want you to have it… Even if you cannot wear it openly, you would honor me by accepting it.”

 

“Why would I not wear it?” I wonder aloud as I take hold of the ring. According to Elven standards it lacks craftsmanship, but that matters little to me, as it is Eómer who is giving it to me.

 

Eómer blinks. “I did not think you would want anyone to find out about us.”

 

I smile at him in obvious amusement. “Estel knows…and so does Gimli.”

 

Eómer is lost in thought for a moment but then remembers that day at Helm’s Deep. “They saw you wrap your arm around my waist. Did they conclude we are together after that?”

 

“I might have let something slip,” I hint, just to tease him a little bit. Then I grow serious again though. I wish I had a gift for him as well, but I do not have a ring to bestow upon him. “I do not have a ring to give to you in turn.”

 

Eómer moves my hand away from his heart and towards his lips so he can press a kiss on the back. “I do not need one in turn… But there is something else I would ask of you… if you would allow it.”

 

He managed to surprise me again. “What would you ask for?”

 

“A lock of your hair, if you are willing to part from it…”

 

Eómer is back to biting his bottom lip and it tells me that he is not sure I will grant him his request – which is folly. “I need my hand back…” I tell him and smile at him. Eómer releases my hand reluctantly and I reach for my dagger. I cut off a strand of my hair, kiss it, and place it into Eómer’s hand. “This gift comes from the heart.”

 

Reverently, Eómer closes his fingers over the hair. He swallows hard looking at it, and then he raises his head to look at me. “Thank you for this gift, Legolas, I will always cherish it.”

“I know you will.” I watch Eómer as he respectfully wraps it into a piece of cloth before slipping it safely into a pocket.

 

“You mean so much to me…” Eómer offers me a shy smile. “I will miss you.”

 

“And I will miss you, but our separation will not be for long. I will see you shortly in Minas Tirith. Believe me when I say that this is not a farewell.” I slip Eómer’s ring down my finger and smile. “It is a perfect fit.” Eómer appears taken aback and I know what upsets him. “I do not mind everyone seeing it.”

 

“My men will know what it means… Théoden, Eówyn, Gamling… Our love won’t remain a secret much longer if you wear it.”

 

I doubt he wants it to remain hidden: he would not have given me the ring otherwise. Eómer knows me well enough by now to know that I will wear it. “Does that displease you?”

 

Eómer shrugs his shoulders. “I do not know how they will react to the discovery.”

 

“Does it matter?” I question him.

 

“It should not… You are right.” Eómer remains lost in thought, but then nods. “Let them know – I feel proud to have you as my lover.”

 

“Excellent answer,” I praise him and draw him close. “That earns you a kiss.” In my heart, I regret that the memory of shared kisses is all we will have to keep us warm in the upcoming nights when we are apart – I wish we had other warming memories as well. Eómer answers the kiss most willingly and I do my best to make it memorable. “I will think of you when we are apart,” I tell him once we end the kiss. “I want you to know that you will always be on my mind.”

 

“I will think of you too, my love…”

 

Eómer blushes again when he speaks those last two words and that earns him another kiss.

 

~~~

 

I pull Gimli behind me and set out to follow Estel onto the Dimholt road. Although going there is a frightening prospect, I will not waver, knowing we will make it out alive. I have seen it. Steering Arod away from the encampment I wonder if I should look over my shoulder to see Eómer one more time. I do not have to worry about revealing my affection for him as the soldiers closest to Eómer already know. I saw them exchange knowing looks when they caught sight of the ring I wear.

 

In the end, I cannot resist temptation and I look behind. As I thought, Eómer stands there, amidst his men. His eyes beg me to make eye contact before I ride out of his life and so I do. I answer his gaze and without making any sound, my lips form the words he longs to hear – I love you. Eómer understands, nods in turn, and reaches inside his pocket where he keeps the lock of my hair. I tear my eyes away from him and tell myself to focus on the task ahead. I will see Eómer again… I know I will.

 

~~~

 

It will be a long time before Minas Tirith will be at peace again. The inner circles of the city are full of wounded people, while the outer circles are filled with the dead. Under Estel’s command the army of the Undead did away with Sauron’s minions, but healing the city, the land, and her people will take many years.

 

While Estel has taken over command of the White City with Gandalf at his side, I leave the Citadel in search of Eómer. I know he is out there somewhere – probably on the battlefield itself, searching for Rohirrim who survived the slaughter.

 

Walking on grass drenched in blood, my heart feels heavy for the lives lost here. The good people of Minas Tirith, even aided by Rohan’s army, never stood a chance. It was only the army of the Undead which managed to do away with Sauron’s threat.

 

In the distance I see a familiar helmet, one which is adorned with white horse hair. It is Eómer and I make my way over there. Just before I reach him however, he screams out in distress and runs into the opposite direction. He collapses on his knees and pulls a body close to him. I am shocked to recognize Eówyn’s features and I remember the reoccurring nightmares Eómer had. His fears became true after all. I hurry over to his side and kneel next to him.

 

Eómer still screams at the heavens and his grief overwhelms him. I feel for him, but do not give in to despair. I reach for Eówyn and he fights me, as he does not want to surrender her to me. “Eómer, I want to help…” I state calmly. I am not sure he hears me, but in the end, he allows me to examine her. “She is still alive but needs help. We need to take her to the houses of healing and we need to do so now!” Normally I would never raise my voice at Eómer, but these are not normal circumstances. “Now, Eómer, move!”

 

At long last, Eómer stirs. “Legolas?”

 

Good, at least he recognizes me. “Get to your feet, Eómer. Our work here is not done yet. We have a life to save!” I get Eómer’s horse and together we lift Eowyn onto its back. Eómer slips into place behind her and I whisper into the horse’s ear. “Run like the wind, my friend!” And to Eómer, “I will find you!” While Eómer heads for the houses of healing, I look for a horse that will carry me there as well.

 

“Take him…”

 

I did not know Gimli had followed me out here, but there he is, my trusted friend, and he presents me with a horse.

 

“Get going, laddie. Eómer needs you.”

 

“Thank you,” I say, and the words come from the bottom of my heart. “My good friend.”

 

“No need to turn sentimental on me! Now move!”

 

Realizing Gimli knows about the sincerity of the situation, I merely nod my head and take off after Eómer.

 

~~~

 

When I arrive, Eómer stands alone in the courtyard. Healers have taken Eówyn from his arms and carry her into the house. I slide off my horse, call one of the guards to me, and tell him to find Aragorn and to inform him of Eówyn’s injury. Knowing Estel he will want to help and I know for certain that he can aid her recovery. I walk over to Eómer and wrap him in an embrace. Why is he still out here and not at his sister’s side?

 

“Thank you for coming here, Legolas… They have taken her away from me… I am not allowed to see her yet… They want to examine her first.”

 

I lead him toward a bench and sit him down. I claim his hand again and rub the icy cold fingers. “Do not give up hope, Eómer. She is strong… She will survive.” Eómer raises his head and his eyes swim with tears. They drip down his cheek, fall from his chin, and onto the back of my hand. “Have faith. I send for Estel… He will help.”

 

“What can Aragorn do? If the healers fail then…”

 

“The hands of the King are the hands of a healer… Do not give up hope yet.” I squeeze his fingers encouragingly. “You are not alone…”

 

Eómer draws in a deep breath, fights down his tears, and nods. “I always knew my nightmare would come true.”

 

“Aye, it came true… Now let us find out the end of the story as well.” Eómer leans against me and I rock him, offering him my support.

 

~~~

 

One hour later, the healers allow us inside. Eómer heads for Eówyn at once. He sits next to her, but does not touch her. He is probably afraid that his touch might bring her more pain. My heart aches for him.

 

“How badly injured is she?”

 

Estel’s voice, coming from next to me, draws me away from my thoughts. “Gravely. The healers can do little for her – they can only take away her pain, but they cannot heal her.”

 

Estel nods. “Hopefully I am more successful then.” He heads for Eówyn, kneels down next to her, and attends to her needs.

 

Eómer’s expression changes from lost to hopeful upon seeing Aragorn there and he follows every move he makes. After what seems an eternity Eowyn begins to respond to Aragorn’s care. The sweat, caused by high fever, leaves her brow, and her breathing deepens. Judging the time right to intervene, I walk up to Eómer and pull him against me. “Let her rest… She will recover.”

 

Eómer allows the embrace, but his gaze is still locked on Eówyn. “You said something earlier…”

 

“The hands of the King are the hands of a healer…”

 

Estel hears my words too and looks at me. I am grateful that he finally accepted his destiny. Had he rejected his inheritance and remained a Ranger even more lives would have been lost in Sauron’s crazed quest to rule the world – including Eówyn’s.

 

“Go with Legolas,” Estel says, addressing Eómer. “I will stay with your sister and I will take good care of her… Eómer, you need to rest, and after that, you need to take command of the Rohirrim… You are King of Rohan now.”

 

That is another loss he suffered – he lost his uncle and King. Eómer tenses against me and I tighten my hold on him. “Let me take care of you…” I did not realize it until Estel had said it, but aye, Eómer is King now.

 

~~~

 

I lower Eómer onto the bed and am surprised that he does not protest my actions. Looking at him, I see why he allows it: he is dead tired and about to fall asleep on his feet. “Lie down and rest.” I do not bother undressing him – he needs to sleep first of all. I can clean him up later.

 

Eómer opens his tired eyes and gives me a sad look. “How can I rest…when so many of my men…lie dead on the battlefield?”

 

I stretch next to him and pull him in my arms. “You owe it to those men that you rest. They fought bravely and defended their King and their beliefs. You need to honor their sacrifice -- do not dismiss them.” I am not sure my words will give Eómer the support he needs, but I must try. “Tomorrow they expect to see you rested and in control. They will want to honor their new King.” Eómer’s gaze remains sad, but he will not fight me over this – it is a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. I need to lift his spirits so he will fall asleep with a good memory. “You outrank me now, Sire.” Eómer raises an eyebrow and gives me an odd look. I wonder if he knows about my heritage.

 

“What do you mean by that?”

 

Ah, I caught his attention after all – good. I place a kiss onto his lips and with my thumb I rub his cheek. “My father rules in Mirkwood. My father is an…Elven King…” I need to phrase this right. “I am his only son and therefore the Crown Prince of Mirkwood. I doubt my father will resign any time soon, so until that time arrives, you outrank me, Eómer King.”

 

I do not know why, but during my speech, a dreamy expression appeared on Eómer’s face. Does it please him that he outranks me? Or am I missing something?

 

“My sweet Prince…” Eómer turns his head slightly and smiles at me. “You are the King of my heart though…”

 

I have the feeling that something else amuses him as well. “Why do you have that silly smile on your face, my love?”

 

“If you are a Prince of Mirkwood… and provided we survive this war… Would you take me there one day? I would love to see those tall trees…” Eómer’s voice grows weaker and his eyes close again.

 

I want to remind him that he does not like spiders, but I keep quiet. I do not want to ruin his last thought before drifting asleep. Let him carry a more peaceful image of Mirkwood into sleep with him. “Aye,” I whisper into his ear. “I will take you there and we will climb the tallest tree there.” Eómer’s smile brightens and I am humbled that such a simple gesture would mean that much to him. Aye, Eómer, if we survive this last upcoming battle, I will take you home with me. I want you to see Mirkwood before we settle down in Rohan so you can rule your country.

 

~~~

 

A knock on the door does not wake Eómer, who is still sound asleep, but it does draw my attention. I leave the bed and head for the door, which I open. I am not surprised to see Estel standing there. “How does Eówyn fare?”

 

“She will make a full recovery… Eómer need not worry about her health.” A sly grin appears on Estel’s face. “But I am certain you will make sure he takes care of him. You surprised me though, Legolas. I never thought Eómer would arouse your interest.”

 

“There is much to love about him,” I explain to my friend. “You are eighty-seven years old, Estel… I, several thousand. Trust me when I say that different things become important when you have lived as long as I have. There is fire in Eómer, Estel… A warmth and gentleness that calls out to me, but it is still hidden beneath the surface. It will make him a great King though.”

 

“I wish the both of you the best of luck, mellon.”

 

I close the door now that Estel is leaving and turn back to the bed. Eómer is no longer asleep though. He is awake and sits upright in bed. “Aragorn visited just now.”

 

Eómer nods eagerly. “Did he bring news of my sister?”

 

I sit down on the side of the bed. “Eówyn is doing fine. Aragorn expects her to recover quickly.” At hearing those words, Eómer sighs, and a burden is lifted from his shoulders.

 

“I worry so much about her.”

 

“I know you do… but rest assured, Aragorn will take good care of her.” Which reminds me, I wanted to clean up Eómer. “When do your men expect you to join them?”

 

Eómer looks outside and realizes the sun is still rising. “We have an hour…” Eómer bows his head. “I am not looking forward to today.”

 

“Because you are King now?” Eómer nods and lifts his gaze, meeting mine.

 

“I was not raised to be King. I do not know how to be a King!”

 

“You need not worry,” I reassure him. “Aragorn was raised to be a King and he does not know how to handle the situation either. Your instincts will guide you. Both Aragorn and you will be great Kings because your heart is that of a King.” I place my hand against his chest, where his heart is. “I have faith in you…”

 

Eómer swallows hard. “If you have so much faith in me than…than maybe I won’t be a complete disaster.”

 

I laugh at hearing that and Eómer gives me a displeased look. “Oh, my love, you will be a good King… Do not doubt yourself, for I do not doubt you either.” Eómer’s fingers slide into my hair and he brings me in for a kiss. The moment seems right for what I have in mind, but the dirt, blood, and grime have to go first. “Not yet…” I get to my feet and ignore Eómer’s disappointed look. “Neither I, nor your men, want to see you tainted by the blood of your enemies.” When Eómer was still asleep, servants brought hot water.

 

“What are you up to?”

 

Eómer follows me into the bathroom. Once inside, he looks at the filled bathtub in disbelief. “This must be a dream.”

 

“The survivors of Minas Tirith want to thank you for coming to their aid…” I pull Eómer closer toward the tub. “Step out of those boots,” I tell him. He gives me an uncertain look, but then complies. He grows increasingly nervous once I start to remove his clothes. “What are you doing?”

 

“That is not a very intelligent question,” I tease him. “What does it look like, my love?” I got Eómer down to his undershirt and that is it.

 

“You are stealing my clothes,” Eómer says and grows flustered.

 

“Stealing them?” I laugh in amusement. “I do not need to steal anything. Raise your arms, Eómer. You managed to get blood even on that.” I point at the garment. Eómer does not comply at once though.

 

“But then I am naked.”

 

“Brilliant observation, Sire.” My teasing merely causes him to grow even more flustered. “I always thought that even Men bathed naked? Or do you wish to keep your shirt on?” Let us see how he will react to that.

 

“Oh… yes…a bath…” Eómer does not seem entirely convinced, but then he raises his arms and I dispose of the last garment. He is naked – finally. “Get in there, Eómer…”

 

“What about….” Eómer gulps.

 

I am quick at disrobing when I want to. “What, my love?”

 

“You are naked too.”

 

“You have the true makings of a King, Sire, very observant.”

 

“Stop that!”

 

Eómer playfully swats at me, but I avoid getting hit. I step into the bathtub and pull Eómer along with me. “Sit down, my love.” Eómer sits down, but I can tell by his expression that he is not sure about my plans. I do not mind. Let him wonder. I take hold of the soap, work up lather, and start to clean him up.

 

“I can do that myself,” Eómer manages at long last.

 

“But today, I will do it.” Eómer squirms uncomfortably and I know why he acts odd. He is hard, and so am I. “Eómer…” I breathe his name into his ear and slide onto his lap. I place the soap aside and my hands find other ways to busy themselves. They move into his hair, stroke his back, or even wander deeper down his front until my fingers encounter his erection. “I promised you that we would meet again… We did, and now we will make love.”

 

Eómer pants hard and seems at odds with himself. He claws at the bathtub and desperately tries not to react. “But…”

 

“No, my love… No more running away…” I lick my way up his throat and place a shallow bite close to the nape of his neck. “You are mine now.” Maybe I should prepare him for what is to come, but I cannot wait anymore. I lower myself onto his erection and push down. Throwing back my head, I growl possessively and make sure he is fully lodged inside me. I craved this for a long time and no one is going to take Eómer away from me. This moment is ours – and he is mine.

 

“Legolas, be…careful!”

 

Eómer quickly wraps his hands around my waist in an attempt to slow me down, but he won’t succeed. I want this! “Do not worry about me, Eómer… Elves are resilient…” We fit well together and I rotate my hips as I want to feel more of him. I latch onto his throat again and shower the bruised skin with butterfly kisses.

 

Eómer looks dazed, but then composes himself. “This was your idea all along. You planned this earlier.”

 

My lips desert his skin so I can answer him. “I admit to staging this. When they brought in the hot water, I realized I could not let this opportunity pass me by.” No longer interested in words, I claim his lips and start riding him. Eómer’s gaze fills with pleasure and his fingers trail down my back to cup a buttock. “Touch me,” I pant into his ear. “Touch me.”

 

Eómer wraps his fingers around my erection in turn and quickly steers me toward orgasm with firm strokes. I am close, but do not wish to come. The sensations however overwhelm me and I tumble over the edge, hoping that I am dragging Eómer with me. Eómer suddenly pulls me close, enfolds me in a crushing hug, and tenses against me. A moment later, he relaxes and his embrace loosens. I took him with me then.

 

Contentedly, I purr his name and kiss his eyelids. “That was good.”

 

Eómer traces my cheekbone with his fingers and then rests one of them beneath my chin, making me look at him. Silly Man…like I would want to look anywhere else. “I love you, Eómer.”

 

“I love you too, Legolas…”

 

I rest my head against his shoulder and trace circles on his chest. I do not know what life holds in store for us, but I do know that I found the other half of me.

 

TBC


	2. The Return of the King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the return of the King, Eómer and Legolas return to Rohan to rebuild the land.

The Return of the King

Part 1

 

Honestly? I did not expect to make it out of the war alive. I did not expect to ever see Rohan again, or the Golden Hall of Meduseld. I did not think I would ever return here, and certainly not as Rohan’s King. But here I am, about to set foot into the Golden Hall – I am home and yet everything is different. Everything is wrong. I am not supposed to be King!

 

“Eómer, move…”

 

Legolas’ voice pulls me from my musings and I step forward. I am grateful that I have his support for everything that happened in these last few weeks overwhelmed me. Théoden died, Eówyn was wounded and then, when she resided in the houses of healing, she discovered her feelings for Faramir. They wed the day before we left for Edoras and Aragorn himself bound their souls in marriage. I will never get used to calling him Elassar though. To me, he will always be Aragorn.

 

“Eómer, stop thinking and start acting!”

 

Again it’s Legolas who urges me on. He’s right. I can’t lose myself in thought – not during the day on which I return to Edoras as her King. Legolas has fallen in step beside me. He walked behind me only a few seconds ago, but he knows I need him and he moved to my side. I reach for his hand, bury it in mine, and draw in a deep breath now that I am about to take my rightful place on Rohan’s throne. Aragorn was very adamant that I rule Rohan, although I would have gladly surrendered that position to my sister and Faramir. 

 

“Hail, Eómer King! King of Rohan!” Gamling starts the cheer and soon everyone in the throne room chants along.

 

I straighten my shoulders and stare at the throne, where Théoden used to sit until recently. His son should have succeeded him, but Théodred is dead.

 

“Go on… They expect you to take your place…”

 

Legolas shoves me toward the throne. When I agreed to be his mate, I did not fully understand what I got myself into. He’s stubborn, doesn’t take no for an answer, and is convinced he knows what’s best for me. Although we have only been together for three weeks, I already learned not to fight him over certain matters. Legolas does as he thinks best, and I must admit, most of the time, he is right.

 

I release the breath I have been holding and climb the stairs to the throne – my throne. I stand before it, contemplating everything that has happened and the things that I need to do to put the land in order again. I compose myself and turn around to face my people.

 

Gamling walks up to me and presents me with Théoden’s sword. It survived the battle miraculously. I accept it, wrap my fingers around it, and then sheathe it. “I vow to protect and defend these lands until my dying breath.” Another cheer erupts from the crowd and I seek out Legolas. He stands two meters away from me and nods thoughtfully. I would have fought Aragorn’s decision harder if it hadn’t been for Legolas’ meddling. He wanted me to do this.

 

“Accept this crown, Eómer King…”

 

My eyes threaten to fill up with tears upon looking at that ancient heirloom. I still believe that I am the wrong person to rule Rohan, but it’s too late to put up any resistance. I should have done that in Minas Tirith instead. Gamling raises the crown so everyone can see it and then places it on my head. I catch Legolas’ wink from the corner of my eye. He insisted he brushed and partly braided my ‘unruly mob of hair’ as he likes to call it. Thanks to his ministrations this morning, the crown remains in place.

 

“All hail Eómer King!” Gamling calls out the words and the crowd repeats them after him.

 

It’s official now – I’m the new King of Rohan and with that, new responsibilities are placed on my shoulders. I only hope I won’t disappoint my people and that I will live up to expectations instead.

 

~~~

 

“You did well today… There is no reason for you to feel apprehensive.”

 

I wish I could believe Legolas, but it’s not that easy. “Legolas, I still think Aragorn made a mistake when he told me to do this. My sister and Faramir would have been the better choice.” Legolas removed his boots and vest and now joins me in front of the fire place. They moved my belongings from my old rooms into the King’s quarters. I had rather stayed in my old rooms, but as I am King now, they expect me to live here.

 

Legolas sits down behind me, folds his arms around me, and pulls me against his chest. I lean into the embrace, rest the back of my head against his shoulder, and close my eyes. During moments like this I can let go and just be me. “What experience do I have ruling the land? None!”

 

“What experience does Elassar have? Eómer, I told you this before and I will tell you again: you will do well. You will be a good King and if you need help, you can always ask me!” Legolas presses a teasing kiss onto the nape of my neck and the sensation makes me chuckle. “Actually, I am the only one here who *does* have some experience in ruling a realm as I had to perform my father’s duties on those rare occasions when he left Mirkwood.”

 

I look at him from over my shoulder and I wonder about Legolas once more. What does he see in me? This Elf is a Crown Prince, a deadly warrior, and yet, he is in love with me. I feel honored and flattered, and at the same time, I wonder if I am worthy of his love.

 

“You think too much!” Legolas states firmly. “I forbid you to do so. Do not worry.”

 

His order makes me smile. I might be King here and outrank him, but it is rather obvious who is in charge of this relationship. I don’t mind though. I’m lucky to have him. “Tomorrow, I want to ride out – see for myself the state my land is in. We need to rebuild homes, get the seedlings into the ground so we will have good harvest next year, and we need to find out if there are any cattle left.”

 

“You do not need that do on your own. Gamling and the other Captains will help you… and so will I.”

 

I close my eyes and rub my cheek against his shoulder. I accept Legolas’ closeness more easily these days, but I still can’t help turning bashful whenever we become intimate. Legolas once asked me if I’d had male lovers in the past and if I had experienced both sides and I had said yes. I didn’t lie exactly. I just forgot to mention that I only had one lover and that we exchanged roles…twice… There was never much time for intimacy and even these moments had occurred in stolen time when I should have been with my men instead.

 

“Eómer, stop brooding.”

 

Legolas’ hand slips beneath my shirt and down my bare chest. He rubs my nipple in the process and that gains my attention. “Behave…”

 

“Why should I behave? Can you give me a good reason?”

 

Legolas knows how to tease me and uses it to his advantage. His thumb brushes my nipple again, and this time, wet, but soft lips settle in my neck, kissing and nibbling the skin there. I am not sure we should do this – not here, not in Théoden’s rooms. It feels like sacrilege in a way. But then again, these are my rooms now – I can’t stop being intimate with Legolas merely because my surroundings are not to my liking.

 

“Still thinking too much…” Legolas whispers.

 

His other hand slips beneath the fabric of my trousers and his nimble fingers encircle my member, which quickly grows hard beneath Legolas’ expert touch. “You are wicked…” I should turn around, kiss Legolas, and become an active part in this wicked game, but for some reason I feel tired to the bone.

 

Legolas chuckles, and just when I want to turn around so I can touch him too, he starts to stroke my flesh into hardness. “Legolas…”

 

“Enjoy this… Close your eyes, my love… Feel… Do not think…”

 

Ah, that has been his intent all along – to stop me from brooding. Well, his tactics work. His strokes grow firmer and leave me little room to brood. While his other hand still teases my nipples, his lips descend onto my already bruised skin. He loves to nibble on me… He likes to suck on my earlobe in particular. I am not sure why… I like the sensation, but it doesn’t affect me the way Legolas thinks it does.

 

I manage to reach behind me, grab hold of his hair, and force him to kiss my lips instead. He complies and I lose myself in the sensations he causes in my body. I do not last long and spill myself over his hand. Legolas smiles in a feline way and licks along my top lip. That Elf will be the death of me one day! “Look what you did… Now I have to change clothes… Next time, get me out of my trousers first.”

 

“Next time, Sire, you will hopefully bend me over that desk and claim me.”

 

His words make my blood flow faster. I blush and stare at him in wonder. We made love only once and that happened three weeks ago in Minas Tirith. Legolas took himself that night. Ever since that happened, I expected him to claim me instead, but so far, he hasn’t shown any interest in me in that way. It makes me wonder if I did something wrong that day in Gondor.

 

“You know, the purpose of this… intermezzo… was to stop you from brooding and now you are thinking again. What about this time?” Legolas’ hand deserts my groin, but settles beneath my shirt on my abdomen to stroke the skin there.

 

I know that Legolas will continue to ask me about this until I tell him, so I had better do this now. “I wonder why…you did not…claim me yet in turn.” Legolas’ eyes widen marginally, but I notice it. I surprised him. How can this not be on his mind when it is on mine constantly?

 

“But you are not ready yet for that… Are you?” Legolas thoughtfully cocks his head.

 

I blink in surprise. “Not ready?”

 

“You do not feel comfortable with that prospect yet so I did not want to pressure you.”

 

“How do you know that… I do not feel comfortable enough… to do that…yet?” Sometimes I think he reads my mind. How else can he know things which I keep hidden from even myself?

 

“It is the way you react to my touch… Eómer, my love, I greatly desire to make love to you, but not in a way you are uncomfortable with.”

 

So my body language told him so? I am not sure I believe that explanation, but I rather accept that explanation than him reading my mind. “You might be right about me not being comfortable with that idea yet.”

 

Legolas gives me a white, toothy grin. “That is why I suggested you taking me.”

 

“Bent over that desk…” Now that he said it, I can actually picture us doing the deed that way. Damn him, now it won’t leave me alone until we did it!

 

“Or you can throw me on the bed, tie me to it, and take me whatever way pleases you,” Legolas adds with a wicked gleam to his eyes.

 

I blink again. I knew Legolas had a wicked streak, but this… Now he planted another idea in my mind! Damn him!

 

“Or would you rather press me face first to the wall and have you way with me like that?”

 

“Stop it!” I give him a bewildered look. “You make it worse.”

 

“In what way, my love?” Legolas returns to attacking the bruised skin of my throat and he bites playfully, above the collar, so it will show later. “Can you actually picture yourself doing those things to me?”

 

I turn around in his embrace and shake my head at him. “Are Elves in general obsessed with sex?”

 

“Not to my knowledge… I might be an exception…” Legolas kneels in front of me, enfolds me in another hug, and pulls me close against him. “I am like this when I am in love, Eómer. I want to be with my mate, anyway possible.”

 

My mood softens at hearing that. “You love me…”

 

“Aye, I love you, Eómer… I carry your ring, do I not?”

 

I seek out the ring at his finger. Yes, he wears my ring and it revealed my love for him to my men, which accepted Legolas readily in their midst. They respect him as a warrior and accept him as my mate.

 

“Which reminds me… What happened to that lock of hair which I gave you? You no longer carry it with you.” Legolas looks at me questioningly.

 

Ah yes, I should have told him earlier, but I wasn’t sure how he would react to it. “I attached it to my helmet after removing the hair that adorned it for all these past years.” I hold my breath, wondering if that action pleases him – or not.

 

Legolas chuckles. “Be at ease, Eómer… That lock of hair belongs to you and you can do with it as you please… I do not mind it adorning your helmet.”

 

I let the breath escape which I had been holding and give Legolas a weak smile. “That way it felt like you were watching my back at the Black Gates of Mordor.”

 

“I did watch your back, Eómer…”

 

Legolas wants to continue, but a knock on the door interrupts our intimate setting. “It’s time for dinner… We must show our faces. They did their best to prepare a meal fit for a feast, even though we have little food left.”

 

“Then we will praise their ingenuity for creating a feast in the first place.”

 

Legolas’ fingers move through my hair and I savor the touch. I still don’t believe that I deserve him, but I will honor his love and cherish it as long as I shall live.

 

~~~

 

I don’t feel at ease seated at the main table, on the chair formerly occupied by Théoden. It will take me a long time to get used to this new position in life.

Gamling, seated to my left, appears nervous and I want to know why. “Spit it out, Gamling. What’s wrong?” Gamling stares at me in shock. What? Did he think things would change merely because I am King now? I will kick his ass every day and I hope that he will still do the same thing for me.

 

“It’s about the children, Sire… The orphans,” Gamling replies and by doing so, he attracts Legolas’ attention as well. We both look at Gamling and that makes him even more nervous.

 

“Stop the Sire, Gamling. My name’s Eómer.” I won’t be able to stop everyone from addressing me like that, but I can stop Gamling – I hope. “What’s wrong with the children? I told you to take care of them. They are fed, are they not?” Gamling nods. “They have a warm place to sleep?” Gamling nods again. “Speak up; tell me what’s on your mind!”

 

“Most of the orphans have been adopted into families and are taken care of. One, however, remains without a family.” Gamling casts a quick glance to his right and I follow the direction of his stare. “It’s Haleth, Eómer… Haleth, son of Hama.”

 

I remember Hama of course. He was one of my uncle’s trusted Captains. I knew he had a son, but I didn’t know the boy’s name. “And why did no one adopt Haleth?”

 

Gamling shrugs and gives me an unsettling look. “People think that…”

 

“Aye? Gamling, spit it out!” Gamling’s nervous manner makes me nervous in turn.

 

“They think that you might want to take him in,” Gamling says, spitting it out and then drawing in a deep breath.

 

What? They want me to adopt the boy? I am not even sure I am a fit King, and now they want me to find out if I am a good parent as well? Why does everything have to happen at the same time? Legolas draws my attention away from my worries when he places his hand on my knee and squeezes. Instantly, I look at him.

 

“It is a good idea,” Legolas says. In a much softer voice, he adds, “We cannot have children… Adopting Haleth sounds like a good alternative.”

 

I can’t believe he’s agreeable to this! “Legolas, we face so many problems! I can’t possibly give him the time and affection he deserves!”

 

“You doubt yourself again,” Legolas states. “Stop doing it.”

 

I blink at hearing his words. “It’s not that easy!”

 

Legolas however ignores my words. “Gamling, is Haleth present?”

 

How did I get myself into this situation? And how do I get out?

 

“Aye, Legolas… Haleth is here…” Gamling signals for the boy to approach. “This is Haleth…”

 

Like Legolas, I look at the boy. He resembles his father – they have the same eyes. “Haleth…” I speak the name softly, but the boy hears it and looks at me – patiently, ready to accept his fate. I wonder if he was this meek before Sauron sent his army to Helm’s Deep.

 

“Sire…” Haleth bows his head and stares at his feet.

 

Legolas squeezes my knee again and I look at my mate instead. His eyes tell me everything I need to know. He wants us to adopt Haleth and to help this boy heal. I want that too, but what if I fail?

 

“We must do this, my love,” Legolas whispers into my ear. “He needs us.”

 

Legolas is right of course – Haleth needs parents, but does that make us the best pick? I get to my feet, move down the stairs, and come to a stop in front of the boy. “Haleth, son of Hama, how old are you?”

 

Haleth raises his head, makes eye-contact, but then lowers his gaze again. “I am fifteen, Sire.”

 

Still a child, but also closing in on becoming a man. Legolas is right – he needs us – he needs parents and role models. He needs someone to love him and to guide him. I raise my arm and rest my hand on Haleth’s shoulder. That gesture makes him establish eye-contact again. “I knew your father, Haleth. We were brothers in arms for many years and he watched my back on more than one occasion. I would be honored if you would allow me to look after you in turn.”

 

Haleth does his best to hide behind his dark-blond hair which falls in front of his face like a curtain, but I still see his eyes and they tell me the boy wants a new home. He feels lost and lonely – in a way, he feels a lot like I do.

 

“And the Elf… does he…?” Haleth bites onto his lip, as if to stop himself from speaking.

 

I look at Legolas from over my shoulder and my lover joins us. He takes my hand in his, and with his other, he reaches for Haleth. “We, Elves, look upon children as the greatest gift we can receive. So aye, I want you to become a part of this. Accept Eómer’s offer, Haleth, and know that you are most welcome. Instead of one father, you will have two – if that is agreeable to you.”

 

Haleth still wavers though and I don’t blame him. He wouldn’t have hesitated, had a farmer or blacksmith asked him to become a part of their family, but this is different. I am the King of Rohan and that might intimidate the boy. “Come, sit with us and eat.” I steer him toward the main table and Gamling quickly moves another chair in place. “Sit down…”

 

Haleth obeys. He keeps giving Legolas and me hidden looks and I know he is still trying to decide if he should accept our offer. I hope he does. Legolas makes sure Haleth gets a bowl of soup and some bread and encourages the youngster to eat. Haleth’s look tells me that he is hungry and I nod at him. “Eat.”

 

At hearing that, Haleth starts to eat and now that his focus isn’t on me any longer, I look at Legolas. My lover nods at me and I concur that this is the right thing to do. We need to take care of Haleth, and although I never parented before, I count on Legolas to pull me through.

 

“Haleth,” Legolas says once the boy has finished eating his soup. “Did you reach a decision yet? Do you want to stay with us?”

 

Haleth, who still munches on his last bite of bread, looks at Legolas for a long time, and then at me. I smile at him in the hope to reassure him.

 

“I need a family…” Haleth says in a tiny voice. “I need parents… I need you… so yes, I accept.”

 

Haleth has a lot of healing to do, just like the land itself. I feel blessed that he allows me to help him heal. I reach for Legolas’ hand and twine our fingers. Haleth sees it and I wonder what his reaction will be like. Haleth’s eyes momentarily grow big, but he doesn’t say anything. With my other hand, I reach for Haleth’s and I squeeze his fingers as well. The youngster looks absolutely lost by now and I should explain my actions perhaps. “Legolas is my mate, Haleth, my lover. And you, you are now our son. The three of us form a family.” A family I thought I would never have!

 

Legolas cocks his head and gives me one of those looks, telling me I move too fast, but I don’t care. I need to make this clear – to myself and my men. “Let it be known that from this day on, Haleth is under my protection and that I call him son.” Am I imagining it, or do I see tears in Gamling’s eyes? I didn’t realize adopting Haleth would mean this much to him.

 

“My Liege… Eómer,” Gamling quickly corrects himself, “You take a great burden from my old shoulders. Hama was dear to me and I thought of him as a brother. Knowing that his son now sits at your table and has found a new family… it’s…”

 

“I understand, my friend,” I say – quickly – as I don’t want him to grow even more emotional. I don’t blame him for it though – this war took a lot out of all of us and we need to recover – find our balance and inner peace again. I focus on Haleth and realize that this youngster might actually help me heal as well. He is a precious gift, one I thought I would never receive.

 

~~~

 

“Eómer, Haleth is about to fall asleep,” Legolas whispers in to my ear.

 

By doing so, he directs my attention to the newest addition of this little family and I realize I have a problem. Where do I put Haleth? Offering him a place in my bed seems inappropriate as a sex-driven Elf already resides there. I don’t want him to sleep in the Hall either, on the floor on some straw with the dogs. Just when I am about to give up, an idea comes to me. “I will take care of it.”

 

My men give me an odd look when I get to my feet. Their expressions turn even more puzzled when I pick up Haleth in my arms. “Join me in my rooms…” I tell Legolas.

 

“I will be there…”

 

I carry Haleth out of the Hall and into the corridor. The boy is sound asleep, but he doesn’t look at peace. His lips move and every so often his mouth twitches sharply. I hope he isn’t having a nightmare. Suddenly, something heavy brushes against my knee and I look down, only to find an old companion sniffing me. “Ah, you survived then.”

 

Théoden gifted Ghost to me when I turned fifteen. I am not sure what breed he is. Personally, I think there is part wolf in that dog. He’s huge for a canine, and his yellow eyes always reminded me of a wolf. “Care to keep someone company tonight?” Ghost took to sleeping in my rooms a long time ago, and I would be surprised if he was willing to exchange them for Théoden’s. Ghost growls softly, takes another sniff, and raises his head. Those yellow eyes hold a question.

 

“You will have to share me from this moment on. I have a mate now… An Elf.”

 

Ghost snorts and it’s not for the first time that I wonder about the beast’s intelligence. When I was younger, I carried on complete conversations with him at night and I always had the feeling he understood. I push open the door to my old rooms and venture inside. I will build a fire in a moment, but first I place Haleth on the bed. I am glad that he remained asleep. I still need some time to deal with the fact that I am a father now. I reach for the fur near the foot end of the bed and cover Haleth with it. I slayed a bear when I was fifteen and Théoden had the bear skinned. We feasted on his meat and my uncle allowed me to keep the fur as a sign of my victory.

 

I move toward the fireplace, get the fire started, and once it burns in a satisfactory way, I return to the bed. I chuckle at seeing Ghost stretched at the foot end. It didn’t take him long to claim his old place. Something has changed though – he isn’t guarding me – he guards Haleth now.

 

Haleth… I sit down on the side of the bed and sweep his hair away from his face. He doesn’t look fifteen. He looks younger… Or maybe that’s because he’s covered in grime. “Legolas will be more than happy to provide you with a bath in the morning. He’s obsessed with cleanliness.”

 

“I am not…”

 

I smile at hearing the protest. I look at Legolas from over my shoulder and say, “I told you to come to my rooms later.” I meant my new rooms, Théoden’s, so how did he know I was here instead?

 

“These are you rooms as well,” Legolas replies coyly. “Your old rooms, but still…”

 

I doubt I will ever win one of our little verbal fights and I am not sure I want to. “He looks tired.”

 

“He lived in uncertainty for weeks,” Legolas explains as he comes to a stop next to me. “He will improve now that he knows where he belongs.”

 

I am not sure why I do it, but I lean in closer and press a fatherly kiss onto Haleth’s brow. “We have a son now…” I shake my head at the speed with which we had him. I rise from the bed and turn toward Legolas. “You had to complicate our lives even more, didn’t you?”

 

Legolas feigns surprise. “I had no hand in us gaining a son, Sire.”

 

I hate it when he does that – play cat and mouse – but then again, it does also amuse me – ah well; maybe I love it when he does that. Legolas confuses me, that’s for sure. “Do they expect us to return to the Hall?” I take his hand and lead him toward the doorway.

 

“They do not. Gamling however asked me to remind you that your party leaves at first dawn… So you had better be ready.”

 

I close the door behind us and pull Legolas into my arms. “What will you do tomorrow?”

 

“I will make an inventory of our food supplies and see if we can get Elassar to send more. I also wanted to have a look at the quality of the remaining bridges, but now that we have gained a son, I will divide my time between the inventory and him.”

 

“I do love you,” I whisper with a sigh. “For so readily accepting him.”

 

“I spoke the truth earlier,” Legolas replies as he smiles at me. “Children are precious to the Firstborn. I will do my best to be a good father to him.”

 

We make our way to my rooms and once we are inside, I start to disrobe. I place the crown aside first, and then remove my clothes. Quickly, I slip into bed, shivering as the air is cool in here. Legolas joins me a moment later, equally naked, but not shivering at all. He feels warm and I press against him in order to obtain some of his heat.

 

“Your parents died when you were little?” Legolas asks, tucked away against my form.

 

“They did… I hardly remember them. Théoden became my father instead. He was a good father, until Grima got a hold of him.” Why is Legolas bringing this up when he could harass me by demanding sex?

 

“We discussed this before, but not in detail. I *do* want you to meet my father – shortly preferably.”

 

Ah, that’s what he wants to discuss – he merely used a detour to get there. “You love your father a lot.”

 

“I love him dearly,” Legolas admits as he rubs his cheek against my shoulder. He moves closer and sighs deeply. “Thranduil might not be pleased though to know that I have taken a Man as my lover.”

 

I shrug. “What’s the worst he can do?”

 

Legolas laughs at hearing that. “Throwing a tantrum that will leave you shaken!”

 

I stare at him in disbelief. “But…he’s an Elf… Doesn’t that mean he’s always composed? Regal even? As a King, I mean.”

 

Legolas chuckles softly. “My father is not your typical Elf: you will find out when you meet him. I think he will like you though – after throwing a few tantrums.”

 

I am not sure that reassures me, but I trust Legolas to deal with his father. I doubt I will meet Thranduil any time soon. From what I gathered, Thranduil hardly ever leaves his realm and it doesn’t look like I will be heading for Mirkwood for at least a year, maybe even longer. Rohan must come first.

 

“Are you brooding again?”

 

Legolas brushes my feet with his and it doesn’t take long before he manages to warm mine. “Just thinking that your grandfather’s grandson isn’t an Elf. Does that mean he will throw another tantrum?”

 

“Oh, most likely, but let us stop discussing my father…” Legolas raises his head, reaches for my lips, and claims them in a passionate kiss. “I can think of other, more interesting things to do.”

 

TBC

 

Ghost

Part 2

 

“No, stop it… Go away…go away!” Their ugly faces color my nightmare black and bloody and it’s not until I sit upright in bed, awake and covered in cold sweat, that I realize that the battle is over. The monsters are gone. They’re dead, but at night, they come alive again in my dreams.

 

I need a moment to gather my senses, but once I feel stronger, I look about and wonder about my alien surroundings. I don’t know this room. Movement near my feet makes me want to jump out of bed, but something heavy rests atop of them and makes it impossible for me to move. Horrified, I find it’s a dog – a huge dog with gray fur and frightening yellow eyes. Scared, I remain motionless.

 

Sounds coming from behind me want to make me turn my head, but then I can’t keep an eye on the monster at the foot end of the bed. I’m too scared to let him out of my sight.

 

“Haleth…”

 

Do I know that voice? I’m not sure… A part of me feels like it’s still locked in that nightmare.

 

“It’s I… Eómer…”

 

The mattress moves and I reckon he sat down. I’m still not taking my eyes off the dog though.

 

“That’s Ghost. You need not be scared of him. He is here to guard you – protect you from strangers.”

 

Eómer folds an arm around me and rocks me ever so slightly. The movement brings me out of my entranced state and I blink several times. “Ghost?” I turn my head and look at Eómer. I have known him my entire life – never personally, but I saw him every day – especially after Théoden had assembled his Captains for council. I know Eómer was a good friend of my father’s, but I never talked to him before. Looking at him now, I recall that I’m staring at the King and I shouldn’t do that, but I can’t take my eyes off of him. He offered to take me in and make me part of his family.

 

“Ghost always kept me company when I was your age. He always sleeps at the foot end of the bed – that’s his favorite spot. He won’t harm you. He likes you.”

 

Eómer’s words make me stare at the huge dog. “Why would he like me? He doesn’t even know me.”

 

“Oh, he likes you all right,” Eómer says and chuckles.

 

It’s like the dog knows what we are talking about because he stretches and moves closer to me. Before I know it, that gigantic head rests on my thigh and he looks at me pleadingly, like he wants me to pet him.

 

“See?” Eómer says triumphantly.

 

Eómer appears to be right, but…

 

“Why don’t you pet him? He likes it when you rub behind his ears.”

 

I’m not sure petting him is safe. I would rather keep my fingers attached to my hand. Startled, I watch Eómer take hold of my hand and place it atop of the dog’s head. Eómer covers his hand with mine and moves my fingers, encouraging me to pet the dog. As I don’t have a choice, I move along and stroke his furry head.

 

“Ghost looks scary, I know that,” Eómer says. “But he is a gentle soul and very protective. He knows me, so he allows me close, but that will change should someone who wants to harm you enter the room. He will defend you. You have a fierce protector in him.”

 

Can I believe Eómer? The dog doesn’t look that evil anymore, as he has closed his eyes, apparently enjoying being stroked. I never had a pet before and I wonder if I could take care of such a huge dog. “He doesn’t look that frightening anymore,” I admit in a tiny voice.

 

“Is Ghost the reason you called out? Legolas and I heard you scream. It’s a good thing these rooms are close to mine.”

 

Eómer removes his hand and instead of petting Ghost, he takes to rubbing my back. It’s odd to know him so close, but I feel comfortable around him. “I had a nightmare,” I tell him in an even softer voice. “The monsters were back.” Eómer sighs deeply and when I peek at him, I see regret in his eyes.

 

“I am sorry you had to fight in that battle… Too many died that night and others might be scarred for life in more ways than one. I hope you aren’t one of them.”

 

I don’t know what to make of his words, so I just forget about them. “Do you really think he likes me?” I point at the dog, who seems to have fallen asleep.

 

“Ghost likes you… You can believe me, Haleth.” Eómer gives me another hug and then moves away from me. “Tell me, do you want me to stay?”

 

I don’t want to take up too much of his time, so I shake my head. “You don’t need to stay.” Maybe, if Eómer is right that is, Ghost will keep me safe. “Will he keep the monsters away?”

 

“Ghost will scare them off. You don’t need to worry about them haunting your dreams.”

 

I nod although I’m not sure I believe him. “He won’t bite me?”

 

“Ghost fell asleep because he enjoys you petting him. He likes you… He doesn’t bite people he likes.”

 

Eómer’s reasoning appears sound to me. “Thank you for…coming here… You didn’t have to do that.” I bow my head and close my eyes. Ghost’s head is a dead weight on my leg, but I don’t mind.

 

“I know that I can’t replace your father, Haleth. Hama was a good friend and I hold him in the highest regard. But I want to be there for you, like a father for his son. It takes time, I realize that. I am new at this too. I never raised a child before.”

 

He sounds sincere and that’s why I reach for his hand. It’s huge, compared to mine. “I’m grateful that you took me in… Gamling asked around if anyone would adopt me, but once they heard that Hama is my father, they declined. They felt one of the Captains should adopt me instead.”

 

“And now you are my new son…”

 

Eómer presses a kiss onto my hair and the move surprises me. I wasn’t sure he really wanted me here – until now, that is. I raise my head and study his eyes. Yes, he wants me here; I’m welcome.

 

“Can you go back to sleep?” Eómer rises from the bed, adds more wood to the fire, and returns to my side. “Ghost will keep you safe.”

 

The dog has opened his eyes again, but this time, I’m not scared. He doesn’t look evil any more. He looks old and in a strange way, wise. “I can go back to sleep. Ghost will keep me safe… Like you said.” I believe Eómer; he has no reason to lie to me.

 

“Then lie down and sleep… Ghost, give him some space…”

 

The dog lifts his head, gives Eómer a displeased look, but then moves away slightly so I can lie down. Wide-eyed, I watch Ghost inch closer again until he can rest his head against my thigh. He feels warm and his presence makes me feel safe. Eómer reaches for the fur, tucks it around me, and rubs my brow with his thumb.

 

“Sleep tight and remember that Ghost will keep you safe…”

 

Eómer’s soft words help me glide back into sleep. My last thought before closing my eyes is that it feels nice to be a part of Eómer’s family.

 

~~~

 

The next time I wake up it’s because my feet feel ticklish. I rub the sleep from my eyes and raise my head in order to find out what’s happening. “Stop it!” I don’t know why, but Ghost is nibbling on my big toe. “I’m not your food!” Ghost cocks his head, stops nibbling, and goes back to sleep. I am awake though, so what do I do? I can’t stay in bed all day. During these last few weeks I earned my keep by helping in the kitchen, and if I want to eat, I should get some work done first.

 

“Good. You are awake.”

 

The voice takes me aback and I turn my head toward the doorway. It’s the Elf.

 

“My name is Legolas, in case you are wondering,” he says as he makes his way over to the bed. He sits down and puts the tray which he carries on the bed next to me. “I brought breakfast, assuming you might be hungry.”

 

I can’t stop staring at him. Yesterday, everything happened so fast and I didn’t get the chance to really look at him. He looks radiant – there is no other word to describe him, at least no words which I know. He glows from the inside. His blond hair shines like silver, his skin seems incredibly soft and his fingers are long and delicate. He doesn’t look like a warrior, and yet, Gamling insists that Legolas is deadly.

 

“Stop staring at me and start eating,” Legolas says in an amused voice.

 

Quickly, I avert my gaze as I feel caught. “I’m sorry. I meant no disrespect.” Legolas hands me a slice of bread, thickly covered by butter. This is a real treat and I wonder if it’s really meant for me.

 

“Eat, Haleth.” Legolas’ gaze shifts from me to Ghost. The canine gives him an equally interested look in turn. “So you are Haleth’s new guardian.” Ghost stretches, but doesn’t bother to get up. Instead, he stares at the piece of cold meat on the plate. “Do not even think about it,” Legolas admonishes the dog. “That is Haleth’s food.”

 

That’s mine too? I finish the bread and see that Legolas also brought me something to drink. “Is that for me?”

 

“Aye, drink that.”

 

Legolas hands me the mug with steaming hot tea and I sip greedily, knowing the tea will warm me from the inside. “I will work for the food.”

 

“Work?” Legolas cocks his head. “Aye, the cook told me that you helped in the kitchen, but that must stop now. I will be lenient today so we won’t start your lessons yet. We will start them tomorrow. Today, you will take a bath, dress in clean clothes, and you will show me around.”

 

I stare at him in wonder. “Take a bath? I can’t remember the last time I did that.”

 

“Then it is about time you took one.” Legolas rubs Ghost behind the ear and the dog makes an odd sound. If he were a cat, I would say he was purring. “Eat the meat as well, Haleth. You need your strength.”

 

I nibble on the meat and watch Legolas in wonder. I witnessed the Elves’ arrival at Helm’s Deep that day, but I was never this close to one. “You’re an Elf,” unwillingly escapes me.

 

“You have excellent observational skills.”

 

Hum, what did he say just now? I look at him, feeling rather lost.

 

“Do not worry about it. Once you have started your lessons you will grow more eloquent.”

 

“What lessons?” I never had lessons before. When my father was still alive I helped him out wherever I could, but there were never any lessons.

 

“History, of course… Language skills too and you need to learn to wield a sword properly.”

 

I shake my head repeatedly. “I don’t want to learn how to fight!” I can’t help it – the memories rush back into my mind and I see dead or still dying people around me, covered in blood and with their organs popping out from their bodies. I press my palms against my temples and rock hard. “I don’t want to fight again!”

 

“Haleth… calm yourself… I did not mean you should fight on the battlefield… I regret causing you distress… Calm down…”

 

Legolas wraps me up in an embrace and I fling myself at him. I can’t stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks and I cling to him. “There was so much death… so much blood… the screams… I still hear them scream.” Legolas rocks me, and although a part of me feels ashamed for crying in his arms, I can’t seem to stop myself.

 

“The war is over, young one… The screams will go away in time and so will the memories…”

 

Legolas stops speaking, rocks me, and then he starts to sing – quietly and in a language I don’t know – I reckon it’s his own language… It sounds like liquid gold and hearing it soothes me. I calm down and feel ashamed for clinging to him. I try to pull away, but Legolas refuses to let me go.

 

“No, stay… You are safe in my arms…”

 

He starts to sing again and the sound of it entrances me. I close my eyes, cuddle up to him, and let him weave his spell. I don’t know how long we stay that way, but in the end, I lift my gaze and search his face. Legolas smiles at me and slowly, my lips curve into a smile too. I like him. “I feel safe…”

 

“Good, that was the idea…” Legolas lowers me back on the bed and gives me a long, hard look. “The servants are filling up the bathtub in the King’s rooms… Do you feel up to taking a bath now?”

 

I don’t want to disappoint him, and I know how much effort and warm water it takes to fill up that tub. “I can do that.”

 

Legolas nods and he gets to his feet again. “Eómer also secured clothes that should fit you. The ones you are wearing now have holes in them and won’t keep you warm.”

 

I push the fur away, put my feet on the floor, and take a moment to gather my senses. I feel odd. I am not used to someone wanting to take care of me anymore.

 

Ghost finally moves too – he gets to his feet and jumps onto the floor, rocking the bed when he does. Now that he stands in front of me, I realize how tall he really is. He easily reaches my waist. “You’re big.” Ghost wags his tail, turns around, and leaves the room.

 

“Maybe he wants us to follow him…” Legolas gets to his feet and then pulls me onto mine. “Or maybe he is just following his nose in order to find food. For you however, it is bath time.”

 

I follow Legolas into the corridor and when we step into the King’s quarters, a bright fire already warms the room.

 

“Remove your clothes, Haleth…and then follow me into the bathroom.”

 

I’m glad Legolas leaves the room as I do feel shy about getting naked in front of him. I put the clothes onto a neat pile and shuffle toward the bathroom.

 

“There you are… The bathtub is ready… Get into the water, Haleth.”

 

A quick look tells me that it’s just the two of us and I’m glad no one else sees me like this. I step into the bathtub and wait for additional instructions.

 

“Sit down… You must feel cold and the water is nice and warm.”

 

I sit down and quaver with delight when the warmth envelopes me. Legolas walks up the bathtub, pushes his sleeves up his arms, and uses soap to work up lather. He washes my hair and then hands me the soap so I can clean up myself. The water around me turns to a muddy brown; I didn’t know I was that dirty!

 

“That must feel good,” Legolas says in an attempt to cheer me up.

 

He’s right. “It does.” I probably still had blood on me.

 

Legolas picks up a large towel and gestures for me to get to my feet. He dries my hair and then wraps the fabric around my body, telling me to dry my skin. He seems very much at ease helping me bath; it seems second nature to him so I can’t help but ask, “Do you have children? You know exactly what to do.”

 

Legolas cocks his head and smiles. “I do not, but my father always took good care of me and I am merely remembering the things he did for me back then.”

 

For one moment I envy him, but then I shake my head. Everyone should have a loving father – Legolas too.

 

“I will gather your clothes while you finish drying your skin,” Legolas says with a smile and then leaves the room.

 

I make quick work of drying my skin and then wait for him to return. Legolas carries a green tunic and brown trousers when he returns. He hands me the trousers first, then the undershirt and the tunic comes last. I slip into them and then put on the socks. I almost feel like a different person. Legolas takes my hand and leads me over to the bed.

 

“Your hair is a mess…” Legolas retrieves a comb and a brush and gives me an expectant look. “Sit down, Haleth. We need to attend to that mane.”

 

I sit down on the bed and Legolas sits down behind me. He untangles my hair, and as he does so, he starts to sing again. Hearing it makes me relax and I close my eyes. His fingers move through my hair and separate the strands. To my surprise, he begins braiding it. “What are you doing?”

 

“When I was your age, my father would braid my hair for me. I always wanted warrior’s braids, but he said that I had to earn them first. You already earned yours so you are entitled to wear them.”

 

Warrior’s braids? What is he talking about? I like Legolas, but right now he makes no sense.

 

“Do not worry, I am almost done and then you can to back to sleep. You have a lot of sleep to catch up on.”

 

I am not sure about that, but I don’t contradict him. A weight settles on my feet and I open my eyes. It’s Ghost. He’s back and decided my feet make a good pillow. “That is a strange dog.”

 

“I would not call him strange… Peculiar perhaps or unique.”

 

I am not sure what Legolas is trying to tell me so I shrug it off. “Eómer says that Ghost likes me.”

 

“Eómer is right then. Ghost *does* like you. He told me so.”

 

I don’t know if Legolas says that in order to make me curious, or maybe he is just trying to keep the conversation going, but he succeeds in gaining my attention and I give him a puzzled look.

 

“I’m an Elf,” Legolas says and smiles. “Elves talk to animals.”

 

“And the animals talk back to you?”

 

“Most of the time, aye.”

 

I frown. “What else do you talk to?”

 

Legolas laughs warmly. “Trees, plants, rocks even.”

 

That’s a strange thought. Why would anyone talk to a rock? “I don’t understand that.”

 

“You do not need to understand – at least, not yet. You look better now. Do you also feel better?”

 

I look down my body and nod. “I feel clean… I still felt that blood on me…from the battle.”

 

“It is gone now… So, do you want to sleep or…?”

 

“Or what?” I think he did that on purpose, not finishing his question.

 

“Or do you want to show around? You lived here your entire life… I reckon you can show me interesting sights.”

 

“Maybe, I’m not sure…” I want to stop the yawn from forming, but I’m too late and it escapes me. “Sorry,” I mutter. “I’m still tired. I didn’t sleep well.”

 

“Then you need to rest more.” Legolas looks about, as if to make up his mind. “This bed will do. We do not need to return to your room. You can sleep here.”

 

“But that’s the King’s bed,” I protest softly.

 

“It is just a bed, Haleth… Just a bed, nothing more.”

 

Legolas pushes back the covers and gestures for me to lie down. I’m not sure I should, but I obey and stretch on my side. I slide my hands beneath the pillow and watch Legolas as he tucks furs around me.

 

“Are you comfortable, Haleth?”

 

How could I not be comfortable in this bed? “I’m fine…” The bed moves suddenly and I stare at Ghost who curls up next to me. I’m not sure he’s allowed onto the bed and want to tell him to get down when Legolas pats his head.

 

“Ah, your guardian wants to stay with you… I hope you sleep well, Haleth… Hopefully you will dream flowers, trees, and maybe even rocks…”

 

Legolas gives me a wink and I look at him in wonder. Why would I want to dream of those things? But then again, it’s better than dreaming of blood and war. Legolas takes to stroking my hair and the hypnotizing movement causes me to fall asleep again. I feel safe and cherished and I hope those feelings will keep the nightmares at bay.

 

TBC

 

Pride

Part 3

 

Tiredness crept into my bones during the day, but I try hard to hide my fatigue. The men look to me for guidance and I can’t show any weaknesses in public, maybe later when I’m alone with Legolas.

 

“Matters could be worse,” Gamling says in an effort to give me heart. “Sauron’s beasts didn’t take time to burn everything. The plows are still intact, seedlings wait to be take root in the earth and we even have some bulls left.”

 

Gamling is right, but not entirely. “They killed too many men, Gamling. Who will work on the field? Who will recover the harvest when the time comes? We don’t have enough men left!”

 

“Then ask Elassar to send you some.”

 

A grin sneaks onto my face at hearing Legolas’ voice. I should have know he would be waiting for me. His Elven senses probably told him that I was near. I raise my gaze and find Legolas standing to the right, looking pleased. “Do you think Aragorn has men to spare while rebuilding the White City?”

 

“Harvesting is more important than rebuilding a city. Elassar knows this and he will send help.”

 

Legolas approaches and Gamling inclines his head in an attempt to request leave. “I will see you in the morning,” I tell him. Today we only covered a small piece of land and I need to see the other parts as well. Gamling leaves and that gives Legolas the opportunity to wrap his arms around me and to welcome me with a kiss. “Did you miss me?”

 

Legolas nods earnestly. “I did.”

 

In a way, this surprises me. “I thought you could do without me for a few hours.”

 

“Oh, I can,” Legolas replies and smiles. “But that does not mean I did not miss you!”

 

He keeps his arm around my shoulders and guides me toward my rooms. “What did you do today? You already know what I learned today. You probably listened to me for some minutes with those Elven ears of yours.” Legolas smiles again – obviously amused by something I said. “Rather pointy ears, if I may add.” Legolas’ smile broadens even further at that.

 

“Enough talk about my ears,” Legolas says and comes to a stop. “You asked about my day… I did the food inventory as I said I would. There is not much left, but enough to sustain us for the next two weeks. I already sent word to Elassar, requesting food supplies.”

 

I reckon I had better get used to Legolas acting without consulting me first and to be honest, I wouldn’t want it differently. “What else did you do?” And why do we stand in the middle of the corridor when the door to my rooms is just over there?

 

“Haleth has been asleep for most of the day. I woke him this morning and he ate breakfast. I also managed to make him take a bath, but he fell asleep after that. I reckon it is the first decent sleep he has had in all these long weeks.”

 

“Ah, and let me guess, he fell asleep in my bed?” I don’t mind though. When the time comes for me to get some sleep, I will carry Haleth back to his rooms.

 

“Aye and Ghost joined him. That is a peculiar dog you have there… You do realize he is part wolf?”

 

“I always thought so, but wasn’t sure.” I reach for the door and open it. Ghost raises his head when he sees me, but then puts it down again upon realizing we present no danger to the boy. I step inside and Legolas follows me. Food awaits me, standing on the desk and I head toward it. “I’m hungry,” I explain.

 

“Then eat…” Legolas sits on the fur in front of the fire place. “I found this. May I use it?”

 

Looking at Legolas, I see he found Eówyn’s lyre. How did it end up in here? “Aye, you can use it.” Can he play the lyre then? Aye, he can and he’s good at it. I eat some of the meat, stuff it down with bread, and wash it away with beer. Once I had my fill, I make my way over to Legolas and sit down behind him. I pull him against my chest and press a kiss below his ear. “You seem to thrive in these homely settings. I didn’t think you would.”

 

Legolas looks at me from over his shoulder and a thoughtful expression appears in his eyes. “There are times to fight and there are times to heal. I am a warrior, aye, but that does not mean I prefer the battlefield to peace. I prefer this – having a home, a lover, and a family… I should tell you that I wrote a letter today, which is on its way to Mirkwood. In it, I informed my father of my stay here and that I have taken you as my lover.”

 

“I should start to prepare for your father’s tantrums then!” I say so jokingly, but I fully expect Thranduil to be displeased with Legolas’ decision.

 

“Do not worry about my father. I can handle him.”

 

Legolas raises his hand and touches my face. “I love you,” I blurt out.

 

“I know you do, Sire…” Legolas chuckles softly. “We should stop here, for our guest is about to awaken.” Legolas points at the bed.

 

I press a kiss onto Legolas’ lips and then rise from the floor. I sit down on the side of the bed and watch my new son open his eyes. “I trust you slept well, Haleth?” Out of habit, my right hand reaches for Ghost and I rub behind his ears, which I know he enjoys.

 

Haleth blinks repeatedly, rubs the sleep from his eyes, and manages to push himself into a sitting position. He looks disorientated and I wait for him to gather his senses. Waking up in here must be odd.

 

“Eómer…” Haleth finally identified me and gives me a shy smile. “I fell asleep, didn’t I?”

 

Legolas joins us and comes to a halt behind me. “You were tired to begin with, but aye, you went back to sleep after you took a bath.”

 

“You talk to…rocks?” Haleth seems confused and frowns.

 

I look at Legolas from over my shoulder. “You talk to rocks?” Legolas playfully tugs at a braid and I grin, but allow for him to shut me up in that way.

 

“Sometimes,” Legolas replies. “Tell me, how do you feel, Haleth?”

 

I continue to grin – Legolas makes a great mother. I had better not tell him that though. He might prove to be his father’s son and throw a tantrum.

 

“I am tired,” Haleth says and rubs at his eyes again. His stomach growls and so Haleth admits, “And hungry too.”

 

“Eómer did not finish his meal. I will get you something to eat,” Legolas announces as he walks over to the desk.

 

“You no longer seem afraid of Ghost.” Looking at Haleth, I realize how young and vulnerable he is and I want to protect him – guide him.

 

“He is big, yes, but also sweet.” Haleth strokes Ghost’s flank and the dog stretches comfortably. “I’m glad he found me.”

 

Legolas returns with the food and hands Haleth the plate. “Eat,” he orders.

 

Haleth gives us worried looks though. “And what about you? Don’t you need to eat?”

 

“I already ate my fill,” I explain to him and look at Legolas.

 

“I had lunch earlier and am not hungry. Eat, Haleth.” Legolas picks up the lyre again, sits at the foot end of the bed, and starts to play. Hearing the music seems to make Haleth relax.

 

“I am sorry for occupying your bed, my Lord,” Haleth says softly.

 

“It is just a bed,” I tell him and that remark earns me smiles from both Haleth and Legolas. “What?”

 

“Legolas said the same thing,” Haleth says and takes another bite out of the bread that Legolas gave him.

 

“Well, it’s the truth… It is just a bed.” Ghost gets to his feet, stretches, and jumps of the bed. I catch Haleth’s surprised look and say, “He will be right back. He’s hungry too.” Ghost always gets the best bits from the cook, who has a weak spot for him. Haleth’s expression changes and I can tell that he wants to ask me something. “Go ahead and ask.”

 

“Legolas…said something…about lessons…”

 

I cock my head and seek out Legolas’ gaze. “What lessons, my love?”

 

“He is the son of the King now. Do you not agree that he needs to learn how to read and write? I would also suggest history lessons and later on, lessons in diplomacy.”

 

Legolas’ suggestions make sense. “And who will teach him?”

 

“I will,” Legolas states. “I assume he already knows how to ride a horse?”

 

“Of course he does!” I shake my head at Legolas. “It’s the first thing children learn.”

 

“Of course,” Legolas says and inclines his head. “Then we can skip the lessons and simply enjoy going out riding. You should set aside a horse for Haleth.”

 

He’s right again. “I will give orders…” What else did Legolas come up with?

 

“He needs to learn about music too… I will teach him to sing and play the lyre.”

 

Haleth sucks in his breath in surprise and I reckon Legolas rather overwhelms him. “Why don’t you start by teaching Haleth one or two things, Legolas? The day only holds twenty-four hours.”

 

Legolas laughs, puts aside his lyre, and crawls toward me on all fours. “I will teach him to read and write in the morning and we will go out riding in the afternoon.”

 

Sounds doable to me and when I look at Haleth, he nods. “Agreed.” Haleth yawns and appears nervous for letting his fatigue show. I’m not surprised that he’s still tired. His body hardly had a chance to rest during the last few weeks and mentally he is still trying to deal with the horrors he witnessed. The whole ordeal wore him down. “I will take you back to your rooms so you can get back to sleep.”

 

Haleth pushes back the furs and places his feet on the floor. He looks at me upon hearing me chuckle. “You wear my old clothes,” I explain to him. I wonder where Legolas found them and give him a questioning look.

 

“One of the servants brought them to me. I reckoned they would fit Haleth so I accepted them. You do not mind, do you?” Legolas rises from the bed too.

 

“I don’t – and aye, it’s a perfect fit indeed.” I gather Haleth’s hand in mine and wait for Ghost to join us. Once we are ready, I walk Haleth into the corridor and back to his rooms. One of the servants must have kept the fire going because it still burns when we get there. I always liked living here – especially when Théodred joined me during the evening. We would carry out mock fights, play hide and seek in the Hall, or harass Théoden by sneaking up on him. Aye, those were good times.

 

Haleth lets go of my hand and walks over to the bed. He sits down and Ghost jumps onto the bed to make himself comfortable there. I wish I could offer Haleth companionship in the form of another youngster, close to his age, but there aren’t that many children left and the ones who survived want to stay with their family. “Do you like living here?”

 

Haleth nods. “The room is very nice and Ghost makes good company.”

 

He seems easily satisfied and I’m grateful for that. “Tomorrow you will start your lessons. You should get more sleep now so you will be ready for that.” Legolas will go easy on him, but concentrating will be hard on Haleth. “Do you want us to stay until you’re asleep?” The look Haleth gives me tells me that he wants that, but he doesn’t feel at ease saying so. “Legolas and I will stay…”

“Change into your nightshirt, young one. You should not sleep in your clothes.”

 

I don’t know where Legolas got that nightshirt, but Haleth takes it and quickly changes into it. The respect with which Haleth puts his new clothes into a neat pile touches me. That boy has learned not to take things for granted in his life. I wish he hadn’t had to learn that lesson in such a brutal way. Haleth climbs into bed and Legolas tucks the fur around his form. Now that Haleth is in place, Ghost snuggles up to him.

 

Legolas, seated next to Haleth on the bed, sings softly and even I relax at hearing the entrancing quality to his voice. It comes as no surprise that Haleth’s eyes close and that he’s asleep again. Legolas caresses Haleth’s brow and then gets up from the bed. “Ghost will guard him… We can retire to our rooms,” he states.

 

I follow Legolas back to my rooms and sit down on the bed. I reflect upon the way my life has changed since I returned home. I have a mate now and a son as well. “Do you think I will make a good father?” Legolas’ arms rise behind my back and he pulls me toward him. I have the feeling that I know what will come next, as he doesn’t like it when I express any self-doubt.

 

“What do you think, Eómer? Did you comfort that boy just now and did he accept it? Does he trust you? Respect you?”

 

I nod. “I do my best to make him feel at ease… I worry about him though. The children should never have been called upon to fight at Helm’s Deep. I know the nightmares that hunt him for I had them myself. He is still so very young and he lost his father.”

 

“The young are resilient. He will surprise you. All Haleth needs is time, and he has ample left of it. Give him the time to recuperate. I will help him find ways for him to deal with his nightmares. Have faith in him.”

 

“I have the utmost faith in him – and you.” I lean in closer and kiss him. Legolas smells of the forest, pine trees, and flowers. His hand slips beneath my shirt and stroke the skin there. I rest my brow against his and look into his eyes. “I would be utterly lost without you.”

 

“Hush now… You are weary from the things you have seen today. You realize how much work awaits and your heart feels heavy because of it.”

 

He knows me so well. “Thankfully I have you.”

 

“Aye, thankfully you have me…” Legolas leads me over to the bed and sits me down. He removes my boots and socks, and then slides onto my lap. “Raise your arms.” I do as I am told and he removes my vest and shirt. I’m only wearing my breeches now and I can predict where he intends to take this. “You are rather obsessed by sex.”

 

Legolas laughs and shakes his head at. “You do not mind, so do not pretend differently.” His fingers move to my breeches and undo the fastenings.

 

“I do not…” I raise my arm, slip my fingers into his hair, and bring him in for a kiss. I am in the mood to make love tonight. My other hand moves beneath his blue shirt and I manage to get him out of it. “The rest must go as well.”

 

Legolas gets to his feet and removes his breeches. Now that he is naked, I drink in the enticing sight and sigh deeply. It’s still hard to believe that he’s mine.

 

“Yours have to go to. Stand, Eómer.”

 

I obey and Legolas slips my breeches down my legs. I step out of them, and following a wicked streak of my own, I gather Legolas in my arms and throw him on the bed. I remember some of his fantasies, but I don’t intend to tie him to the bed. Legolas laughs again, turns onto his side, and beckons me closer. I sit down on the bed and stare at him.

 

“Kiss me,” Legolas demands.

 

I lie down on my side next to him, pull him against me, and carry out his bidding. Tasting his lips is like coming home after fighting a battle and I crave more of that feeling. Hungry for more, I roll Legolas onto his back and climb atop of him. He smiles, seems to approve of my action, and slaps my left buttock. I glare at him, pretending being offended, but Legolas doesn’t buy it.

 

“I want you to take me,” Legolas whispers seductively. “Claim me, Eómer. “

 

He makes it sound so easy, but the truth is that I did this only once more. The first time we made love, Legolas took care of everything and I am not sure if I can do it right.

 

“Do not doubt yourself, Eómer. You cannot hurt me in that way… An Elf’s body differs from that of a Man. You won’t hurt me if you claim me like this.”

 

The palm of Legolas’ hand rests against my face and he softly rubs my skin. “Are you sure?”

 

“I am sure…”

 

Apparently he is growing impatient as he wraps his fingers around my erection and guides me toward my target. I place my hands at either side of Legolas’ head and nod. “I can do this…” Legolas’ nimble fingers encourage me to continue and I close my eyes in concentration when I sink into him. Legolas moans beneath me and I open my eyes to see if he’s in any discomfort. But it doesn’t look that – he looks content and there is a demanding expression in his eyes.

 

“Claim me, Eómer…”

 

I catch on, realizing he wants me to move, but I need a moment to adjust to the tightness clutching me. I lower myself onto my elbows so I can kiss him and thrust for the first time. Legolas bites on his bottom lip when I drive myself home a second time. It’s the first time that I’m in charge of our lovemaking and I like it that way. Legolas’ hands settle on my buttocks and he squeezes demandingly, which makes me thrust again…and again… and again.

 

I quickly lose myself in the motion and dive onto Legolas’ throat to mark him, like he marked me in the past. I suckle the soft skin and then bite him, shallowly and without drawing blood. Legolas surges beneath me and climaxes. I bite my tongue in order not to call out at the divine sensation that now grips my cock. I growl from deep within my throat, thrust again, and follow him over the edge. Feeling spent, I collapse atop of him. Legolas wraps his arms around me and holds me close.

 

I raise my head so I can look at him. There’s a probably a silly smile on my face, but I don’t mind. “You make me happy.”

 

“And you made me come,” Legolas purrs contently.

 

Gathering my courage, I look him in the eyes and say, “The next time we make love… Will you take me then?”

 

“Are you sure you want that?” Legolas thoughtfully looks at me. “We discussed this only the other day.”

 

“I want this.. I am sure of that. I want to know you in that way…”

 

“I will take good care of you,” Legolas promises. He wavers shortly, but then continues. “You do not have that much experience, do you?”

 

It’s time to admit the truth. “I had one lover before you. It happened when we went out on patrol… Nights get lonely and we huddled together… We enjoyed those stolen moments… You are right though… I lack experience.”

 

“I will enjoy teaching you,” Legolas says and smiles.

 

I rest my head against his shoulder and draw in his scent again. Legolas completes me in a way I never thought possible and I feel grateful that he wants to be with me – that he loves me.

 

~~~~

 

It vexes me that Legolas is already awake when I open my eyes. How does he do that? “Don’t you sleep?” After making love, we had cuddled up in bed together, and since Haleth didn’t scream himself awake, we stayed there for the rest of the night.

 

“The Firstborn do not sleep, Eómer.”

 

Legolas’ answer stuns me. “You don’t sleep? Ever?” How can that be?

 

“Very seldom. I might sleep when gravely injured, but that would not be for long.”

 

“Then why do you stay in bed? You must be bored and…” Legolas shakes his head and arches an eyebrow. Something I said displeased him.

 

“I stay in bed because it offers me the possibility to hold you – and for many hours at that. I enjoy holding you in your sleep, watching you, my love.”

 

I find that hard to believe, but I have to accept it. I can’t and won’t call him a liar.

 

“It is almost time for us to leave the bed. The sun is about to rise and Gamling expects you to join him.”

 

“Go easy on Haleth during his first lessons. He will feel lost.” I know that Legolas will make a good teacher, but still. “The memories will make it hard for him to concentrate.”

 

“I will be careful,” Legolas promises.

 

He pushes back the furs and the cold air that now glides across my skin makes me shiver. “Tease.”

 

“Maybe… now move. You do not want to keep Gamling waiting and I want you to say goodbye to Haleth before you leave.”

 

He’s pushy, but then again, it’s part of the reason why I love him so much. “I will.” I press a kiss onto his lips and then leave the bed.

 

~~~

 

Haleth is awake, but still in bed when I enter his room. He looks comfortable amidst the furs, and Ghost, who is a great source of warmth when it’s cold like this. Nothing works better than body warmth to ward off the chill that still clings to the Golden Hall of Meduseld. That will change by late spring and the beginning of summer.

 

“You look rested.” I place the tray, which I picked up in the kitchen earlier, on the side of the bed and smile at the youngster. Legolas will keep him busy today and his lessons will afford Haleth little time to brood.

 

“I slept well,” Haleth says in that small voice of his. “Ghost kept me company… He kept me warm as well.”

 

“I’m happy that the two of you are friends now. “ I hand him a mug filled with steaming hot tea and encourage him to carefully sip from it. “I must leave now, but Legolas will remain close.”

 

“Hopefully I won’t disappoint him. I never learned to read and write and…” Haleth doesn’t finish the sentence – his voice slowly dies.

 

It’s like I hear an echo of myself. I am the same – I always worry about letting Legolas down as well. “Legolas isn’t easy disappointed and he knows that you didn’t have lessons until now.”

 

Haleth reaches for the bread and nibbles on it. “I want *you* to feel proud of me too.”

 

“You already succeeded in that, Haleth.” Haleth raises his eyes questioningly at me, but I don’t elaborate – let him wonder for some time. It will keep him from brooding. “I must go now. I will see you this evening. We will dine in the Hall tonight.”

 

Haleth nods, pulls the fur close to him, and Ghost rests his head on the boy’s knee. I leave Haleth knowing he’s safe and comfortable. Now that I attended to this boy’s needs, I need to do the same for the rest of my people.

 

TBC

 

Paper and Ink

Part 4

 

“I never tried this before… I don’t know what to do.” The prospect of learning to read and write worries me. The scribbles on the paper in front of me mean nothing to me, and when Legolas opens a book, I simply look at the drawings, not at the words.

 

“Do not worry, Haleth. We will go slowly. Someone taught me as well, and when he did, he went slowly too.”

 

I wonder if Legolas said that so I would ask him about his teacher. If it was premeditated, he succeeded. “Who taught you?”

 

“My father,” Legolas replies and gives me a wink. “He took me to his library, sat me down, and said that books hold words as well. I was very much like you. I preferred to look at the drawings instead.”

 

I rest my elbow on the desk in front of me and use it to support my head. Dreamily, I look at him. Legolas looks like he could have stepped out of one of those books. He isn’t a Man, he is an Elf, and that fascinates me. “What were you like as a child?” I probably shouldn’t ask such questions, but I’m curious. I want to know more about him.

 

Legolas laughs and moves closer to me, like no one else is supposed to hear his words. “I was a naughty child. I did not want to sit in the library and study the books there. I wanted to be out in the open climbing trees and play mock fights with our guards or spy on the spiders.”

 

“Spiders?” I shiver – I don’t like spiders. I hate the big ones with lots of hair and big eyes.

 

“We have huge spiders in Mirkwood,” Legolas replies.

 

“How huge? Like this?” I show him by using my hands.

 

“Nay!” Legolas shakes his head and looks rather earnest when he continues. “The smallest one I saw was two meters tall and the largest almost four.”

 

That’s it. I’m definitely never visiting Mirkwood. “What do they eat when they are that big?” I am afraid to hear the answer though.

 

“Elves, if they can capture them. That is why we hunt them and kill them. We do not like to kill, but the spiders give us no choice.” Legolas moves a quill along with ink toward me. “Do you want me to draw one for you?”

 

I nod. “Aye, please…” That way, Legolas keeps me regaled with his tales and I don’t have to start my lesson yet.

 

Legolas begins to draw, and when he finishes his spider, I move away from the desk unwillingly. It looks hideous. “I’m sorry, but I will never visit your homeland if it has those monsters in it.”

 

“I am not sure they are still there. Now that Sauron’s power is broken, they might have run away.” Legolas gives me a thoughtful look. “You know what we call this creatures,” he says and points at the drawing.

 

“Yes, that’s a spider.” I am not *that* stupid!

 

“Now you will learn to write the word as well.”

 

Damn, I ran into that with eyes wide open.

 

“Now, pay close attention.” Legolas takes hold of the quill again, dips it in the ink, and writes down the letters separately. “You will like making an S… It is a bit like a snake, do you see that? I want you to try now.”

 

There’s no way out for me – I’m going to embarrass myself terribly. I take hold of the quill and try to get used to the feel of it between my fingers. “Like this?” My S doesn’t look as good as his though.

 

“Very good. Now we will try the P… It is a nice and round letter….”

 

Legolas continues to coax me in that manner, and a few minutes later, I finish the word. I compare my writing with his and cringe. His is fluent and gracious, mine is nervous and ugly.

 

“You did well,” Legolas praises me. “You deserve a reward for that.”

 

“I do?” I stare at him in wonder. I didn’t do anything special.

 

“I will teach you how to write your name. Would you like that?”

 

That’s Legolas’ idea of a reward? But yes, I want to be able to write my name and so, I nod. “What does my name look like?”

 

Legolas writes it down for me and I frown at realizing its length. Some of the letters look more difficult than the ones I already tried. Legolas however convinces me to try, and although I don’t like the result, Legolas seems pleased and that’s the important thing, as far as I’m concerned.

 

“We will end your lesson here,” Legolas announces as he puts the quill and ink away. “We will continue tomorrow.”

 

I wonder what he wants to do for the rest of the day. He doesn’t speak though, so in the end, I raise my head and ask, “Now what?” Legolas immediately becomes animated, and I have the feeling he was waiting for me to ask him that.

 

“Now you will show me around. I do not know the Hall as well as I would like.”

 

All right – I can do that for him. Legolas rises from his chair and I follow his example. Ghost, who was asleep in front of the fireplace, lifts his head, and when he sees we’re about to leave the library, he follows us into the corridor. I show Legolas around and he seems interested in the place as he asks me questions. My tour comes to an end an hour later when we step into the kitchen.

 

“You have great timing,” Legolas says as he beckons me to join him at the kitchen table. “It is time for lunch.”

 

Is it? I sit down next to him and the cook puts tea and bread in front of us. Legolas picks up the tea and I mirror his move. I blow onto the surface and sip from it. I continue to stare at Legolas. For some reason I can’t get enough of looking at him. After everything I went through these last few weeks, he looks like a beacon of light – something good that survived the dark that came over Rohan.

 

Legolas cocks his head and smiles. “Would you like to go for a ride later?”

 

Of course I do. I love to ride. “Can we?”

 

Legolas nods his head. “Eómer made all necessary arrangements. I will take out Arod and Eómer set aside a horse for you too.”

 

I love the idea of going out riding and feel grateful that Legolas wants to keep me company while doing so. “Thank you…” I feel shy and lower my gaze. Legolas places his right hand on mine and squeezes. The gesture surprises me, but is also very welcome. It encourages me to lift my gaze again and to make eye-contact.

 

“You are welcome, Haleth. I like spending time with you. It is rare for me to spend time in this way. Either I was fighting in the war, or hunting down spiders in Mirkwood. I enjoy your company too.”

 

His words make me blush. I can’t help being shy. “Are all Elves like you?”

 

“Like what?”

 

“So…nice…” Hopefully I’m not embarrassing myself by saying that and I peek at Legolas to find out. Legolas however merely seems pleased.

 

“Most of them, aye… Although a few can be arrogant.”

 

Legolas’ fingers still squeeze mine and the touch feels wonderful. Eómer and he are the only ones reaching out to me and I crave the contact. I want to be held and reassured as I desperately need that. “Legolas…?” I briefly make eye-contact, but then my courage deserts me. I can’t possibly ask him…

 

“What is it, Haleth?”

 

“Would you…hold…me?” I bite onto my bottom lip –rather hard, and draw some blood. I can’t believe I did that. I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t want to impose! Legolas already does so much for me and I must seem ungrateful now.

 

Legolas moves closer, his hand deserts mine, and then he enfolds me in a hug. I can’t stop myself; I cling to him and tears fill my eyes. It feels so good to be held like that. I feel *safe*. I want to stop the tears from leaving my eyes, but I lose the fight and they flow down my cheeks. “I’m sorry…”

 

“You need not to be ashamed, Haleth… I feel honored that you would reach out to me… that you let me be there for you in this way…”

 

Legolas rocks me and I feel even more embarrassed for crying in his arms, but I can’t stop this storm. The emotions need out.

 

“Do you feel better now?” Legolas asks several minutes later when I stop crying.

 

I raise my head, nod, and want to wipe away my last tears, but Legolas stops me and he uses his sleeve to do away with them. I manage a weak smile. “I don’t know what happened.”

 

“But I do…” Legolas strokes my hair and smiles at me in a reassuring way. “You saw things that were never meant for your eyes. It is good that you let go of the pain. It takes time to deal with the atrocities which you witnessed at Helm’s Deep, but you are strong and will heal.”

 

Legolas’ words reach my heart and I smile shyly at him. “I like you… I think you make a good…friend…” It’s too early to call him father. I can’t do that. Hama was my father and… Damn, the tears are back and I… Legolas leaves his chair, kneels next to mine, and pulls me in to a hug. I fling myself at him and sob against his shoulder. “I miss my father… I miss Hama… I miss him, Legolas…” Legolas tightens his embrace and I hold onto him. My tears grow less, but the ache doesn’t.

 

“That is only normal, Haleth, that you miss your father. You suffered a great loss.”

 

I’m relieved that Legolas understands, but then again, I can’t imagine him not understanding my pain. He seems so perfect. I pull away from him and timidly raise my head. “It hurts…here.” I place my hand against my chest, where I figure my heart is located and look at him pleadingly.

 

“It will continue to hurt for a while,” Legolas says. “But it will get better.”

 

“Thank you…” I wipe away my last remaining tears and manage a smile. “I’m happy to have you.”

 

“And I am happy that you let me care for you.”

 

Legolas ruffles my hair and the gesture makes me smile more genuinely. Hama used to do that too.

 

“It is time to distract you,” Legolas announces. “We shall go for that ride now.”

 

~~~

 

Ghost made himself comfortable in front of the stables and gets up when Legolas and I return. It felt great to be on horseback and I allowed the mare to run free. She loved it too. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t stop now, but Legolas is adamant that I don’t overdo it and he wants me back inside.

 

I jump off the mare’s back and hug her. “Thank you for that ride.” She moves her head, as if she wants to say that she enjoyed it too. “Maybe we can go out riding again tomorrow.” I steal a look at Legolas when I say that and when the Elf nods, my heart grows lighter again.

 

Arod and my mare are taken into the stable to get a good rub down and Legolas takes my hand in his. He walks me over to Ghost and I go down on one knee to hug the dog. It’s hard to believe that I was scared of him a few days ago.

 

Legolas, Ghost, and I head back for the Hall. I wonder if Eómer is back already. It’s growing dark and he said we would have dinner in the Hall tonight. I want to see him again too.

 

“Try to rest,” Legolas says as we reach the door to my room. “I will collect you in one hour so you can have dinner with us.”

 

“Do you think Eómer is back already?” Legolas and Eómer are quickly becoming everything to me. They are important to me and I want them close.

 

Legolas briefly closes his eyes, opens them again, and smiles. “He is in his rooms. You need not worry about his safety.”

 

“How do you know that he’s back already?” Is Legolas merely pretending he knows, or does he really?

 

“I am an Elf,” Legolas says patiently. “And Eómer is very dear to me. When I concentrate, I can tell if he is near or not.”

 

“I want to be able to do that too!”

 

Legolas just smiles at me. “Maybe you will be able to do that when you find someone you love like I love Eómer. Now go and rest, Haleth.”

 

I open the door to my room, allow for Ghost to enter as well, and close the door behind me. Legolas has given me lots to think about.

 

~~~

 

Legolas remains true to his word and knocks on my door an hour later. I managed to get some sleep—horseback riding did tire me. I open the door am surprised to see Eómer stand there.

 

“I hope that you’re hungry…” Eómer smiles and extends his hand.

 

I accept the gesture and place my hand inside his. Eómer closes his fingers around it and I feel safe again, like those monsters can’t hurt me again. Ghost pushes past me and starts to walk down the corridor. That dog already knows where we are headed. I fall into step next to Eómer and smile at seeing Legolas join us.

 

“You look like you enjoyed yourself today,” Eómer says. “The lessons weren’t as bad as you had feared?”

 

“Lessons were great,” I say softly. “Legolas taught me to write my name and then we went out riding.” I wonder if Legolas told Eómer about me bursting out into tears today.

 

“That’s good to hear, especially since you will have lessons six days a week.”

 

Eómer’s comment cheers me up. That means I will spend lots of time with Legolas. We arrive at the Hall and Eómer guides us to the main table. He signals for me to sit down next to Legolas and I gladly do so. Legolas sits to Eómer’s right and Ghost cuddles up beneath the table at our feet. The cook serves soup, cold meats, and bread. I pull the bowl with soup close and start eating.

 

I notice the glances Eómer and Legolas give me. It’s like they’re checking on me to find out if I’m doing fine. I’m happy though – they need not worry.

 

“Elassar sent word regarding the food supplies,” Legolas says. “He will send more food and he will find men to work the fields when the time comes.”

 

“That’s good news indeed,” Eómer replies in-between bites.

 

I don’t think their conversation interesting and focus on the food instead. I steal a slice of bread and dip it into the soup before eating it. Ghost seems to remember that my feet make a good pillow and he rests his head on them. As a result my feet, which felt cold, grow pleasantly warm.

 

“The messenger had other news as well,” Legolas continues.

 

I wonder if I would get away with stealing some of the cheese on the tray. I don’t know if it’s meant for me, or if I’m entitled to it, but neither Legolas nor Eómer seem interested in it.

 

“What kind of news?” Eómer looks up and frowns.

 

“Apparently a small delegation of Elves arrived yesterday.”

 

Eómer becomes rather animated and I wonder why. Maybe I should pay attention to their conversation after all. At least then I know what’s going on. Legolas’ expression is fixed and I can’t read any emotions on his face, which makes it harder to determine what’s happening.

 

“Haldir left an unforeseen legacy. Apparently he left behind a son.”

 

I don’t know Haldir and lose interest again. I reach beneath the table and rub Ghost behind the ears.

 

“Haldir’s son has requested to travel to Rohan. He wants to see Helm’s Deep, see the graves and honor his father that way.”

 

I shiver. Why would anyone want to travel there voluntarily? And what graves? Didn’t they burn the Elves?

 

“There are no graves for him to visit…” Eómer sounds thoughtful. “But I will allow it if his mind is set on doing this. What’s his name?”

 

“Leadir…” Legolas pauses to find out what I’m doing beneath the table. He smiles when he sees Ghost there. “He is in Minas Tirith because he wanted to talk to Elassar about Haldir. Then, he wants to talk to you and travel to Helm’s Deep.”

 

Ghost gets to his feet and now that he stands, he can easily see what’s on the table. “Don’t,” I caution him. “That’s not your food.”

 

Eómer however doesn’t agree and throws Ghost a bone with a small amount of meat left on it. Ghost grabs it, lies down again, and starts chewing.

 

“Sounds like we have an arrogant Elf on our hands,” Eómer comments in a displeased voice.

 

“Why do you think Leadir is arrogant?” Legolas wants to know.

 

“He makes a lot of demands…”

 

“Why would anyone want to go to Helm’s Deep?” I ask eventually as the conversation confuses me. “The only thing you find there is death.” Eómer raises an arm and rests his hand on my shoulder.

 

“You’re very wise for your age, Haleth.” Eómer’s gaze shifts from me to Legolas and he asks, “Does Leadir travel alone?”

 

Legolas shakes his head. “Leader is only thirty- four years old, only a little bit older than Haleth here. He would not be allowed to travel alone. Maybe one of his uncles accompanies him. Orophin possibly…”

 

“I won’t stand in Leadir’s way, but I hope he was taught manners…” Eómer comments. “You deal with it.”

 

Legolas nods. “I will.”

 

I am not quite sure what happened. Did they fight just now? Or was it a mere conversation? I don’t think I will be very good at diplomacy once those lessons start if this already confuses me.

 

~~~

 

I gather my courage when I climb into bed. Ghost already waits for me and Eómer nurses the fire to make sure it won’t die during the night. “Can I ask you a question?” I’m afraid I might trespass, but I need to know.

 

Eómer joins me on the bed as he sits down. He looks relaxed and is all smiles. “What do you want to know?”

 

“Are you angry with Legolas?” I monitor his reaction carefully, as I don’t know what to expect.

 

Eómer blinks in surprise. “Why would I be angry with Legolas? Why do you think that?”

 

“When you talked to him during dinner… About this Leadir…” Was it just my imagination then? Hopefully!

 

“Ah that…” Eómer shrugs. “I don’t know why, but I felt irritated. Not by Legolas, but by this other Elf demanding everyone acted his way. Elassar has more important things to do at the moment. And like you, I think it’s folly to travel to Helm’s Deep. Our people are still busy burying the dead or ridding themselves of Sauron’s creatures.”

 

I shiver at hearing that. A memory flashes alive in my mind and my thoughts take me back to that fateful night. I should have died during the attack, but I managed to stay alive. I was incredibly lucky to make it out alive. I wish the men fighting with me had been just as lucky though.

 

“Don’t think back to that day… Doing so will bring back the nightmares,” Eómer advises.

 

It’s too late though. In my mind I’m back at Helm’s Deep.

 

“What is keeping you?”

 

I register Legolas’ voice and try to pull away from those dreadful memories, but they are resilient and won’t leave me alone.

 

“Haleth grew worried that I was cross with you,” Eómer says as he pulls Legolas onto the bed beside him.

 

“Why would you be cross with me?”

 

Legolas gives me the same surprised look which Eómer did and it tells me I overreacted. Everything is well between those two.

 

“Because I wasn’t pleased to hear about Leadir.”

 

Eómer tucks the fur around my form and strokes my hair. “Haleth, Legolas and I will probably disagree once in a while, but that doesn’t mean I’m angry with him.”

 

Legolas nods and the smile on his face makes me relax. “Thank you… I worried.”

 

“You need not worry,” Legolas says as he gets to his feet. “Sleep now. You had a long and eventful day.”

 

He’s right – I’m tired. I inch closer to Ghost, put an arm around him, and enjoy the warmth he supplies. A moment later, lips press themselves against my brow and sensing them makes me smile.

 

“Sleep tight, Haleth,” Eómer says. “May your dreams be full of the sun, summer, and love.”

 

I would like that, yes… Pressing closer against Ghost, I quickly fall asleep.

 

TBC

 

Revelations

Part 5

 

 

“Did I come across as angry earlier at dinner?” I didn’t think I did, but why else would Haleth believe that I was upset with Legolas?

 

“You did not.” Legolas uses his fingers to comb his hair and looks at me from over his shoulder. “Haleth is young. He has not yet learned to read emotions correctly.”

 

Legolas walks over to me and presses his front against my back. I hiss at the skin-on-skin contact. We’re both naked as we’re readying ourselves for bed. I turn around and embrace him. “And he’s confused at that. I’m glad you told me about the breakdown he suffered this morning… I worry about him though.”

 

“Haleth is young,” Legolas repeats. “It is important that he offers his pain a way out. He might be emotional for a while, but that will help to speed up his recovery. It would be worse if he kept everything inside.”

 

I rest my brow against Legolas’ and search his eyes. “Thank you for being there for him…and me.” Legolas touches my face and I close my eyes in bliss.

 

“I wanted to make love to you tonight, but this is the wrong moment for it. Your heart is heavy and I shall hold you instead.”

 

“You know me so well.” I draw in his scent and tell myself that it’s okay to unwind. “I need to sleep…” I want to tell him more, but I don’t want to burden him. Legolas gathers my hand in his and leads me over to the bed. We lie down and I move into my lover’s arms.

 

“What causes your weariness?”

 

Legolas strokes my hair in a soothing way and I feel completely comfortable like this. I love him for being him – he can be wicked, domineering, supporting and loving. It’s a rate treat to find all those characteristics locked away in just one person. “Gamling and I rode out into the Westfold today and it’s bad out there. The Uruk-Hai slaughtered the men, leaving women behind with small children. Some children are so weak that they won’t survive the next week. I ordered Gamling to take the little food we have and share it with them, but it’s not enough.”

 

“Elassar will send food.”

 

Legolas pulls me tightly against him and I sigh. “They burned down most of the houses…killed the cattle… Legolas, I don’t know how to help them. There’s so much suffering and so little I can do to help ease it.” I’m close to tears.

 

“Eómer, I trust you to make the right decisions. You care for your people and therefore you will do you utmost to help them, but you also need to keep in mind that you can do only so little. You need help…”

 

I pull away from Legolas so I can look at him. “We live here in luxury while they fight for their very existence.”

 

“We need to talk about your ideas about luxury then, but I understand what you are trying to say. Just ask yourself this – in what way would it help those people if you were to starve yourself? Eómer, you’re King. You don’t live in luxury. Aye, we have a roof over our heads and food on the table, but it is a meager meal we feast upon and sometimes there is little more than watery soup and bread. You need to remain strong so you can guide your people. You cannot expect to solve all problems in a few days. Rebuilding your land takes time. You must take it step by step.”

 

I drink in Legolas’ words and cling to them. I hope he’s right for I feel like abandoning my people. “I should do more though.”

 

“Eómer, you do the best you can. You might not be able to heal the hurt of all the people in the realm, but you *are* easing Haleth’s pain. Find comfort in that.”

 

“Haleth…” I *do* care about the boy and I regret the things he has been through. Aye, I want to help him heal and wish I could work miracles so he wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. But I can’t work miracles. I’m no wizard, not even a healer. I’m just a Man.

 

“You support him… You show him you care… That is very important to Haleth. Do not think lightly about that. He lost his father and it would have been very easy to lash out at you – us – in anger. But he did not do that. He cares about you in turn.”

 

In my heart I know that Legolas tells the truth. It’s my head that it’s fighting my heart. Maybe it’s time to share more personal details with Legolas. Maybe then he will understand me better. “I was never good enough… Or I thought that I was never good enough.”

 

Legolas sucks in his breath in surprise and eyes me curiously. “Good enough?”

 

“Eówyn and I lost our parents when we were very young. I don’t remember them… Théoden took us in and he took a particular liking to Eówyn. He spoiled her and I didn’t begrudge her his attention. It did her a world of good.”

 

“Continue,” Legolas says as he massages my scalp with his fingertips. “Tell me the rest as well.”

 

“Théoden was a father already when he took us in. Eówyn was the daughter he never had, but he already had a son. There was no place for me… I know Théoden tried and that he did love me, but… I always felt lacking… unwanted even.”

 

“I see…” Legolas looks at me thoughtfully. “That is in the past however. Do you still need his praise?”

 

I shrug my shoulders. “Théoden is dead – I’m King now… Rather unexpectedly.”

 

“And you feel lacking again. Eómer, listen to me.”

 

Legolas moves about until we’re face to face and I wonder what comes next.

 

“You need to focus on the present. You are King here. Your people depend on you. You only need to justify your actions to one person – yourself. You must stop living in the past. You have to take responsibility for the present, and Eómer, you must accept that you are doing well. The land begins to recuperate, you have a lover who adores you, and a son who needs you. Concentrate on those things.”

 

“I love you…” My hand trembles when I touch his face. “Legolas, you don’t know how much your love means to me…”

 

Legolas sighs and he gives me another hard, long look. “I love you, Eómer. I respect you and I think that you are a good King. You will rebuild this land and we will be happy – the three of us. You are strong and no matter what the future holds for us, you will face it and emerge victorious.”

 

Legolas’ passionate speech leaves me breathless. Does he really mean all that? Aye, it looks like he does. I rest my head against his shoulder, rub my thumb against his chest and swallow the lump of emotions that has settled in my throat. “Give me time, Legolas… I will work hard on accepting that.”

 

“Silly Man,” Legolas says in a playful voice. “Do not doubt yourself, for I do not doubt you either.”

 

I close my eyes. My heart feels lighter now and I let Legolas’ words accompany me into sleep.

 

~~~

 

I’m no longer surprised to find Legolas awake when I open my eyes the next morning. I stretch lazily, sigh deeply, and press closer against my lover. “Morning,” I whisper.

 

“Morning, my love…”

 

Legolas looks utterly desirable and my body stirs. I made a promise and the time seems right to show him that I keep my promises. I push my hands beneath his back and roll him atop of me. Legolas arches an eyebrow, but doesn’t question my move. “I want to make love with you, Legolas,” I whisper into his ear. I’m already hard and I can tell that Legolas grows erect too. “Take me…”

 

Legolas releases a deep sigh and then those soft lips descend onto mine. We share a kiss and my hands wander lower, down his spine and toward his buttocks. I squeeze them and wiggle an eyebrow at my lover. “Don’t keep me waiting.”

 

I *am* nervous, and maybe even more nervous than I want Legolas to know. I have been in this situation only once before, and back then, we had to act hasty. Although I had found the release I had craved, there hadn’t been any emotional connection. I hope that things will be different with Legolas.

 

“I cannot take you like this…”

 

Legolas straddles my waist and his right hand trails down my sternum. I quiver at the touch. I watch him closely and am surprised to see him lift a vial from beneath the bed. “What’s in there?”

 

“Oil… I want you to find pleasure in this act too,” Legolas explains. He uncaps the vial and drizzles the oil onto his erection.

 

I raise my arms and rest the palms of my hands against either side of his head. I can’t allow myself to think about what’s to come and I pull him close enough for another kiss. Legolas deepens the kiss and his tongue chases mine until he has me sighing.

 

I part my legs and Legolas moves in-between them. I want him – I want to feel him that way, but I know better than to rush this. His fingers curl around my cock and Legolas strokes firmly. I close my eyes in pleasure and lick my lips when the tip of his erection presses against the entrance to my body. This is it… It’s finally going to happen.

 

Legolas keeps up stroking me, and at the same time, he inches inside. Slowly and only bit by bit, and I’m grateful for that because it does hurt. I try hard to hide my discomfort though, but it’s folly to think that Legolas won’t notice.

 

“I love you, Eómer…”

 

Legolas’ lips desert mine and he moves lower my body. I suck in my breath in surprise when Legolas licks at my nipple and I thrust hard against him, causing him to sink in the rest of the way. The pain is sharp, but it also makes me feel alive. I open my eyes and search Legolas’ face. Legolas looks worried, but then his lips curl into a smile. He buries his hands in my hair, rests his body atop of mine, and claims my lips again. I appreciate it that he gives me the time I need to get used to this new feeling – my body isn’t used to being invaded in such a way.

 

When Legolas finally *does* move, it’s gentle and minimal. I don’t know how he does it, but after a few thrusts, the pain resides and a warm, almost orgasmic sensation fills me. It starts in my groin and grows more intense with every thrust. “I won’t… last long…”I warn him. I don’t know what he’s doing, but it pushes me to a quick and intense orgasm.

 

“You do not need to last long…”

 

Legolas pushes his arm below my left leg, lifts it, and by doing so, changes the angle of this thrusts. The next time thrust sends me into a sweet delirium. I can’t stop this feeling from building inside me and reach orgasm the moment Legolas buries himself again. I wrap my arms around him and cling to him, all the while trying to stop the shaking that has taken control of my body. This is the fiercest orgasm I ever experienced!

 

Legolas stops moving, collapses atop of me, and twitches in my embrace. I’m relieved that I didn’t leave him behind by much. I push his long hair behind a pointy ear and look at him. He looks radiant at the moment of his climax. His lips are pursed, his body is taunt like a bow, and his eyes are open and revealing. I caress his face and Legolas leans in again for another kiss.

 

When we end that kiss moments later, I stare at Legolas in rapture. Why was I nervous to begin with? I should have known that Legolas would do everything right. I smile at him, caress his face, and cock my head questioningly as I can tell that he’s going to speak.

 

“We have come full circle, melamin,” Legolas says and smiles.

 

I feel touched at hearing him finally expressing his love for me in his own language. “I’m glad we took that step, my love.”

 

Legolas nods, touches his lips to mine, and seals our love with a kiss.

 

~~~~

 

I decide to check on Haleth before riding out with Gamling. Opening the door, I peek inside. I don’t want to infringe on Haleth’s privacy, but I *do* need to know that he is fine. Haleth isn’t in bed though – he sits in front of the fireplace and pets Ghost’s head. “Can I come inside?”

 

Haleth raises his head and smiles at me. “Aye, please…”

 

He seems genuinely happy to see me, so I walk over to the fire place and sit down next to him. Ghost gives me a lazy look and I rub behind his right ear. “Why are you awake already? I expected you to be asleep.”

 

“Ghost woke me up. He was hungry…”

 

Oh, I remember waking up to a wet tongue and pleading eyes! “So what did you do?”

 

“I went to the kitchen and asked the cook if he had anything left.” Haleth grins. “He gave me a big bone for Ghost and he has been chewing on it ever since.”

 

I notice the bone, which Ghost tucked away beneath his body. He always was possessive of his bones. “And did you have something to eat yet?” Legolas is right – I can’t feed everyone in Rohan, but I can make sure Haleth is taken care of.

 

“The cook said I should come back later with Legolas.”

 

“Ah yes…” I notice the way Haleth blushed when he spoke Legolas’ name. “You like him, don’t you?”

 

Haleth lowers his gaze and nods slowly. “He is magical… I never saw anyone like him before… It’s like he stepped out of a book… I like him a lot.”

 

For one moment I worry that Haleth might be falling for Legolas, but no, when he looks at me again, I see nothing but youthful wonder in his eyes. “We will spend time together when I return tonight – just the three of us.” Haleth’s smile grows even brighter and I pull him into an embrace. “I hope you will enjoy your lessons today… Do your best.” Haleth nods and I release him. I wish I could spend more time with him, but duty calls.

 

Gamling already awaits me when I join him and his men at the stables. I mount Firefoot and signal the men to follow me.

 

~~~~

 

By the time I return home, I’m covered in dirt, grime, and even blood. We encountered a caravan of refugees, carrying wounded soldiers. Gamling and I attended to their wounds while our men created a temporary camp. We left our food at the encampment and Gamling will make sure they will receive more. I do hope Elassar will be quick in sending more supplies.

 

“We did what we could for them,” Gamling offers as he places a hand on my shoulder. “Rohan is a vast realm and you can’t be everywhere.”

 

Legolas told me the same thing, and I know that he is right, but still it weighs me down that I can’t help everyone. “We will go back tomorrow and see if they have everything they need.”

 

“Aye, we will, but rest this evening…and make sure you eat, Eómer.”

 

Smiling, I nod my head. I appreciate it that Gamling still kicks my ass when necessary. Right now, Eómer and not the King. “I will eat.” I hand Firefoot to one of the men and head for my rooms. I open the door and am not surprised to see Legolas standing there, apparently waiting for me.

 

“You need a bath,” Legolas says, quickly sizing me up.

 

“Aye, I stink… I know that…” I remove my boots and cloak and collapse onto a chair. “I will wash up quickly. There’s no need to ready a bath for me.”

 

“As you wish…”

 

Legolas’ meekness surprises me. Studying his expression, I realize that he’s up to something. “What did you do?”

 

“I sensed your return and asked the servants to prepare a bath. They readied it for you already.”

 

I shake my head at him – when will I learn? I should just let Legolas take charge. “I will be quick.” I get to my feet and drop my clothes on the floor as I make my way over to the tub. Lowering myself into the water, I can’t stop a sigh from leaving my lips. I rest my head back against the rim and close my eyes.

 

“Are you wounded? There is blood on your clothes.”

 

Opening my eyes, I find Legolas sitting on the rim of the tub and he gives me a worried look. “We encountered injured Rohirrim and Gamling and I took care of their wounds.” Legolas leans in closer and gives me a kiss.

 

“You have blood in your hair too. Let me wash it for you.”

 

“You need not do that… I can do it myself.” Legolas however gathers my hands in his and doesn’t seem to mind about getting wet in turn.

 

“Eómer, I enjoy doing these things for you… I like to touch you and give you pleasure, be it in bed or in the bathtub.”

 

Legolas’ choice of words makes me grin. “I like that wicked streak of yours.” I don’t get a chance to add more, as Legolas unexpectedly pushes me beneath the surface. I cough up the water I swallowed and glare at him. “Why did you do that?”

 

“It appears you no longer like my wicked streak!” Legolas reaches for the soap, creates lather and starts working on my unruly hair. “I had to get your hair wet.”

 

“Hum…” I’m still displeased though. “Give me a warning the next time you do that.”

 

“I might,” Legolas hints wickedly.

 

I enjoy his touch though – feeling his fingers move through my hair sooths me and when he massages my scalp I even purr. “Feels good.” Legolas stops, reaches for a cup that stands next to the tub and uses it to pour water onto my head. “Why didn’t you do that to begin with?”

 

“Well,” Legolas replies. “I *am* wicked.”

 

I won’t argue with him about that and decide to change the subject. “How does Haleth fare?”

 

“He did his best. He is eager to learn to read and write, but it will take him time to learn the basic rules. We went out riding later. He is a natural when he is on horseback. He will make a good Rohirrim one day.”

 

I brush the water, which Legolas poured onto my head, away from my face and give my lover a thoughtful look. “I have no children, Legolas, and I don’t think I will ever sire any… In a way, Haleth is my heir, now that I pronounced him my son.”

 

Legolas puts down the cup and reaches for a towel. I take it from him and dry my hair as well as I can. “Haleth might be the next King of Rohan.”

 

“What will you do if Eowyn gives birth to a child?”

 

That’s a reasonable question. “I will probably leave the decision to her. Knowing my sister the way I do, she will be relieved to learn that her children won’t have to carry the burden of ruling the land.”

 

“You think Haleth is a good choice then?”

 

I rise from the water and Legolas hands me a morning robe. I gather it around me and step out of the tub. “Haleth fought at Helm’s Deep. He knows how to ride a horse, and in time, he will learn how to wield a sword. He will do well as the next Lord of the Mark.” I walk into the bedroom and sit down in a chair next to the fireplace. “Let us hope I won’t die for a very long time so Haleth has time to grow up…” Legolas settles on the chair’s armrest and gives me a stern look.

 

“You will live a long and happy life. Do not think about death, Eómer.”

 

I pull him into my arms and kiss him. “Did Haleth and you eat supper already?”

 

“We decided to wait for you. Ghost already had supper though. Your cook spoils him.”

 

“Ghost is old and deserves being spoiled. Legolas, would you fetch Haleth and send for dinner? That way, I can get dressed.” Hopefully he doesn’t think that I’m giving him orders, because that’s something I don’t want.

 

“Of course, but do not bother to put on too many clothes as I will only remove them later.”

 

Legolas’ cocky comment makes me grin. “I look forward to that.”

 

Legolas gets to his feet and leaves the room, while I turn around and search for a clean set of clothes.

 

~~~~

 

Haleth sits cross-legged on the furs, while Ghost uses his knee as a pillow. Legolas moves about the room and I wonder what he’s doing. “Legolas, why can’t you stay in one place?”

 

“I merely fetched your wine, Sire,” Legolas says, bows playfully and squeezes into the chair next to me. “The cook was especially proud of himself that he could offer you some. Apparently it is a rare treat.”

 

I accept the wine and sip from it. Legolas is right though – beer and wine are rare these days while they flowed in abundance not so long ago. I feel at ease, maybe even a little drowsy and I suspect that drinking the rest of the wine will worsen that condition. Legolas caresses my face and then his fingers glide into my hair, which is still damp from the bath I took earlier. I’m content to watch Haleth, who seems tired as well.

 

“I have news for you,” Legolas suddenly says and by doing so, breaks the enchantment of the moment. “The Elven party will arrive tomorrow.”

 

That’s news I could have done without with. “I assume Leadir will cause a row if I don’t speak with him?”

 

“If he takes after his father he might, aye.”

 

That’s not encouraging news. “I will make time for him, but he had better leave quickly.”

 

“I also learned the identity of his companion. It is not his uncle, Orophin, as I thought, but Celeborn, the Lord of the Golden Wood. I was surprised at first, but then learned that Rumil and Orophin already sailed for Valinor. As Celeborn has no desire to follow them, he offered to be Leadir’s guardian.”

 

Aiya, that’s just want I need. A pompous, stuck up Elf.

 

“You had better behave tomorrow when you speak to them,” Legolas advises. “Like you, Celeborn is used to speaking his mind and you do not wish to cause an incident.”

 

“I will do my best,” I promise.

 

“Will they stay for long?” Haleth looks up from petting Ghost.

 

“I hope not,” I tell the boy. “If they are determined to travel to Helm’s Deep, I won’t stop them, but it’s still folly to go there.” Haleth nods and he seems lost in thought. The blank expression in his eyes draws my attention and I shift forward. “What’s amiss?”

 

“In my nightmares, I’m back there – in Helm’s Deep. I see the blood that was spilled and hear the screams of the men dying around me. I still don’t understand how I survived or why… Sometimes I think I should have died with them.”

 

I exchange a look with Legolas. My lover nods, allows me to get up, and I make my way over to Haleth. I sin on my hunches next to him and pull him into my arms. “We don’t get to decide who lives or dies, Haleth. That battle left you shattered on the inside, but you’re a fighter. You will deal with this and emerge from it stronger. A higher power decided that we should live, you, Legolas, and I.”

 

“Eómer is right,” Legolas adds as he sits down beside Haleth. “We do not have a say in life and death. We must accept our fate and for you that means finding a way to make the pain go away. Eómer and I will help you with that. You are not alone…”

 

I pull Legolas into the embrace as well and we sit like that for a long moment. It’s Haleth who breaks up the embrace first. The vacant expression is gone, and although tears swim in his eyes, he also smiles.

 

“I could not do this without you – the two of you. You are so very dear to me…”

 

“And we care about you, Haleth, greatly.” Haleth leans into the embrace again, and while secretly exchanging a look with Legolas, I rub my son’s back. Haleth might not be my blood, but he is the son I always wanted.

 

TBC

 

Confrontations

Part 6

 

Legolas doesn’t collect me in the morning like he usually does and that’s odd. I wait for him for half an hour and when he still doesn’t show up, I leave Ghost to his bone and step out of the room. I reckon that my best chances of finding him are in his rooms, so I walk over there and knock on the door. “Legolas?” I don’t bother calling out to Eómer, as I saw him leave for the stables earlier. “Are you in there?”

 

“You can come inside, Haleth.”

 

That’s Legolas voice. Now that I have permission to enter, I open the door and remain frozen in the doorway. Legolas is in the center of the room and his long knives glitter dangerously as he swirls them through the air. I don’t dare move, afraid I might get up hurt if I do. Legolas finishes his training sequence, comes to a stop, and cocks his head at me. “I should go. I don’t want to interrupt anything.”

 

“Nay, step inside and close that door behind you.” Legolas sheathes his long knives and gestures for me to move closer. “You need not worry. You are safe. I would never harm you.”

 

“I know you would never do that…” But I still feel uneasy when I close the door behind me. The way the blades shone in the sunlight reminded me of other blades, which carried dark smears of blood.

 

“Tell me,” Legolas says as he walks up to me. “Would you like to be able to defend yourself?”

 

His question takes me aback and I don’t know what to say. A part of me wants to be able to fight off attackers, but another part is deadly afraid of the flashbacks I might suffer. “I don’t know…” I lower my gaze and stare at the floor.

 

“Haleth, you should be able to defend yourself.” Legolas takes my hand in his and guides me over to the chairs close to the fireplace. “But I understand that you might not favor the sword or the long knives for that matter.”

 

“I’m not very good at archery either,” I offer in a small voice. “I always miss.”

 

“We will worry about archery later.” Legolas places a finger beneath my chin and lifts my face that way. “I would like for you to consider a different weapon.”

 

“What else is there?” I don’t want to wield a sword ever again. I remember how heavy it was and how clumsily I handled it. Legolas is right – I don’t like his long knives either.

 

“When I left Mirkwood to attend Elrond’s council my father made sure I was well- armed. You have seen me wield a sword, use my long knives, and shoot my arrows.”

 

I nod… I did… I only saw him for minutes when he fought the Uruk-Hai at Helm’s Deep, but what I saw, deeply impressed me. I can never hope to be a warrior like him. I lack the skills, and secondly, I’m just a Man. He’s an Elf. He’s special and I’m not. Legolas reaches for his saddle bags, which for some reason, rest next to the chair he’s sitting on.

 

“There is one weapon, which I mastered, but do not use in combat. It does not suit me… It does not feel like it is an extension of my arm… But it might be perfect for you…”

 

I want to tell him that I lack the skills to wield a magical, Elvish weapon, but my curiosity gets the better of me. I want to know what he’s talking about. Legolas removes something from his saddle bag and I’m disappointed that it’s not a weapon after all. It is some sort of cylinder – made of metal and it has beautifully crafted inscriptions in it. It also has sharp edges like a knife, but it’s obviously not a weapon. Legolas smiles at seeing my disappointment and shakes his head.

 

“Do not let its appearance fool you, Haleth. It is a mighty weapon. My father enchanted it when the smiths made it.”

 

I don’t want to displease him, but I just can’t see what kind of weapon it would make. “I’m sorry, but…” Legolas however raises an arm and gestures me to be quiet.

 

“As I said earlier, it is enchanted.”

 

Suddenly, a strange sound rushes through the room and the cylinder changes form. It expands in length and suddenly it’s my height. I stare at Legolas in surprise. “How can that be? What is it?”

 

“It is a staff, made from the finest mithril you can find. It reacts to its master’s thoughts. If you want it to gain full length, it will.”

 

Intrigued, I stare at the staff. “I understand why you don’t use it in battle. It’s not very practical.” Legolas however shakes his head and smiles conspiringly.

 

“You are wrong. It is a magnificent weapon to wield. Let me show you… Stay where you are, Haleth… Do not move away from your chair.”

 

I know a warning when I hear it and my fingernails press into the armrest. Legolas moves away from me, assumes a fighting stance, and then I witness the deadliest and most beautiful dance I have ever seen. He moves with such grace that I don’t understand why he doesn’t favor this weapon. It seems an extension of his body and he handles if with such ease that I grow slightly jealous. Maybe I *do* want to learn to use a weapon. It doesn’t look like he’s fighting… It looks like a majestic dance.

 

Legolas comes to a halt and his eyes, which twinkle, fasten on me. I shift uneasily on the chair and wonder why he looks at me in that way.

 

“It is a lethal weapon,” Legolas says as he returns to his seat. The staff retracts and now that it’s small again, Legolas rests it on his knee. “Lethal because it will slide through flesh like a hot knife through butter. Its master must have complete control and mastery of the weapon or else it might cause him injury as well.“

 

I nod. “That makes sense.” I find it an intriguing and beautiful weapon, but I will stay clear of it as I don’t wish to be injured.

 

“I want you to have it…”

 

I’m shocked when Legolas places the weapon in my lap. “Nay, I can’t wield it.”

 

“Then you will learn to wield it. I will teach you.”

 

I stare at the weapon in panic. “What if it extends to its full length right now?”

 

“It won’t… I listens to its master’s commands. At the moment, I am the only one who can wield it, and trust me, I do not wish to cause you injury. In time, however, you will learn to wield it.”

 

I don’t feel comfortable with that thought. “It’s much too sharp…much too dangerous a weapon for me to have.” Legolas has mercy on me and takes hold of it.

 

“One day you will feel at ease handling it. In the meantime, we will use a wooden staff for you to train with.”

 

That sounds better and I nod at Legolas. “I can do that.”

 

“We will start your first training session in the afternoon. We set aside the morning for your reading and writing skills, remember?” Legolas puts the mithril weapon back into his saddle bag. “Come with me. We will go to the library and you will practice writing your name.”

 

Legolas gets to his feet, extends his arm, and I curl my fingers around his hand. I don’t know why he wants me to learn to wield this staff, but if it’s important to him, I will try. I don’t think I will make him proud though. I can’t possibly move with such grace like he did. I will disappoint him…and I don’t want that… Maybe I can make it up to him by excelling at writing… I do hope so… I don’t want to be a failure – again.

 

~~~~

 

We just finished today’s lesson when Eómer enters the library. It’s rare for him to be around during the day and I’m happy to see him. “I can write my name…” I tell him and show him my writing. It’s no longer as shaky as it was that first time and I actually like writing.

 

“You do well,” Eómer says in a praising voice.

 

He sits down next to me and watches me write. After a while, he raises his head and looks at Legolas. “The food supplies Aragorn promised have arrived. I sent most of it out to the villages.”

 

“I am not surprised,” comments Legolas.

 

“Aragorn also sent men who can help rebuild the villages. I put them to work already.”

 

Legolas cocks his head and reaches for Eómer’s hand across the table. “You regret being unable to work alongside them today.”

 

Eómer nods. He looks grumpy and I know more news is coming. “The Elves arrived as well. They were part of the escort that guarded the food supplies.”

 

Ah, that’s why he’s displeased. I still haven’t figured out why he’s opposed to talk to Haldir’s son. “Did you see the Elves yet?” I can’t help being curious. I wonder if they are just as magical as Legolas.

 

“I saw them… Haldir’s son displays a haughty manner I do not like,” explains Eómer.

 

“Maybe it is a front. He lost his father and his uncles sailed for Valinor. He lost his loved ones,” offers Legolas.

 

Eómer shrugs his shoulders. “I have no desire to find out. I will talk to him after dinner. I will return to my normal schedule tomorrow.”

 

“Leadir isn’t alone…is he?” I want to know about the elder Elf. Does he appear arrogant too?

 

“Celeborn accompanies him, aye.” Legolas eyes Eómer closely and seems equally curious. “What do you make of him?”

 

“It’s difficult to say.” Eómer shrugs. “I have to talk to him first. His expression is guarded.”

 

“We shall talk to them this evening,” announces Legolas. “But for now, Haleth needs to starts training.”

 

Legolas’ comment causes Eómer to arch an eyebrow questioningly. “What sort of training?”

 

“We discovered a weapon he likes…but he still needs to start his first lesson and I assume he prefers doing that without any observers.”

 

Legolas is right – I want as little spectators as possible when embarrassing myself.

 

~~~

 

I wait for Eómer to leave the room before I join Legolas in the center of the room. What will happen now?

 

“Before we add any weapons you need to learn some basic skills. Look upon it as a dance and mimic my movement as well as you can,” instructs Legolas.

 

He moves slowly, so I can keep up with him. He’s right – it’s like a dance and it even has me smiling a few minutes later. It’s hard to imagine that this could lead to serious battle.

 

“You are talented.” Legolas comes to a stop and so do I. “Let us find out how good you are at wielding a staff.”

 

“Legolas…” I shake my head. I’m scared of his mithril staff and don’t want to touch it! Legolas however quickly raises an arm and reassures me.

 

“You are not ready yet for that… But we can use these instead.” Legolas walks to a corner of the room and returns with two wooden staffs. “These seem acceptable, do you not think so?”

 

“Where did you find those?” I don’t mind handling one of those. If I get hit with it, it will hurt, but I will survive.

 

“I found them in the weaponry… Apparently the guards use them to train with.” Legolas hands me one and I curl my fingers around the cool wood. “We are going to repeat the sequence you just learned. You will hold your staff in this way.” Legolas demonstrates and I merely watch. “Are you ready to join in?” he wants to know.

 

I nod. I can do this. I mimic his stance and follow his movement as well as I can. Although it’s awkward to move like that with the staff being in the way, I manage. I look at Legolas and hope that I didn’t disappoint him.

 

“You did well!” Legolas seems genuinely enthusiastic and strokes a strand of hair away from my face. “I believe we have found your preferred weapon.”

 

I like the weight of the staff in my hand and nod. “It’s like a dance!”

 

“You are light footed and quick… You will excel at this, as long as you train each day.”

 

“Will you train me?” I hope he will say yes. Legolas knows how to handle my fear when it comes down to weapons and fighting.

 

“I will train you, Haleth. I would be honored to do so.”

 

I smile, take a step closer to him, and wonder if I can give him a hug. I want to thank him for everything he’s done for me. Legolas seems to know what I want, opens his arms, and I hug him tightly. “Thank you.”

 

Legolas doesn’t reply verbally. He merely tightens the hug and holds me tight.

 

~~~

 

I feel odd, standing slightly behind Eómer in the Golden Hall. I feel like I shouldn’t be here. This place is reserved for royalty – for Eómer and Legolas, not for me. Therefore, I try to hide as well as I can from curious looks. Most of the Rohirrim know that Eómer adopted me, but not everyone does, and then there are the men Aragorn sent. They don’t know me either. Eómer suddenly looks at me from over his shoulder and gives me an encouraging smile. I feel shy and lower my gaze.

 

“I’m not looking forward to this either,” says Eómer and nods. “We will get it over with quickly.”

 

Legolas gives Eómer a sharp look, but doesn’t speak. After all, Celeborn and Leadir are Elves and he might not like hearing Eómer speak about them in that manner.

 

The men standing near the doorway move aside and the two Elves enter. Feeling curious, I try to catch a look of them, but in order to do so, I have to move away from Eómer. I don’t like revealing myself, but my curiosity proves too strong.

 

The older Elf walks up front, just as I expected. He has a kind face, at least I think so. The eyes carry a warm expression and the way he moves reminds me of Legolas. He has long, silver hair and is dressed in brown hunting garb. Suddenly, he looks at me and I want to avert my gaze, but I can’t. I feel hypnotized and stare at him. He’s like Legolas – magical – and I like him.

 

The Elf walking behind him has the same hair color – silver, but the eyes are a different matter. They are cold. The blue in them is icy and his lips are drawn into a thin line. Aye, he is beautiful, like Legolas, but I don’t like him and I shiver.

 

“Greetings, Eómer King. I am Celeborn, Lord of the Golden Wood and I value your hospitality. I am grateful that you agreed to welcome us to your Hall.”

 

Celeborn’s voice is deep and sultry and in an odd way, it reminds me of my father’s voice. His gaze shifts away from Eómer and he makes eye contact with Legolas. I catch Legolas nodding minutely at Celeborn and the other Elf returns the gesture. Celeborn then returns his attention to Eómer. “My heart rejoices at seeing Legolas here as well. The Prince of Mirkwood has always been a good friend and I am glad to see him here.”

 

Legolas smiles at Celeborn. “My heart rejoices as well at seeing you here, Lord Celeborn.”

 

Eómer seems uncomfortable and I don’t blame him – I feel uneasy as well as Celeborn radiates wisdom and authority. I don’t know either how to react to him. Thankfully I am not the King.

 

“Welcome, Lord Celeborn,” says Eómer eventually. “I am honored to meet you, though I wish the circumstances were different, for it is a sad cause that brings you here.”

 

“Aye… Haldir’s death brings me here…” Celeborn doesn’t try to hide his sorrow and his eyes speak of loss and mourning when he looks at Eómer again. “He volunteered to lead the army into battle, knowing very well that he might not survive the fight.”

 

“I am deeply sorrow for your loss,” says Eómer. “Many lost their lives that night… Men and Elves alike.”

 

Legolas moves closer to Eómer and captures his hand in his. Legolas squeezes and gives Eómer a sad smile when the King looks at him. “We mourn all deaths,” whispers Legolas and nods. “They will never be forgotten.”

 

Celeborn nods approvingly. The younger Elf standing behind him, Leadir, seems impatient, judging by his expression and the way his feet shift constantly, but he remains quiet. For that, I’m grateful. I have the feeling that once he gets involved things will get complicated.

 

“And who is that young man behind you?” asks Celeborn.

 

I try to hide behind Eómer’s back again, but he won’t let me. Eómer turns around, takes my hand, and pulls me next to him. I don’t like being the center of attention and wish the floor would open and swallow me. Then they couldn’t look at me like that.

 

“Aye, I should introduce Haleth to you,” says Eómer in a proud voice, which I’m surprised to hear. I know that he cares about me, but I didn’t think he would show it in public. “Haleth is my son…”

 

I can’t stop myself from raising my head and staring at Eómer in surprise. He actually introduced me to Celeborn as his son? Why?

 

“Haleth will succeed me one day…” continues Eómer in a proud voice. “I think he will do well, ruling Rohan.”

 

Eómer’s words render me speechless. I’m not his heir! I’m not even his real son! I am not of the royal bloodline! He can’t do this! The Rohirrim will never accept me! Celeborn gives me a smile and I quickly look away again. I have no idea how to act now that Eómer proclaimed me heir to the throne of Rohan!

 

“Greetings to you too, Prince Haleth…”

 

Prince? Prince? What has gotten into them? First Eómer loses his mind and now I’m a prince? I wish I could disappear into my room, but I can’t do that. I can’t run out on Eómer right now.

 

“May I present my traveling companion to you?” Celeborn takes a step aside and signals for the younger Elf to move closer. “His name is Leadir and he is Haldir’s son… The reason why we are here.”

 

Leadir takes a step closer toward the thrown. Although he inclines his head to show Eómer proper respect, his eyes don’t. They are cold and arrogant. I really don’t like him and I will be glad when he leaves.

 

“Greetings, Eómer King… Prince Legolas…” Leadir raises his gaze and coldly stares at them. “I am here to request permission to travel through your lands to Helm’s Deep. I also need guidance as I have not undertaken this trip before, and neither has Lord Celeborn. We are in need of a guide.”

 

“We will discuss this in private – after dinner.” Eómer is displeased and it shows in his voice.

 

Leadir seems to pick up on it and seems irritated in turn. “I had hoped to leave tonight. I do not wish to linger here longer as is necessary.”

 

Celeborn quickly steps in front of Leadir and silences the younger Elf with one look. “Forgive him, Eómer King. Leadir is young and his heart mourns the death of his father. You are wise to suggest that we discuss the matter in private – after dinner.”

 

Eómer nods, but still seems irritated. “Don’t worry,” he says, “We will eat dinner in private.” Then he directs his gaze at Leadir and adds, “I will make sure you can leave as quickly as possible.”

 

Legolas draws in a deep breath and seems uneasy. I understand why – this is a delicate matter and Leadir and Eómer appear to dislike each other greatly. Hopefully I won’t have to attend dinner… I don’t want to sit at the same table as Leadir, although, I must admit, I find Celeborn intriguing.

 

“Follow me,” says Legolas and raises an arm toward the doorway. “We will eat dinner and discuss your journey to Helm’s Deep in detail.”

 

As Eómer still has a hold of my hand, I tug at it in order to gain his attention. Eómer looks questioningly at me and I whisper, “Can I go now?”

 

Eómer however shakes his head. “You will have dinner with the rest of us. You’re a part of my family, Haleth.”

 

Eómer’s words crush my hope and I accept the inevitable. I can merely hope that I won’t have to sit next to Leadir during dinner.

 

~~~

 

I have no luck at all as I end up sitting next to Leadir. The only thing that stops me from panicking is the fact that Legolas sits to my left. That way, I feel safe and I look at him pleadingly. Maybe he will have mercy and let me go, but no, Legolas merely gives me a stern look. I’m stuck here.

 

“I understand your desire to travel to Helm’s Deep,” says Eómer while sipping from his wine. “But I advice against it.”

 

Celeborn inclines his head and seems to agree. “I advised Leadir against going there myself, but he is young and quite stubborn.”

 

“I want to see where my father died. I want to know what he was fighting for. I want to honor him in that way…” Leadir’s gaze connects with Eómer. “What happened to his remains? I trust you buried them with due respect?”

 

Eómer gives Legolas a pleading look. I understand why he would prefer for Legolas to handle the matter as Legolas is an Elf as well.

 

“We did not have the time for that,” replies Legolas in Eómer’s stead. “So many had fallen… We had to take drastic measures.”

 

Next to me, Leadir has grown tense and the expression in his eyes grows even colder. “What did you do?”

 

“We created a pyre… We held a ceremony and I lit the pyre myself…”

 

“You burned them? Together?” Outraged, Leadir gets to his feet and knocks over his chair in the process. “You burned my father? He deserved to be treated with respect! He should have been buried and…” Leadir glares at Legolas. “I hate you!”

 

Celeborn rises from his chair as well. “Forgive him… It is his pain speaking and lashing out.”

 

“They burned my father!” Leadir stares at Celeborn and points at Legolas. “They burned our Kinsmen like…like…” Speechless, he shakes his head. “You betrayed our people!” he says, attacking Legolas.

 

“Everything is different in times of war,” says Legolas calmly. “You are young… You did not see such terror yet, and I pray you never will. We did what we had to do. The only alternative had been to leave them out there in the open. Animals and far fouler creatures would have preyed on them and that was not acceptable!”

 

All this talk about Leadir’s father has me remembering losing mine. I don’t even know what happened to my father’s remains. They’re probably still out there – well, his bones are. Predators will have eaten the flesh from his bones – if the Wargs didn’t do that when they attacked. I lower my head and fight back the tears that gather in my eyes. I miss Hama.

 

“I will not have more of this!” Eómer rises from his chair and speaks in a raised voice. “You will behave at my table and show proper respect, or else you will leave, Leadir!”

 

I peek at Leadir. He looks like he’s about to spit at Eómer, but Celeborn puts a hand on the younger Elf’s shoulder.

 

“Eómer King is right, Leadir. War calls for drastic measures, and although I do not like what happened there, I understand why they did it. When the enemy is on the move one does not have the time for proper rituals.” Celeborn gives Leadir a stern look. “You disregarded my advice when I told you not to undertake this journey, but you are as stubborn as your father, and now you must accept the consequences of your decision.”

 

“There is no grave for you to visit,” says Legolas calmly. “The only thing you will find there is death and decay.”

 

Leadir shakes off Celeborn’s hand, but remains quiet.

 

“Leadir,” continues Legolas. “Helm’s Deep is a tomb. There are still corpses out there. The Rohirrim work hard to either bury or burn them… When you go there, pyres, death, and pain will await you. Like Celeborn, I advise you against going there.”

 

“I do not care for your advise! I will go to Helm’s Deep and I do not need your approval to do so! If necessary, I will find my way there without a guide!” Leadir’s eyes blaze with rage and he turns around, storming out of the room.

 

“He is young,” offers Celeborn in apology. “He suffered a great loss and his heart aches because he will never see his father again. His grief and pain make him act rashly and I pray that you will forgive his misconduct at your table. I will talk to him.”

 

“We understand his pain.” Eómer sighs and looks at Celeborn. “Try to talk him out of it. Helm’s Deep will only worsen his pain.”

 

“I will try, but I fear his mind is made up. He will go there…with or without me…or a guide for that matter.” Celeborn moves toward the doorway, but doesn’t leave yet. “Can we speak again in the morning?”

 

Eómer nods. “Legolas and I will seek you out.”

 

Celeborn suddenly looks at me and I feel caught because I have been staring at him. I quickly look away, but I’m afraid it’s too late.

 

“I feel deeply for your loss, Haleth… You handle it well though and I wish Leadir possessed some of your wisdom.”

 

Celeborn’s words alarm me and I stare at him, feeling bewildered.

 

“Your pain is visible in your eyes, young one…” Celeborn seems uncomfortable, as if unsure if he should continue, but then he does. “I am very old, Haleth… And reading emotions and thoughts has become second nature to me. I do not do it on purpose, but your pain called out to me. Your father fought bravely and his death was terrible, but honorable…”

 

I reach for Legolas’ hand and lower my gaze. I can’t look at Celeborn… I wish he would stop talking like that.

 

“Celeborn… I know you mean well, but not now… not here.” Legolas gets to his feet and pulls me along with him. “See to Leadir’s needs and I will see to my son’s.”

 

Celeborn inclines his head, smiles sadly at me, and then turns around to leave.

 

I press against Legolas and sigh when his arms come up behind me to pull me into a hug. “I don’t like Leadir…”

 

“You are entitled not to like him,” replies Legolas. “Both of you suffered a great loss and Celeborn is correct – you act wisely, in offering the pain a way out. Even more importantly, you allowed Eómer and me in. Leadir’s grief however keeps him from accepting the comfort Celeborn offers… Hopefully, he will be able to let go of the pain as well.”

 

I don’t care about Leadir’s pain. I don’t care about him letting go. All I care about is the love Legolas and Eómer have for me and I crave more of it, as it is the only thing that drives away my pain.

 

TBC

 

Nightmares

Part 7

 

Ghost already installed himself at the foot end of the bed and I’m about to join him, when there’s a knock on the door. I turn around, wondering who it might be. Legolas and Eómer left only a moment ago, so I would be surprised if it were them. I move toward the door and put my ear against it. “Who’s there?”

 

“It is I, Celeborn. I would like to talk to you, Haleth.”

 

I blink in surprise. Celeborn? What does he want from me? I open the door, but make sure it’s only ajar. I don’t want him in my room before I know what he wants. Celeborn gives me a warm smile and inclines his head in greeting. I grow shy beneath his look and lower my gaze.

 

“Forgive me for disturbing you at such late an hour, but I would like to talk to you.”

 

Celeborn seems friendly and I *do* like him. I don’t think he’s up to anything bad, so I open the door all the way and step aside. “You can come inside.”

 

Celeborn nods and steps into the room. Ghost grows aware of his presence and lifts his head. He then jumps from the bed, walks toward Celeborn, and looks at him. If I didn’t know any better, I would say Ghost just greeted Celeborn.

 

“That is a very special animal, Haleth… And he loves you…greatly. Ghost would go to great lengths to keep you safe, but you know that, do you not?”

 

Celeborn surprises me at first, but then I nod, as he is right. “Ghost is my companion… Legolas and Eómer can’t stay with me all the time, but Ghost can and he does…” I’m not sure what to do next. After all, Celeborn is an Elf Lord and I’m the host here, but what would a host do?

 

“Why do we not sit down while we speak?” suggests Celeborn. “I find the warmth of your fireplace very appealing… Shall we continue there?”

 

I’m grateful that he’s helping me out and I nod. We sit down in front of the fireplace and he doesn’t seem to mind sitting on the furs – on the floor. “Why are you here?” Ghost lies down at our feet and closes his eyes. He obviously trusts Celeborn and I trust his judgment.

 

“I want to speak with you about traveling to Helm’s Deep. You appeared rather distressed when you heard that Leadir and I are going there.”

 

“I was there,” I tell Celeborn, who gives me his full attention. “I managed to survive that madness…” I don’t want to think back to that fateful night. I don’t.

 

“Will you tell me what happened and how you survived?”

 

Celeborn’s fingers suddenly wrap themselves around mine and my eyes grow wide from surprise. I know that he wants to comfort me, but I’m surprised that an Elf Lord like him would do so. He hardly knows me… “I don’t want to tell you.”

 

“I think you should… You still carry a gaping wound in your heart and maybe it will start to close if you share your pain. Words hold great power over us, Haleth. They can make or break you.”

 

Celeborn gives me a look that makes me choke up. It’s like he knows what I went through and how much it damaged me. There is something in his eyes that makes me think he might be right. I don’t want him to be right, but what if he is? He’s old… He’s wise… He must have seen battles before – must have fought in them so he must have a reason for wanting to wake up this pain in me.

 

“Haleth… Tell me about Helm’s Deep.”

 

I moisten my lips and feel nervous. “Do you want to hear about Leadir’s father?” Is that why he’s asking?

 

Celeborn however shakes his head. “I am not here to learn more about Haldir. I am here because I want to know more about you.”

 

Again, it’s his eyes that make me nod. It’s the compassion in them – a degree of understanding that I haven’t seen before, not even in Legolas’ eyes. “Théoden called all men to arms, young and old. His men came to the caves where we were hiding and took every man, able to wield a sword, with them. They decided I was old enough and was told to follow them into the armory. They gave me a sword and it was the first time ever I held one in my hand. I was terrified.”

 

Celeborn nods encouragingly and rubs my fingers. I didn’t want to tell him this, so why am I telling him everything after all? Maybe it’s best to simply continue, instead of asking myself such questions. That way, I will be done faster. “I met this man… He sat on the stairs leading up to the Hornburg. I didn’t know him… I didn’t know it was Aragorn at the time.”

 

A smile forms on Celeborn’s face and he nods again. “Continue.”

 

“He took my sword… tried it, and told me that it was a good sword… He gave me courage… Not much, but enough to face the upcoming night. I didn’t think I would see him again…and I didn’t. Back then, I thought I wouldn’t see him again because I would be dead in the morning, but I didn’t see him again because he had joined Théoden to plan ahead.”

 

I draw in a deep breath and stare into his eyes. I can’t close mine—can’t risk it as I don’t want to be back then. Celeborn grounds me and I need that. “It was terrible… It started to rain… Thunder and lightning joined in and Saruman’s army created this awful sound… An old man, standing at the other side, lost his nerves and fired an arrow. That was the beginning of the end. It took the enemy some time to get into the keep, but when they did, I was pulled along with the rest of the soldiers and… I was terrified… There was so much death… so much blood and then the Uruk-Hai came into sight.”

 

Celeborn continues to rub my fingers and Ghost rests his head in my lap, as if he wants to ground me too. I pet his head and continue in a whispering voice. “I don’t know where I found the courage, but I raised my sword and attacked. I was no match for the Uruk-Hai though. I was struck in the head and fell face forward into the mud. They must have assumed that I was dead because they didn’t bother making sure. I tried to get up – I tried to do my duty and fight them, but I couldn’t. My head was spinning and I felt nauseous. In the end, I lost consciousness… When the morning came, the rays of the sun woke me and I opened my eyes.”

 

I find, that now I’m talking about it, that the memories don’t frighten me as much as I thought they would. No one ever asked me to describe what had happened that night – Celeborn is the first and I want him to understand. “Soldiers were only a few feet away from me and I tried to get their attention. At first, I didn’t understand what they were doing, but then I realized they were ending the lives of the soldiers who were mortally injured. They decided who was to live and who was to die. I didn’t want to be found any longer as I was afraid they would end my life too. But then one of them noticed that I was still breathing and he came over to me. I begged him not to kill me…”

 

I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath. “I was lucky. They took me to the healers. They checked my injury, bandaged my head, and told me to head for the caves. I was to stay with the women and children as they no longer needed me.”

 

“Is your mother still alive?”asks Celeborn in a compassionate voice.

 

“Nay, she died while giving birth to me. Hama was the only parent I had.”

 

“Hama is your father?”

 

“Was my father… I still miss him though.”

“How did he fall?”

 

“As far as I know Wargriders killed him. It happened when we were on our way to Helm’s Deep. He rode out, but didn’t return.” I want this conversation to end. I feel like bursting out into tears and I don’t want to do that in front of Celeborn.

 

“I *am* sorry for your loss, Haleth… But tell me, what happened after you went into the caves?”

 

“I helped as well as I could… There wasn’t much I could do though, as I kept feeling dizzy. It took days before I was well enough to walk about and help.”

 

“One more question and then I will let you rest, as telling me drains you. How did you come to be Eómer’s son?”

 

“That was Gamling’s doing… He made sure that most of the orphans found new families… No one wanted me though – Hama was one of Théoden’s captains and people felt one of the officers should take me in. In the end, Eómer decided to take me in himself… That’s how I became Eómer’s son…” There’s something else I want Celeborn to know though. “When he welcomed you, he introduced me as his heir… I don’t know why he did that. I’m not of the royal bloodline… No one would accept me and… I’m not meant to be King.”

 

“I believe Eómer experienced the same thing,” Celeborn says softly. “He was not meant to rule Rohan either, was he?”

 

“You’re right… Théodred was Théoden’s son and supposed to succeed him. But he was killed in battle.”

 

“I see more clearly now,” comments Celeborn and he shifts closer to me. “You still hurt though… That night at Helm’s Deep wounded you – not merely in body, but in soul as well.”

 

I find the courage to raise my head and to look at him. I don’t see pity in his eyes, just compassion. I really like Celeborn. He sees me for what I am. “I will deal with it – I have Eómer and Legolas to help me.”

 

Celeborn nods. “And a great support they are, but they cannot heal this wound for you.” He pauses and his expression becomes thoughtful. “I have a request to make and I believe you would benefit from it.”

 

Now comes the real reason why he is here. Although I believe that he cares about me, he does have a hidden agenda. “What is it?”

 

“As I said before, Leadir’s mind is set on going to Helm’s Deep. I will be honest with you – if necessary, I can find the way myself, but I prefer for a guide to accompany us.”

 

I narrow my eyes at him. He isn’t going to ask what I think he is going to ask? I hope not!

 

“I would like for you to guide us.”

 

I shake my head and Celeborn watches me closely. I’m tempted to pull my hand away from his, but I don’t. Maybe I knew it all along – on a subconscious level – why he sought me out. “I don’t want to go back there. It’s one big grave.”

 

“I have my reasons for asking,” says Celeborn, who isn’t giving up yet. “Aye, you know the way there, which is the obvious one, but there are two other reasons why I think you should do this.”

 

I remain quiet, although I feel curious about those other two reasons.

 

“First, I believe you would benefit from facing your fears, those memories. Nightmares probably haunt you… Do you not want them gone?”

 

“You’re right. I often have nightmares, but they will get worse and not better when I go back there.” I don’t want to live through that night again!

 

“And there is a second reason why I pray you will agree to this.”

 

I’m curious about that one, but I doubt it will change my mind. “Go on.”

 

“You can aid Leadir’s recovery. This might sound selfish, but I would like for you to help him mourn. You found a way to deal with your grief – you are working through it in a good way. Leadir is… He is far from accepting his father’s death, let alone mourning his passing and moving on. Seeing you deal with your loss might show him a healthier way to mourn his loss.”

 

Celeborn is right – that does sound selfish to me. “Why would I want to help Leadir? I don’t even like him.”

 

Celeborn sighs. “I understand that he did not make a good first impression on you… But matters are different for him. Leadir is still young according to our standards, a little over your age, and he was under the assumption that Elves live forever…or at least for several millennia. He did not think he could lose his father that quickly.”

 

I’m not sure I care about that. “He’s arrogant and cold. He doesn’t care for others.”

 

Celeborn cocks his head and his lips twitch minutely. “That is what he wants you to think as it will keep you at a distance. Believe me when I say that here have been many nights that he cried himself to sleep.”

 

“There’s no shame in showing your pain…”

 

Celeborn nods. “You are right about that, but Leadir has been raised by the Galadhrim, the proud sentries of the Golden Wood – warriors. They taught him to be strong: they taught him that showing one’s emotions is a weakness. Leadir wants to honor his father’s memory so he honors his teachings. His pain needs a way out though… That is why I thought of you. You can show him how, without being considered a threat.”

 

Everything Celeborn says sounds solid, but I still don’t want to do this. “Why do you think he will allow me to teach him? He’s arrogant. He looks down on me and will dismiss everything I say or do.”

 

“Maybe at first, aye,” agrees Celeborn. “But he is capable of learning and trusting, Haleth. Do not make him more arrogant than he is. Aye, he is Haldir’s son and he was raised in a certain way, but he can change. However, in order to achieve that, I need your help.”

 

Celeborn rises from the floor, and after I move Ghost off of me, I follow his example. I feel a bit dizzy because I just bared my soul to him, but I also feel lighter – relieved.

 

“You do not have to give me your answer this evening.” Celeborn walks over to the door. “During tomorrow’s meeting, I will suggest you act as our guide. Eómer and Legolas might not agree to it, but in the end, it is your decision. If you tell me nay, I will accept that. I pray though that you will accompany us.” Celeborn opens the door and steps into the corridor. “I hope that you will be able to sleep tonight… Do not let this burden you. Make your decision in the morning and let me know.”

 

I nod, but I don’t feel confident at all. There’s no way I will be able to sleep tonight. I will toss and turn and won’t know rest until I have made up my mind.

 

~~~~

 

I can’t sit still and shift uncontrollably on my chair. Legolas insisted on continuing my writing and reading lessons, but I simply can’t concentrate. The meeting will take place in one hour and I know what Celeborn will suggest namely that I take Leadir and him to Helm’s Deep. I still haven’t made up my mind though.

 

“Haleth, what is wrong? You cannot seem to concentrate.”

 

Legolas looks worried and I feel bad for upsetting the lesson. “I have been thinking about Helm’s Deep a lot.” For some reason, I don’t want to discuss Celeborn’s visit with him. That is a private matter and the decision I have to make is my own. Legolas can’t help me. If I tell him about Celeborn’s request, Legolas will advise me against it. It’s funny, all this time I assumed I wanted to stay here, but a part of me thinks Celeborn might be right and that going to Helm’s Deep might be good for me.

 

“It is because of Leadir, is it not?”

 

In a way, Legolas is right – just not in the way he thinks. “I don’t like him. He’s arrogant.”

 

Legolas moves his chair closer to mine. “The Galadhrim are proud Elves, Haleth. When Elrond asked for volunteers, many of them answered the call, even knowing they would probably die at Helm’s Deep. Haldir volunteered to lead these Elves. His decision might have hurt his son’s feelings. Leadir knew that he might not see his father again and having Haldir chose his duty over him caused Leadir pain. Then Haldir died at Helm’s Deep and Leadir lost his father. Leadir’s feelings must be in turmoil over this and he has not yet found a way to handle them. That is why he lashes out in anger and hides behind arrogance. If he would allow you to look behind his mask, you might find an Elf who is hurting terribly.”

 

Legolas says the same things Celeborn did last night. Maybe I should do this after all. “Legolas, can we go to the stables and take out the horses? I’m sorry, but I can’t concentrate on writing.”

 

Legolas looks at me for several seconds and then nods his head. “Aye, you might need to be in the open instead. We will take our staffs with us so we can practice.”

 

I’m fine with that. I need out… I need to feel free.

 

~~~~

 

Being outside did me good. My mind has cleared and I know what I need to do. I’m not sure I have the courage to go ahead though.

 

I follow Legolas into Eómer’s rooms. Celeborn and Leadir are already present. Leadir paces and Celeborn sits next to Eómer. The two of them are talking softly.

 

“Ah, there you are!” Eómer caught sight of Legolas and gets to his feet. He embraces his lover and Legolas follows Eómer back to his chair. While Eómer sits down again, Legolas takes up position behind him and rests his hands on Eómer’s shoulders. “Celeborn and I were discussing the route he should take.”

 

Legolas arches an eyebrow. “I thought you wanted to take a guide with you,” says he, addressing Celeborn.

 

Celeborn gives me a quick look, but then he focuses on Legolas again. “I asked one of your men to guide us and he still has to give me his answer. If he decides against it, Leadir and I will depart without him.”

 

“I can appoint a guide to you,” offers Eómer.

 

“Thank you, but nay, it is important that this particular person accompanies us on our journey. Another will not do.” Again, Celeborn looks at me and lower my gaze. “I wonder if he has made up his mind yet.”

 

I don’t want to do this in Eómer’s and Legolas’ presence, but I can’t disappear from their lives without giving them a proper reason. “I did.” Legolas turns his head and looks at me with a guarded expression in his eyes. Eómer rises from his chair and walks over to me. “Celeborn and I talked last night… And he asked me to be their guide,” I explain to them.

 

“You cannot be serious,” says Leadir sharply. He turns toward Celeborn and snarls, “He is nothing but a child!”

 

Celeborn gives Leadir a stern look. “That ‘child’, as you call him, has fought at the battle of Helm’s Deep. You still need to see your first battle so I suggest you pay him proper respect!”

 

Leadir opens his mouth as if to continue the verbal fight, but then closes it. I wouldn’t dare speak up either if Celeborn directed that look at me. Celeborn looks every ounce the King of the Golden Wood.

 

“You can’t do this, Haleth.” Eómer places his hand on my shoulder. “You still have nightmares about that night and going there will only worsen them. You belong here now – with Legolas and I.”

 

By the Gods, I don’t wish to hurt him, but I have to do this. “Eómer… I’m grateful for everything Legolas and you did for me and I love you back, but I must do this. I don’t want to have these nightmares anymore. I believe that facing them will make them disappear. I can’t hide here forever…”

 

“But Haleth,” starts Eómer, but then Legolas wraps an arm around the King and pulls him against him.

 

“Eómer, let Haleth go. I think he is right in this matter. Running away never solved any problems. Facing them does.”

 

Eómer turns in the embrace and stares at Legolas in disbelief. “But Haleth doesn’t know how to defend himself should he run into trouble.”

 

“I will vouch for his safety,” says Celeborn in a firm voice. “I will keep him safe.”

 

“I don’t mean any disrespect,” says Eómer as he turns around to face Celeborn. “But you are alone. If you run into Orcs or Uruk-hai, which are still on the run, then–“

 

Celeborn doesn’t give Eómer a chance to finish his sentence and cuts him short. “I have several means to defend myself and my companions, Eómer King.”

 

“He is right about that.” Legolas establishes a hold on Eómer again by wrapping an arm around the Man’s shoulder. “I would not challenge Lord Celeborn to combat, for I would be utterly defeated.” Eómer stares at Legolas, quite stunned, and Legolas chuckles. “Hopefully I will be spared that embarrassment…but aye, I entrust our son to Celeborn’s care.”

 

Eómer remains undecided though and Leadir gives me a look filled with venom. If looks could kill, I would be dead now. “Please, Eómer, I need to do this. I don’t want be like this for the rest of my life. I need to stand up to my demons.” That’s only part of the reason why I am doing this though. I realized that Celeborn might be right when he said that I could aid Leadir’s recovery. Although I greatly dislike the young Elf, helping him is the right thing to do.

 

“I don’t like this… I don’t like it that you’re putting yourself in danger.” Eómer looks troubled and I’m sorry for putting him through this.

 

“Allow your son to do this, Eómer King,” says Celeborn calmly. “No harm will come to him while he is in my care.” Celeborn inclines his head and smiles at Legolas. “I will even continue his lessons.”

 

“That is acceptable,” replies Legolas, but we both know that it’s Eómer’s decision which counts.

 

“I still don’t like this,” whispers Eómer. “But if you feel you need to do this, then I won’t stand in your way.” Eómer hugs me and looks me in the eyes. “Make sure you come back in one piece though. You *are* my son and I love you.”

 

A lump of emotions settles in my throat and I don’t trust myself to speak so I merely nod. Eómer releases me and steps up to Celeborn.

 

“And you had better keep him safe, for if something happens to him, you will answer for it.”

 

Eómer’s tone borders on the edge of a threat, but Celeborn merely inclines his head. “I understand, Eómer king.”

 

I cast a glance at Leadir and can tell that he’s angry. He doesn’t agree with Celeborn’s actions, but he can’t do anything against him. Being on the road with him won’t be easy and he will make life difficult for me – and even for Celeborn – but I will endure it. I want to rid myself of my nightmares, and if I can help Leadir as well, I will do so – whether he appreciates it or not.

 

TBC

 

Goodbye

Part 8

 

Leadir wasn’t pleased when he found out that we wouldn’t leave until the next day, but under Celeborn’s stern look, he had no choice but accept it. I still think that I made the right decision, even though Eómer disagrees. Legolas seems to understand to a certain degree, but he isn’t pleased either. They would have preferred for me to stay.

 

“Leadir? Can I come in or am I interrupting?”

 

I sort of expected Legolas to come by so I’m not surprised to see him stand in the doorway. “You can come inside.”

 

“Are you packing? Can I help?” offers Legolas.

 

“Don’t trouble yourself… I don’t have much to pack at any rate.” I put a spare outfit into my bag and wished I could take Ghost with me as well, but the dog is too old and wouldn’t make it to Helm’s Deep. It’s best that he stays here and rests.

 

“You will need this… Celeborn agreed to continue your training and you cannot be without your training weapon.”

 

Legolas presents me with a staff and I take it. “Don’t you think it is rather awkward to haul it around with me when I’m on the road?” Legolas grins at me: did I say anything wrong?

 

“I can give you the mithril staff if you prefer. It is small and will not be in the way.”

 

“Nay!” I’m not touching that thing! “Nay…” Legolas sits down next to me and gives me a hard look. “I must do this… Don’t you understand?”

 

“After a fashion,” replies Legolas. “I understand why you need to do it, but still, I wish you would stay instead.”

 

“I can’t do that, Legolas… I love you… and Eómer… but I need to do this for myself. I didn’t realize it at first. When Celeborn talked to me, I wanted to say no, but after I gave it some thought, I realized he might be right.” Legolas’ hand reaches for mine and he curls his fingers around mine. He rubs my fingers and it’s obvious that he doesn’t want to let me go. I hadn’t fully realized, until now, just how much he means to me and I wrap my arms around him. Legolas returns the hug and sighs. “I will come back to you,” I promise. Legolas pulls slightly away and smiles at me.

 

“Haleth, I pray that you will be back. I greatly care about you and I look upon you as my son. I know that Eómer feels the same way and his heart is heavy because you are leaving.”

 

“Maybe I should say goodbye to him and give him a hug too?” I would feel better if I did that.

 

“That sounds like a good idea to me.”

 

Legolas gives me a hug and then rises from the bed. He extends his hand and looks at me expectedly. So I get to my feet, put my hand in his, and we make our way to Eómer’s rooms together. Legolas opens the door, peeks inside, and then looks at me with a smile. He steps inside and pulls me along.

 

Eómer is on the bed, about to go to bed. Legolas gives me a push and I walk toward him. Eómer looks up, smiles, and gestures for me to come closer.

 

“It’s good to see you, Haleth. I had hoped you would drop by.”

 

I sit down on the side of the bed and look at him – really look at him. Eómer looks tired, sad even, and I regret causing him sorrow. “I don’t want to say goodbye to you… I want to stay, Eómer, but I can’t. I need to do this.” Hopefully he will understand, just like Legolas understands.

 

“I know that – in my head… But my heart doesn’t want to let you go, Haleth.”

 

Like before with Legolas, I lean in closer and hug Eómer. “Thank you for loving me… When my father died, I didn’t think that I would ever be part of a family again, but Legolas and you… You’re the best parents I could have hoped for. I love the two of you… And I will make you the same promise I made Legolas… I will be back… I will come back to you… I still need to improve my writing and reading skills… And I need more of your hugs… You won’t lose me.”

 

Eómer pulls me tightly against him and rubs my back. I didn’t think that saying goodbye – even only temporary – would be so hard. “I can do this,” I whisper into his ear. “I survived that night… I survived the attack… And I do believe that Celeborn will keep me safe.” I really do.

 

“He is right… Celeborn will keep him safe,” says Legolas, who stands next to the bed. “I do not want to let him leave either, but we must.”

 

Eómer moves away slightly and I raise my head to find out what he feels like. He looks troubled, but I can tell that he accepts my decision. “Let’s hope I won’t bash Leadir’s head in. He’s annoying.” It’s my intention to make Eómer smile and I succeed. Eómer chuckles and strokes my hair away from my face. “I don’t like him either.”

 

Eómer nods. “He’s irritating, but I agree with Legolas… Sometimes, when we hurt we hide behind a mask. Leadir hasn’t yet found a way to deal with his father’s death and that’s why he’s misbehaving. Try to be patient, no matter how trying his behavior might be.”

 

“I will do my best, but I can’t make any promises,” I reply.

 

“That is good enough for us,” says Legolas. He exchanges a look with Eómer and asks, “Would you like to stay the night? The bed is big enough for the three of us.”

 

Although Legolas’ offer is tempting, I shake my head. “Thank you, but I won’t get much sleep tonight… I will toss and turn and I don’t want to keep you awake…”

 

“That’s all right.” Eómer pulls me close again and gives me another hug. “You will be leaving early in the morning, so this is goodbye for now. Take care of yourself, Haleth. I expect you to be back… I need my heir at home,” he says and gives me a wink.

 

Ah yes, I still need to talk to him about that, but not right now. “I can take care of myself…” I get up from the bed and run into one of Legolas’ hugs. One day, they will squeeze me to death, but I’m not complaining. “I will be back before you know it.” It’s odd that I’m trying to comfort them… I’m only leaving for a short time – a month at the most and they’re acting like they won’t see me for years!

 

“Get some sleep now,” says Eómer. “You need all the rest you can get.”

 

I nod, and after Legolas released me, I head for the doorway. Before leaving the room, I turn around, smile, and wave at them. I head for my room, where Ghost already waits for me. I undress, slip beneath the covers, and love the way he curls up against me. It’s hard to believe he ever scared me. “Sleep tight,” I whisper and pet his head. “Tomorrow night, you’ll be alone.”

 

~~~

 

The next morning, I make quick work of getting dressed. I’m eager to leave – to get this behind me. I will feel better once I’m on the road. I hug Ghost, rub behind his ears just the way he likes it, and pick up my bag and staff. I head for the kitchen, eat breakfast, and put some food into my bag. The cook can’t spare much, but the bread will keep my from going hungry. I’m not sure where to go next: I had expected for someone to pick me up – most likely Celeborn.

 

“Ah, there you are! I was looking for you!”

 

I should have known it would be Eómer finding me. He seems to have a hard time letting me go.

 

“Celeborn and Leadir are at the stables. They’re waiting for you.”

 

I follow Eómer, and when we reach the stables, I find that Leadir has already mounted his horse. He gives me an impatient look and I ignore him in turn. He’s not getting under my skin – not this time.

 

“We are ready to leave,” announces Celeborn as he greets me with a smile. “Do you have a horse?”

 

That’s actually a good question. I don’t have one, do I? I turn toward Eómer and find that Legolas is leading a horse out of the stable. I know the mare – she is part of the royal breeding stock. She has a grey coat and a red spot on her head.

 

“Of course does he have his own horse. He’s a Rohirrim!” Eómer gives me a wink and I blush. “This is Fire Star… She’s yours.”

 

I don’t feel comfortable accepting such a gift, but I don’t want to object in Leadir’s presence. He would use the situation to his advantage and ridicule me. In order to avoid that, I say, “Thank you.” Eómer flashes me a blinding smile and hands me the reigns. Knowing better than to hesitate, I climb onto her back and hope she’ll accept me as her rider. Legolas hands me my bag and the staff to Celeborn, who already tucked a similar one away in his saddle bags. I still think taking them with us is impractical, but I *do* want to continue my lessons.

 

I lock gazes with Legolas and he nods at me – that is his way of saying goodbye. Eómer rests his hand on my knee and squeezes it. I’m still surprised at how hard it is for him to let me go.

 

“Come back, Haleth, do you hear me? That’s an order,” says Eómer softly.

 

“I made you a promise and I will keep it.” Eómer removes his hand and waves at me instead. Leadir’s horse moves first, and then Celeborn gestures for me to follow him. I do so and Fire Star falls into pace with his horse, which is an absolutely magnificent animal. The stallion is black all over and his eyes are alert all the time.

 

I turn around in the saddle and wave at Eómer and Legolas one last time. Legolas has put his arm around Eómer and suddenly I want to run back to them. I will miss them… But I also know that I need to do this if I want to rid myself of my nightmares. I smile at them one more time and then turn around. I focus on the road in front of me and fight back the tears that threaten to flow down my cheeks.

 

Suddenly Celeborn’s hand descends onto my shoulder and settles there. He squeezes and I look at him. “It’s hard – leaving them.” Celeborn nods, showing he understands my situation.

 

“You will return to them shortly – most certainly within a month.”

 

“I know that, but still…” I don’t know how to explain matters to Celeborn, but when I look at him, I realize I don’t need to.

 

~~~

 

We have been on the road for four hours when my stomach starts growling. Celeborn hears it, looks up, and smiles. I give him an apologetic look and shrug. Recalling that I stuffed bread into my bag, I open it and search for the food. I find it, rip off a chunk, and munch on it. Suddenly I realize that I will have a problem down the road when my food supply has gone. Ah well, I will have to deal with it when the moment comes. There’s no use in worrying about it now.

 

“This seems like a nice spot to pause and rest,” announces Celeborn, which promptly earns him a vile look from Leadir.

 

“We do not need to rest,” says Leadir in a clipped voice.

 

Celeborn arches an eyebrow and Leadir seems to shrink into himself. Suddenly he doesn’t look cocky anymore.

 

“When I call for a rest, we will rest, Leadir. We are undertaking this journey for your sake, but there are other matters to attend to as well. We *will* rest and after that I will teach Haleth more about wielding a staff. You can go hunting, if you desire and ensure dinner later today.”

 

“The staff,” Leadir sneers, seemingly regaining his momentum. “That is no weapon for a true warrior.”

 

Celeborn sighs before addressing Leadir again. “The staff is a formidable weapon and one you never learned to wield. You do not know how to use it, so do not judge its effectiveness.”

 

“How hard can it be?” Leadir turns around in the saddle and challengingly looks at Celeborn. “I excel at archery and know how to wield the long knives and sword. The staff cannot be that difficult.”

 

“Such a pity,” says Celeborn, “that I only have two staffs with me. You will have to wait for Haleth to finish his lesson before I can teach you.”

 

Leadir appears insulted and turns his head away again. “I will learn from watching you wield it, Celeborn, and seeing him,” and he points at me, “making a fool out of himself.”

 

“We will see who will be the fool when this trip is over,” says Celeborn in a slightly ominous voice. Even Leadir catches it and eyes Celeborn closely. Celeborn however doesn’t react to that glare and steers his stallion toward the stream.

 

~~~

 

Legolas showed me some sequences before, but Celeborn moves quite differently. It’s still a dance, the thing that attracted me to it in the first place, but it’s more forceful, potent…it’s hard to explain, but I like it. Leadir has watched us for half an hour now. He pretends disinterest, but I can tell that he wants to join in. Like Celeborn said, he only brought two staffs with him, so Leadir has to sit and wait. I suspect that once we have finished, Leadir won’t want his lesson. He will act insulted again.

 

I turned sweaty during our work out, and when Celeborn ends the training, I’m out of breath. I feel like I need to rest, but knowing Leadir, he will demand we leave right away. I forgot about Celeborn though. Celeborn walks over to the stream, sits down, and rests his back against the trunk of a tree. He smiles and allows for his gaze to travel along the surface of the water. If he’s going to rest, I will do the same, and I sit down next to him, enjoying the view like he does.

 

“I want to resume our journey!” Leadir marches over to us and glares at Celeborn. “How much longer do you want to waste our time?”

 

“This time is not wasted…” Celeborn looks at Leadir and gives him a lazy look. “There is beauty all around you… It is in the stream, the trees, the sky… There was a time when you saw it too.”

 

I bite my tongue as I don’t want to get involved in their argument.

 

“Can you blame me for not seeing it any longer? I lost my father!” Leadir turns around and marches away, fuming mad and talking aloud to himself in his own language.

 

I *do* feel sorry for him and would like to help him, but he will only bite my head off if I do. Biting on my bottom lip, I watch Leadir stride toward the horses.

 

“He is all bark but no bite,” says Celeborn unexpectedly. “It is his way to keep people at a distance these days. He was not always like that, Haleth, but his father’s death tremendously hurt him and he is determined to never experience such pain again.”

 

“It doesn’t work that way though,” I mutter. “People you care about still die, even if you pretend you don’t care about that and what’s even worse… Who will love you if you act like that?”

 

Celeborn nods. “But Haleth, Leadir does not want to be loved anymore and he does not want to love in turn.”

 

“That’s a cold and lonely life.” Just thinking about it worries me. “It was Eómer’s and Legolas’ love, which helped me heal. If I hadn’t allowed them in then…”

 

“You did what Leadir cannot, but maybe you can teach him?”

 

I startle a bit at hearing the hopeful tone to Celeborn’s voice. Although I know it’s the reason he asked me along in the first place, the prospect of actually having to talk to Leadir worries me. “Do you think I should go after him?”

 

Celeborn doesn’t nod, but inclines his head thoughtfully. “I think you should, but prepare yourself for rejection. He will fight you… He does not want you to get close to him. Keep in mind though that he reacts in that way because he hurts… You will have to persevere if you want to get through to him.”

 

“I figured as much.” I can’t help release a sigh when I get to my feet eventually. “I will see what I can do…” I feel Celeborn’s gaze in my back when I walk away from him, but I don’t waver and walk over to Leadir, who angrily kicks at a rock. It’s too heavy for him though and he can’t move it. It merely frustrates him even more.

 

“You can borrow my staff if you want to practice.” It’s the first thing that comes to mind as I don’t know how to get the conversation started. Leadir gives me a dirty look and swipes his long, blond hair behind an ear, which is pointy, just like Legolas’. Seeing it makes me smile.

 

“I do not need your wooden toy! It is not fitting for a warrior!”

 

If looks could kill I would be long dead. “Celeborn doesn’t seem to mind using it.”

 

“Celeborn merely wishes to please you, though I wonder why! You are only a child… Not even a Firstborn!”

 

I remind myself that the insults are supposed to chase me off and I stand my ground. “Celeborn doesn’t seem to make that distinction. I like him.”

 

Leadir snorts. “You like him… You hardly know him!”

 

He kicks at the rock again, and this time, his features contort momentarily. I suspect he just found out that rock is harder than bone. “You’re right… I don’t know him well, but I will get to know him better during our trip.” Do I want to make myself vulnerable? I probably won’t achieve anything if I don’t. “I would like to get to know you better too.” There, let’s see how Leadir reacts to that. For one long moment, he simply stares at me. I guess he can’t believe I actually said that, and briefly, his masks cracks. The expression in his eyes changes, but then the icy cold wall goes up into place again. He glares at me in disdain and snorts.

 

“But I do not want to get to know you, child!”

 

I shrug and turn away from him. I tried… I will probably have to try many more times before he lets me in, but I made the first step. I walk away from him and return to Celeborn, who is getting to his feet again. “He doesn’t want to get to know me,” I tell him. “But I will survive,” I add and give him a smile.

 

“You are very strong – and wise, for your age,” says Celeborn, complimenting me. “You are exactly what Leadir needs, even though he does not realize it yet.”

 

I hope Celeborn is right… I don’t mind making a fool out of myself, but I *do* hope it serves a purpose and it’s not in vain.

 

~~~

 

We continue our journey, and this time, Celeborn doesn’t call for a halt until it’s dark.

 

“We will make camp here.” He gives Leadir a warning glance and the young Elf remains quiet. “Leadir, hunt… We need food.”

 

“We have Lembas,” Leadir counters. “There is no need to hunt.” It’s obvious that he doesn’t want to do Celeborn’s bidding.

 

“We have a guest,” Celeborn points out to Leadir. “A guest who is also our guide. The least we can do is provide food. You may eat Lembas, but we will provide a good meal for Haleth. Now go.”

 

Leadir leaves, but it’s apparent that he doesn’t want to go. After setting Fire Star free for the night, she starts to graze. I make my way over to Celeborn who is getting a fire going. It has grown cold, so I rub my arms through the fabric of my shirt. I sit down close to the fire, which is still growing in intensity and shiver.

 

“You are cold…” Celeborn reaches for his cloak and removes it. A moment later, he tucks the fabric around my shoulders. “Elves do not feel the cold, but you do… Take it,” he says when I want to protest. “I do not need it and only wear it out of tradition.”

 

“Thank you…” I accept his offer and pull it tightly around me. I move my hands toward the fire in an attempt to warm them. “We will reach Helm’s Deep the day after tomorrow if we keep up this pace.” Maybe he was wondering about that, as he hasn’t been here before.

 

“I figured as much.” Celeborn rests his back against a tree trunk and watches me. “His mask cracked… Did you catch it?”

 

Instinctively I know what Celeborn is referring to and I nod. “It will take me a long time to get through to him.”

 

“But you will not give up…” Celeborn cocks his head a little. “You will make a fine King one day.”

 

“I have no desire to be King… I’m not good enough to be King… I’m not Eómer’s son – I’m not of his blood. I don’t know why he wants me as his heir.”

 

“Maybe Eómer saw your inner light… Haleth, you will make a good King… A kind one…”

 

I shrug Celeborn’s words away. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

 

As if on cue, Leadir appears out of the darkness. Celeborn doesn’t seem surprised and his gaze seeks him out. “Two rabbits… They will do… Prepare them.”

 

Leadir sends another angry look into Celeborn’s direction, but this time, he doesn’t protest. While Leadir prepares the rabbits, Celeborn removes something from his saddle bag, which he placed on the ground next to him. I’m not sure what it is, at first, but when he puts the item to his lips, I realize it’s a flute. I blink in surprise when he starts to play the instrument. A thin, silvery melody floats through the air and captivates me. I forget about Leadir, and the trouble he is giving me, and focus on the music.

 

I don’t know for how long Celeborn played, but when he puts the instrument away, the rabbits are ready to eat. I didn’t see Leadir skin them, clean them, or prepare them over the fire. Neither did I smell the spicy fragrance they’re emitting. I shyly glance at Celeborn and whisper, “That was… magical.”

 

Even Leadir seems to agree as he nods his head. “It was…”

 

I peek at Leadir and his eyes shimmer with unshed tears. I don’t know what melody Celeborn played just now, but I suspect it had a special meaning to the young Elf. Leadir suddenly gets to his feet and walks off into the dark. “Should I go after him?”

 

Celeborn nods. “The rabbits will still be here when you get back… See if you can get through to him.”

 

I make sure Celeborn’s cloak remains in place, as it has grown colder still. It’s hard to make out Leadir’s form in the dark, but movement to my right tells me where to find him. “That melody was beautiful.” I don’t know if he will react, or how, but I have to try. I move closer to him and realize I’m looking at his back. His shoulders move and so does his head. Is he crying? “Leadir?” Carefully, fully expecting for him to remove it, I place my hand upon his shoulder. “Are you crying?”

 

Leadir doesn’t react, so it’s up to me again. I move in front of him and try to make out his facial features in the darkness. Why can’t there be a full moon when I need it? “Leadir? What was that melody about? It has a special meaning, doesn’t it?” I wish Leadir would raise his head so I could look into his eyes.

 

“They play it during funerals…To mourn and honor the dead…”

 

That explains why he is emotional about it. “It made you think of your father.” Leadir finally shrugs off my hand. I’m surprised he allowed me to touch him at all. “I saw Haldir fight… Only from a distance, but he killed a lot of those monsters…” Suddenly Leadir’s head snaps upward and the glare is back. He lifts his hand and wipes at his tears in an angry manner. 

 

“He should never have gone to Helm’s Deep!” Leadir says in a raised voice. “He knew it was a suicide mission and still he volunteered to go there – just to aid you! What are you Men to us? Nothing! He should have stayed at home – with me!”

 

Leadir is practically screaming at me, and the first time he raised his voice I flinched, but now I stand my ground. I can be angry too if I need to! “It was *his* decision, Leadir! He did what was honorable! We never stood a chance at Helm’s Deep and we knew it! We were scared before the Elves arrived, but their presence gave us hope! Aye, your father died, but before he did, he saved countless others from dying! That might not mean much to you, but it means something to me!” I have to be careful not to get carried away. I don’t want to hurt him, I just want to show him the truth. “Your father saved the lives of other fathers, grandfathers even. Thanks to Haldir, families were reunited! It probably doesn’t matter to you, as you lost your father in battle, but try to see why Haldir did it.” Leadir glares at me, but then the tears re-appear.

 

“You do not know what you are talking about! You do not know how much it hurts! You did not lose your father!” Leadir’s face is wet with tears and they continue to flow down his cheeks. “My mother sailed for Valinor when I was two years old! My father was all I had left! Orophin and Rumil sailed as well! You do not know how lonely I am!”

 

I know that, no matter what I say, he will continue to rave, but I can take it. It’s important that he allows his pain a way out. “You have Celeborn.”

 

Leadir looks like he’s about to explode with anger, but then he turns around and walks away from me. That reaction puzzles me. I remain standing there for a few moments, until a hand, settling on my shoulder, pulls me away from my musings. Turning around, I find Celeborn standing there. Compassion shines from his eyes and he nods.

 

“You did well…but you are far from finished, but you got your point across. Even Leadir will have to admit that your words were true. Even more importantly, you made him give in to his pain. Thank you for that.”

 

Celeborn’s words cause me to feel shy and I lower my gaze. “I know that he’s hurting and I just want to help.”

 

“I know that…and I feel grateful because of it.”

 

Celeborn places a finger beneath my chin and forces me to look at him that way. There’s an odd expression in his eyes – one which I can’t label.

 

“You have a special soul, Haleth. You do not know it yet, but you will touch and change many lives…and you will change them for the better. It is an honor to know you…”

 

As I can’t lower my head, I just close my eyes. I don’t know why Celeborn said those things… I’m not special… I’m just me – Haleth.

 

TBC

 

Healing

Part 9

 

“You do not need to keep watch tonight. We are safe here.”

 

Celeborn’s words are meant to reassure me, but they do not. I do not feel safe and I doubt I ever will, not after my father died. “I want to keep watch tonight.”

 

“Suit yourself,” replies Celeborn as he gets to his feet. “I will remain close, so do not worry.”

 

“Where are you going?” I did not expect him to leave tonight, but then again Celeborn has his odd moments.

 

“It is a beautiful night which should not be wasted. I will go for a walk. Keep a close eye on our guest, Leadir. He is in your care now.”

 

I want to object to that, but Celeborn has already disappeared between the trees. All I can do is release a troubled sigh: why does he always put me in such a situation? He knows that I dislike Haleth and yet, he puts him in my care. I sit down close to the fire and ensure it continues to burn. Haleth is asleep next to it, curled up, and clutching Celeborn’s cloak tightly around him.

 

I still wonder why Celeborn insisted on taking along a guide. I am certain why would have found our way there unaided. Haleth moves all of a sudden and mutters in his sleep. He starts to wrestle with the cloak and kicks it off. Why is he distressed all of a sudden? There is no danger close and he is safe.

 

“Nay… I don’t want to… There’s so much blood… death… Nay… Don’t!”

 

Suddenly, Haleth screams. His eyes open and he stares blindly ahead of him. I wonder if he is awake and inch over to him. The expression in his eyes worries me – I never saw a look like that before. Maybe that is what terror looks like.

 

“Stop it… Please stop it… I don’t want to be here… The blood… The dead…”

 

I am at a loss as what to do and wish Celeborn were here, but he is not, so it is up to me to deal with this. I do not have much experience regarding comforting others and I do not feel comfortable reaching out to Haleth, but I do not have a choice. “You are dreaming… Wake up… You are dreaming…” I never had a nightmare – I do not know what they are like, since the Firstborn do not sleep. Do they really have such power over a person when he is asleep? How can such a thing be?

 

Haleth does not react. He stretches his arms and seems to be wielding a sword in his dream. I need to wake him, but how do I do that without scaring him? “Haleth… You are having a dream… You need to wake up.” I would rather not touch him, as I do not know what reaction my touch will set off, but I might have to shake him in order to make him wake up. “Haleth, it is I, Leadir. I want you to wake up.” Haleth’s expression worries me greatly and I realize it is urgent that I wake him *now*. I put my hands on his shoulders and shake him slightly. “Haleth!”

 

The expression in the eyes changes and Haleth collapses into himself. He bows his head and trembles fiercely. I reach for Celeborn’s cloak and wrap it around him. He feels cold, but I suspect there are other reasons, besides the chill of night, why he shakes like that. “Haleth, you had a nightmare… You are safe… You do not need worry.”

 

Haleth turns his head and stares at me. The shadows, which I see in his eyes, scare me. They speak of a darkness which I never saw before. “You were dreaming.”

 

“It wasn’t just a dream… It was real…” Haleth closes his eyes and claws at Celeborn’s cloak. “It was awful… It was dark and there was so much blood…”

 

“You speak of the battle for Helm’s Deep.” Until now, I had not fully realized that Haleth had suffered injuries that night. I see the blows his soul took, and should I search his body, I would find physical ones as well. For the first time in weeks, I focus on someone else’s pain besides mine.

 

“You do not know what it was like when they stormed at us… Those monster with their bloodied weapons. They screamed… They raised their swords, those dreadful swords, and cut off one head after the other. There was blood everywhere…”

 

Haleth shakes like a leaf and I wish once more that Celeborn were here. He knows how to comfort a person – I do not. “It is over now,” I offer, feeling quite lost.

 

Haleth however shakes his head. “It isn’t, for you are taking me back there…”

 

I did not think that my desire to visit Helm’s Deep would bring pain to others. That was never my intent. Celeborn often tells me that I should think before I act, but I find that difficult. “I can take you back, if that is what you want.”

 

“Nay… I told Celeborn that I would do this and I will.”

 

Haleth moves away from me and my first reaction is to move along. I stop myself though and instead, create some distance between us. “You can go back to sleep. You are safe here. I will keep watch.”

 

“I don’t want to go back to sleep. I want to be like you – I don’t want to sleep ever again.”

 

His voice radiates sorrow and it affects me, even though I wanted to steel my heart against all emotions. Haleth hurts in a way I cannot understand. “But you cannot do that, can you? You need to sleep.”

 

Haleth shrugs. “You’re right… I need to sleep, but I can limit the time I’m asleep.”

 

That does not sound healthy to me, but I do not mention it to him. “There are still several hours until the sun will rise and the rest will do you good.” The look which Haleth gives me speaks of sudden suspicion and I feel a stab of guilt.

 

“Why are you nice to me all of a sudden? You made it quite clear that you don’t like me.”

 

I cannot blame him for being suspicious. I would feel the same way if I were in his position. “This is different.”

 

“What’s different?” Haleth looks about and narrows his eyes at me. “Because Celeborn isn’t here? That’s why you’re talking to me… If he had been here you wouldn’t have woken me. You would have let him do it.”

 

Haleth is right about that and I wonder what to say. “But he is not here and I am reaching out to you…” I want to end this conversation as quickly as possible as I do not want to start to care about Haleth. “You should go back to sleep.”

 

“Didn’t you hear me? I don’t want to go to sleep. I *can’t* go back to sleep. Not that quickly after a nightmare!”

 

I regret upsetting him, but I do not know how to handle the situation. Then I recall that Haleth enjoyed hearing Celeborn play the flute. Maybe it will settle his nerves and help him fall asleep again if he hears it? “I can play for you… It might calm you down… I can play a soothing melody, one which help you fall asleep.” Haleth’s eyes widen: it is obvious that he did not expect such an offer. I reach for Celeborn’s flute and await his answer.

 

“It might work… Maybe…” Haleth lies down again and curls up on his side. “I would like to hear you play.”

 

The way he looks at me makes me feel odd. I cannot describe the feeling though. I see trust in his eyes – trust which I do not deserve for I did not treat him kindly. I am angry with everyone and everything and he got in the middle of it. He did not deserve me lashing out at him, but I did, and I fear I might do it again should my pain get the better of me. I put the flute against my lips and start to play. It is a melody Rumil always played when I was much younger and had to say goodbye to my father because Haldir was on patrol duty.

 

While playing, I watch Haleth closely. He looks at me for some time, but then his eyes close and his body relaxes. His fingers lose their grip on Celeborn’s cloak and settle down as well. He looks at peace and I hope the nightmares will leave him alone for the rest of the night.

 

I continue to play for a few more minutes and then stop. I put the flute aside, move closer to Haleth, and tuck the cloak around him so he remains warm. I met some Men before. Haldir and his brothers sometimes took me along and we would meet traders on the road. I learned Common that way and found out about their strange habits, like sleeping. I take hold of his right hand, which has started to twitch and wonder what to do. Should I put it beneath the cloak in case he is cold? Or does he need me close?

 

“He is a mystery, is he not?”

 

I blink: I did not hear Celeborn return to the fire and feel angry with myself for not noticing him. I told Haleth that I would keep watch and now I let myself be surprised! I look up at Celeborn and glare at him.

 

“Peace, Leadir,” says Celeborn as he sits down next to me. “Your senses were trained on Haleth – you could not hear me.”

 

“My senses were not trained on Haleth. I was merely careless!” I do not want Celeborn to know that I reached out to Haleth.

 

“You do not need to be angry with me – or yourself, Leadir. Reaching out to Haleth during his nightmare was an honorable thing to do.” Celeborn uses a branch to poke the fire and make it burn brighter. “Nightmares are dreadful things. We should be grateful that we are spared them.”

 

Suddenly I realize that I am still holding Haleth’s hand in mine. It stopped twitching and has grown warm beneath my touch. I quickly move it beneath the cloak and distance myself from Haleth. “I was not reaching out to him!”

 

“Do not fight it, Leadir. You do not stand a chance. You can glare at me all you want, but it is in your nature to care, even though you forgot about that until now. Haleth brought it back. For one moment, you set aside your anger and you reached out to him.”

 

I hate Celeborn for bringing this up. “I merely assured him that he was safe.”

 

“You did more than that… You played the flute for him… You set his troubled mind to rest – for now.”

 

Celeborn cocks his head and his eyes darken. I have seen it happen before and know he is about to speak again.

 

“Aye, his mind is troubled – in more ways than yours. You lost your father and we all mourn the loss, but Haleth lost so much more.”

 

I want to interrupt him and berate him. How can anyone suffer a greater loss than losing his father? But Celeborn starts to talk again and gives me no opening.

 

“Leadir… Haleth lost his father too. It happened when they fled to Helm’s Deep. A group of Warg Riders attacked them and Hama was killed in that assault.”

 

My head snaps upwards and I stare at Celeborn in disbelief. “What did you say?”

 

“The Wargs tore Hama into pieces. I do not know if Haleth saw what happened. He carefully shielded that information from me, but he was there when it happened.”

 

I blink again. Haleth lost his father too? “But he did not mention any of this to me!”

 

“Leadir, your pain consumes you. Haleth does not want to burden you with his sorrow so he keeps quiet. He knows what it feels like to lose his father… He experienced it, just like you.”

 

I close my eyes, recalling the harsh words I had spoken to him. I had told him that he did not know what I felt like – that he could not possible know what it was like to lose his father and now I find out that the same thing happened to him. I look at Haleth and see him with different eyes. “Why is he not angry then?”

 

“Because he found a way to deal with his pain, Leadir. He allowed love into his life again. He found love in the arms of his new parents. Legolas and Eómer’s love saved him. Aye, he still mourns his father’s death but he knows he needs to move on.”

 

I feel lost and look to Celeborn for answers. “I do not understand.”

 

“You will – in time, when you are ready. Now, play the flute again. The nightmares are about to enter Haleth’s mind again and the sound of the flute will keep them away.”

 

He hands me his flute and I accept it. While putting it against my lips, my gaze returns to Haleth. It is true – his sleep is restless again. I play a comforting melody and hope it will chase away those nightmares.

 

~~~

 

“What are you doing?” I have been watching Celeborn for the last fifteen minutes now. The elder Elf will never cease to amaze me. I did not know he had packed a small kettle and I also wonder where the milk has come from.

 

“Making breakfast. It will be a cold day and Haleth needs hot food to sustain him. Remember, he is a Man and susceptible to the cold weather.”

 

My gaze momentarily shifts from Celeborn to Haleth, who is still asleep. He shivers beneath the cloak, and this time, I am certain it is because of the chilly weather. Mist clings to the earth and looking at the clouds tells me that it will rain later. “Where does that milk come from?” I ask, as I return my attention to Celeborn.

 

“You do not need to know everything,” replies Celeborn with a smile. “You act different this morning. You are less…grumpy.”

 

Grumpy? Did he really say that? I arch an eyebrow at him and give a deadly glare. “I am never grumpy!”

 

“Oh, believe me when I say that you acted grumpy these last few weeks. Something changed though – maybe you realized that you are not the only one in pain? Learning that Haleth’s father died might have changed matters.”

 

That’s one character trait of Celeborn, which I greatly dislike – he always confronts me directly. The problem with that is, that I seldom know how to reply. Most of the time I do not want to talk about the things that occupy me. Past experiences though, taught me that he will not leave me alone until he receives an answer that will satisfy his curiosity and so I give him one. “You might be right… I may have treated Haleth incorrectly.”

 

Celeborn nods approvingly. “Thank you for admitting that. That cannot have been easy for you.”

 

I look away and focus on Haleth instead. As far as I am concerned it is time we wake him up. He should eat whatever it is that Celeborn has cooked and then we should continue our journey. “Haleth, wake up… Breakfast is ready.” I ignore the look Celeborn gives me. I do not need to see him to know Celeborn monitors my every move. Haleth’s eyes open and the shivers grow more pronounced.

 

“It’s cold…” Haleth mutters as he sits up. “Winter is coming faster than I thought.”

 

“Here, eat this… It will warm you up from the inside.” Celeborn puts a white, soggy mass into a bowl and hands it to Haleth.

 

Haleth looks at Celeborn in surprise. “You made porridge?”

 

Ah, it is porridge then. I do not care for the foul food and dismiss Celeborn’s offer when he wants to hand me another bowl. I tried it once when we were visiting some traders and vividly remember the vile taste. “Nay, not for me.”

 

“You are missing out on quite the experience,” says Celeborn as he scoops some onto his spoon. “I added a special ingredient, you see.”

 

Haleth releases a pleased sound and speeds up eating it.

 

“What special ingredient?” I hate it when Celeborn succeeds in making me curious – he always drives me mad by doing that.

 

“It is called sugar… Haleth likes it, do you not?” Celeborn looks expectedly at Haleth and the young man nods.

 

“It tastes much better than at home!” Haleth pulls Celeborn’s cloak into place again as it slipped while he sat up. “It’s sweet and it’s hot… It’s perfect.”

 

I feel like pulling my hair. These two drive me insane! Now I want to know what it tastes like!

 

“Are you sure you do not want any, Leadir?” asks Celeborn cheekily.

 

“Maybe a little bit.” I hate myself for giving in, but I *am* curious!

 

Celeborn puts some porridge into a third bowl and hands it to me. I try it and realize the taste is quite different from what I remember. Haleth is right: it*is* sweet and it leaves a warm taste in my mouth.

 

“See, it’s good!” Haleth smiles at me and empties his bowl. “That was a great start of the morning.”

 

“You are still cold though… Your clothes do not keep you warm… Keep my cloak… It will help keep you warm.”

 

Celeborn sounds concerned and his words remind me of the fact that Men are more fragile than Firstborn. Elves are practically immortal and Men’s life span is very limited indeed. “You can have mine as well.” I do not want to be responsible for him growing ill during our journey.

 

“Thank you, but I think Celeborn’s cloak will do. You need yours.”

 

I have always been able to detect a lie when I hear it and shake my head. “You will take it.” Haleth’s expression is difficult to read, but I believe I see gratitude and approval in his eyes. I remove my cloak and drape it around his shoulders. Celeborn offers Haleth the last of the porridge and he accepts. I leave Haleth to his breakfast and round up our horses. After saddling them, I return to our camp to find that Celeborn has extinguished the fire. Both Celeborn and Haleth are ready to leave and we mount our horses. Haleth pulls the cloaks tightly around him and eyes the skies suspiciously. He probably realizes as well that it will start to rain shortly.

 

“This way,” Haleth says as he leads Fire Star into the desired direction.

 

Celeborn inclines his head toward me and I steer my horse away from the camp and toward Haleth’s.

 

~~~

 

We have been on the road for two hours when the rain starts. At first, it is just a mild drizzle and nothing that will inconvenience Haleth, but then, without any warning, the heavens open and it pours down on us. In the distance I see lightning and I pick up on a remote roar of thunder as well. Celeborn and I could continue without problems, but I worry about Haleth. He has grown pale and the shivers are back. “Maybe we should seek shelter – for Haleth’s sake,” I point out to Celeborn.

 

“We don’t need to stop on my account,” says Haleth as he looks at me from over his shoulder. “It’s just rain.”

 

Celeborn however exchanges a conspiring look with me and I know he agrees. We need to get Haleth out of the storm. “We passed by a cave a few minutes ago. We will seek shelter there.”

 

It is odd: only yesterday I would have protested that decision. I would have pushed Haleth on, forcing him to make his way through the storm, but not anymore. Instead, I worry about his health and safety. Celeborn must have picked up on that thought as he smiles at me. I know that he does not do it on purpose, reading my mind – it simply happens. “Let us find that cave then.”

 

Our decision seems to frustrate Haleth, but then he turns the mare around and follows us. Celeborn finds his way back to the cave, dismounts, and gestures for us to wait.

 

“I want to make sure it is safe for us to enter.”

 

Celeborn disappears into the cave, leaving me alone with Haleth. The rain grows stronger and Haleth gives off a miserable impression. The rain drips from his hair, soaks his clothes, and he has grown even paler.

 

“It is safe!” Celeborn calls out and he gestures for us to join him in the cave.

 

I dismount first and wait for Haleth to do the same. “You go first,” I tell him and gesture at the cave. I want to keep an eye on him. Haleth complies and guides his mare into the cave. Celeborn is already busy building a fire and calls out to Haleth, telling the young man to join him. I take care of our horses and then join them as well. My clothes are soaked too and I start to remove them so they can dry.

 

I notice Haleth’s eyes upon me and wonder what is wrong. Haleth quickly averts his gaze, but I can tell that he feels uneasy. I seek out Celeborn’s eyes and arch an eyebrow questioningly. Celeborn however merely smiles back at me – that is not at all helpful.

 

“You should undress too, Haleth… Put your clothes next to Leadir’s so they can dry.”

 

“I would rather keep them on.”

 

“I advise against that,” continues Celeborn. “You will catch a cold if you do. Now remove them.”

 

Haleth appears cornered and he wavers to carry out Celeborn’s order, but in the end, he complies. Once he is naked, he keeps his gaze trained on the ground. Again, I wonder what is wrong and look to Celeborn for answers. Celeborn however is busy emptying the content of his saddle bags.

 

“I had forgotten about this! How careless of me!” Celeborn shakes his head and gestures for Haleth to sit down near to the fire. “Huddle together, the two of you… Sit down and move closer, Haleth!”

 

Celeborn found a blanket, and although I do not know his plans, I move closer to Haleth, who finally sits down too. I am comfortable – the cold does not bother me, but it affects Haleth, whose shivers grow more pronounced.

 

Celeborn unfolds the blanket and drapes it across Haleth’s shoulders. “Leadir… closer…” I shift closer and Celeborn wraps the blanket around the two of us. Haleth feels cold and I finally realize Celeborn’s intention – he wants me to help warm up Haleth by us sharing our body heat.

 

Haleth seems reluctant to do so and I understand why – after all, I am basically a stranger. “Let me help… You are shaking yourself to pieces.” I gather his hands in mine and rub the fingers until they warm up again. Haleth’s eyes search mine and I surprise myself by smiling at him. Now that I am no longer hiding behind my indifference, I realize I like Haleth. We have a lot in common and by alleviating his pain, I do the same for mine.

 

“You are nicer than I thought,” Haleth whispers, and his comment makes Celeborn chuckle. I glare at my mentor, but Celeborn shrugs it off. “I’m sorry we got stuck here… I know you want to get to Helm’s Deep as quickly as possible,” Haleth apologizes.

 

That used to be the case until last night, aye. Celeborn was right when he said that something happened—that something changed. I do not know how it happened, but my senses are trained on Haleth and this mad obsession to make Haleth and everyone else pay for Haldir’s death, seems gone.

 

“We hid in the caves beneath the keep when Saruman’s army appeared…” Haleth’s voice takes on a distant tone. “Women, children, and the old people… We were supposed to stay in the caves until the battle was over, but then Théoden called us to arms… All men, regardless their age, were to defend the keep…”

 

Haleth’s head settles on my shoulder, and for one moment, I want to pull away, but then I allow him to rest his head there.

 

“I had just lost my father and most people wouldn’t care if they lived or died in those circumstances, but I wanted to live…”

 

The pain and sorrow in Haleth’s voice reaches my heart and I feel for the young man. I am beginning to understand the terror he went through that night.

 

“I reckon I was lucky that they merely wounded me… I was even luckier that soldiers found me and decided to take me the healers instead of quickly ending my life. I don’t know how long I was out there – dead Rohirrim, Elves, and even Uruk-hai surrounded me and all I could think about was survival. I didn’t want to die that way.”

 

I close my eyes and finally understand the folly of traveling to Helm’s Deep. It worsens Haleth’s pain and it does nothing to diminish mine. My pain resides in my heart and it matters little if my heart dwells in the Golden Wood, Rohan, or Helm’s Deep. I take it with me wherever I go. This revelation stuns me. What am I doing here? Why am I dragging Haleth to Helm’s Deep with me? I should never have allowed Celeborn to take Haleth with us.

 

“You’re trembling…”

 

Haleth’s words, and the fact that it is now him rubbing *my* fingers, pull me away from my thoughts. I turn my head toward him and search his eyes. I clearly see the pain in them, but there is something else as well – compassion. Regardless of all the things which Haleth went through, he worries about me and I feel like a spoiled child, raging, and demanding everyone does as I please. I threw a tantrum at Celeborn until he agreed to accompany me to Helm’s Deep… I dragged him into this as well, although I realize that Celeborn allowed himself to be dragged along. He would not have given in to me if he had believed this journey truly folly.

 

So where does this leave me? Sitting in a cave, confronting myself and not liking the things I see at the bottom of my soul. “I am fine,” I tell Haleth when he gives me a worried look. “I was merely thinking about Helm’s Deep.” Haleth shivers when I say the name and I move toward him. I pull the blanket closer around us and return to rubbing his fingers. They are no longer cold, but tremble nonetheless.

 

“We do not have to go Helm’s Deep… We can turn back.” I realize it is the truth the moment I say it. My father is dead, but his love will always stay in my heart. Like I carry my pain with me wherever I go, his love for me and my love for him, accompanies me as well. Why didn’t I realize that sooner?

 

Haleth shakes his head though. “Nay, you wanted to go there, so we will.”

 

Celeborn moves closer to the fire and manages to catch my gaze. He looks thoughtful and I reckon he knows about my new insights. “Haleth is right, Leadir. We need to go to Helm’s Deep. Not for your sake, as you thought, but for his. Ever since that night, Haleth has suffered from nightmares… We need to put them to rest.”

 

Shifting my gaze from Celeborn to Haleth, I see that he has dozed off. He is asleep again and his breath softly moves along my skin each time he exhales. “That is the reason why you wanted him to join us.”

 

Celeborn nods. “I counted on him to show you the wrongs of your decisions. You do not need to go to Helm’s Deep to honor your father’s death. Haldir was a respectable warrior and he did what he had to do. He went to Helm’s Deep knowing he might not survive. His worst regret was leaving you behind and being unable to see you grow up and become a warrior he could have been proud of, but Leadir… Your father’s soul went to the Halls of Waiting and he will wait for you until it is time for you to join him there. Honor his death by being the best you can.”

 

Had Celeborn told me this yesterday his words would have enraged me, but I see the wisdom to them now. My heart has not been healed over night, but the healing process has begun and maybe I can help Haleth heal as well.

 

TBC

 

Storm

Part 10

 

My guilty conscience gnaws at me while I watch Haleth sleep. We have been in the cave for two hours now, and although the rain stopped some time ago, I decided against waking Haleth.

 

I lowered him onto the earth before I got up to get dressed. After tucking the blanket into place around him, I sat down close to Haleth to watch him in his sleep. Celeborn disappeared again, but I am confident that he will return the moment I need him.

 

Haleth gave me a lot to think about and so did Celeborn. All along, I had assumed that we were undertaking this journey for my sake and now it turns out we are doing this for Haleth. Did Celeborn know we would find Haleth along the way? Is Haleth the reason Celeborn agreed to travel to Helm’s Deep?

 

“We could be on the road by now,” Celeborn whispers as he settles down next me. “Should you not wake him?”

 

It vexes me that I did not hear him approach. I do not like it that he can sneak up on me like that. “I am no longer in a hurry to go to Helm’s Deep. We can take our time doing so and Haleth did not get much sleep last night.”

 

“I am proud of you, Leadir. I had hoped you would regain your senses and realize that the path you had taken led nowhere. You have set foot on a whole new path now and it will lead you to happiness.”

 

Another thing I dislike about Celeborn is that he loves to talk in riddles. “Happiness?”

 

“I am not saying more… You will find out in time. Now tell me, do you want to spend the night here? If not, we should leave and find suitable shelter down the road.”

 

“We stay… The fire warmed up the cave and Haleth…” Aye, what about Haleth? According to the standards of his race, he is a child, like I am according to my people. And yet, I sense an old soul in him.

 

“In that case, I will hunt now. I am fed up with eating Lembas and I need something more substantial.” Celeborn rises from the earth and moves toward the exit of the cave. “Keep a close eye on Haleth, Leadir… Though I believe you would do so out of your own accord.” The next moment, Celeborn is gone.

 

I check the state of Haleth’s clothes and am pleased to find they are dry. Looking more closely at them, I am not surprised that they do not keep him warm. The material is thin and has known better days. I have a spare outfit with me and those clothes should fit Haleth. They should also keep him warm.

 

I keep an eye on him while I gather the clothes from my saddle bag. So far, the nightmares have left him alone and I hope it stays that way. To my dismay, Haleth starts to wake up. I had preferred for him to sleep longer.

 

Haleth sleepily rubs at his eyes and looks about. He seems disorientated and frowns. “What happened?”

 

“We took shelter from a storm,” I remind him as I return to my place at the fire. “Celeborn left as he wants to hunt.”

 

“Shouldn’t we leave? You must be impatient to get to Helm’s Deep.” Haleth clutches the blanket as he sits up.

 

I tell him the same thing I told Celeborn. “I am no longer in a hurry to go there.”

 

Haleth nods absentmindedly; he seems preoccupied. “Where are my clothes?” he asks eventually.

 

“Still drying,” I lie. “Use these instead.”

 

“I have spare clothes in my bag,” Haleth says. “I will use those.”

 

“Offer those as little protection against the cold as your other ones?”

 

“They have seen better times, aye, but I’m happy to have them. It’s not easy to come by clothes these days.”

 

Haleth is hesitant to accept my offering, so in the end, I simply place the clothes in his arms. “These will keep you warm.” Haleth averts his gaze and a blush forms on his face.

 

“Thank you…”

 

Haleth then disappears into the back of the cave. At first, I do not understand why, but then I realize that he feels shy in my presence and wants to get dressed in private. That is most odd… Elves do not feel bashful about their body and view it as a beautiful gift. I wonder if things are different for Men.

 

“The material feels odd…” says Haleth as he returns to the fire. He frowns and pulls at his shirt.

 

“It is Elven made,” I reply and smile at him. “You will grow used to it.” Haleth looks at the flames and suddenly silence descends onto us. It is strange: I do not find it uncomfortable and Haleth does not seem tense either. “Do you still want to go to Helm’s Deep?” Haleth looks up and his eyes meet mine. They are still haunted.

 

“I don’t *want* to go there… But Celeborn thinks I must and that it will do me good. I will go there if it rids me of my nightmares.”

 

I regret disrupting the peaceful quiet we shared only a moment ago. Now the air is tense and Haleth bites down on his bottom lip. “We will leave in the morning… We will spend the night here.”

 

“Leadir? Thank you for…” Haleth bites so hard on his bottom lip that it begins to bleed.

 

“I am sorry for being rude when we first met… I was not thinking rationally – my grief consumed me.” I *do* owe him an apology and maybe even an explanation. “I wanted to avenge my father’s death and did not care who I hurt in the process. I realized though that I should honor my father’s memory instead. He would want me to carry on and be the best I can. He would want to be proud of me.” The smile Haleth gives me makes me feel warm on the inside. The expression in his eyes is radiant and I avert my gaze as I do not know how to react to it.

 

“Your father is proud of you, Leadir… He is.”

 

Haleth’s words cause a lump of emotions to form in my throat and I quickly swallow in order to rid myself of them. I do not want to burst out in tears in front of Haleth.

 

“Leadir? It is normal to hurt… It is normal to cry… You do not need to keep it inside… I cried for many hours after my father died. I cried alone as there was no one who could comfort me. Everyone was panicking or getting ready for battle.”

 

I draw in a deep breath and raise my gaze so I can look at Haleth. His eyes swim with tears too. By the Grace of the Valar, if he sheds tears, so will I, because I will not be able to hold them back. Unexpectedly Haleth’s arms come up behind my back and he pulls me close against him. I did not expect the contact and my first reaction is to break away from the embrace, but for some reason I do not and lean into the hug instead.

 

Salty tears drip from Haleth’s cheek onto my face. The teardrop settles on my lip and I taste it – taste his pain. Now that Haleth is crying, I cannot stop my tears either. I cry with him and we hold each other close – comforting one another.

 

I do not know how much time has passed by when we pull apart again and I do not care. Haleth’s eyes are red from crying and mine still swim with tears too. This is the first time I cried since my father died. I do not know what to say and am grateful that Haleth respects the silence between us. He merely smiles at me through the remnants of his tears and rubs large circles on my back.

 

I settle down after a while and manage to return his smile. “I did not know how much I needed to cry.”

 

“Now you do…and you did – you cried. It won’t be the last time, but the pain will become more bearable.”

 

Haleth releases me from his hold and moves away again. He seems shy and continues to stare into the fire. The silence between us feels uncomfortable and I wonder how to do away with it. The solution comes in the form of Celeborn, who appears at the entrance. He carries a bag, which I have not seen before.

 

“I met traders down the road… I bought a few things…”

 

I roll my eyes – it is so typical for Celeborn to find anything he needs in the middle of nowhere. It is like fortune follows him around, always making sure he is fine. “What did you buy?”

 

“Fruits, bread, and cheese… That should make a good meal tonight.” Celeborn sits down and unpacks the items from his bag. “It is a good thing that I decided against buying news clothes for you, Haleth. It appears you acquired a new wardrobe on your own.”

 

“Leadir gave it to me… He didn’t take a no for an answer,” Haleth explains and his reply brings a smile to my face. “The material is odd, but he’s right… I do feel warmer.”

 

“Good!” announces Celeborn, sounding rather pleased.

 

Celeborn divides our meal into three portions and hands us our share. I do not mind Haleth’s portion being double our size as he needs it more than we do.

 

“That’s hardly fair,” Haleth protests at seeing the unequal shares. “I’m getting more than the two of you.”

 

“We are not as skinny as you are,” counters Celeborn. “You will eat and stop complaining.”

 

I bite down a chuckle at seeing Haleth’s nervous expression. He didn’t expect Celeborn to be that direct.

 

“I even have dessert, but first you will empty your bowls, both of you,” continues Celeborn. “And after that, I will make tea.”

 

Celeborn is a riddle to me. He is different from the other Elves in the Golden Wood. Sometimes I wonder if he spent too much time with Men in the past. Estel definitely was a bad influence on him and Mithrandir was even worse. He convinced Celeborn to smoke that dreadful pipe with him and Celeborn enjoyed doing so.

 

“Do not give me that look and eat.”

 

Feeling caught, I comply and eat the food Celeborn supplied. I prefer the meat I provided yesterday though. “I will take care of dinner tomorrow…”

 

“Aye, let us see if you can do better!”

 

Haleth remains quiet during our little argument. He is busy eating, but not too busy that he couldn’t get involved. He prefers to stay out of our bantering though. Celeborn suddenly turns his head toward the entrance and cocks his head. “What is it?”

 

“There is another storm brewing. I noticed it on my way back and this one will be worse than the first. You were wise to choose to spend the night here, Leadir.”

 

I made the right decision because I wanted Haleth to catch up on his sleep. It almost feels like I am being rewarded for caring for him.

 

~~~

 

While the storm rages, we are safe and sheltered in the cave. From where I sit, I have a clear view of the entrance and bolts of lightning flash more often now. The storm hangs above the cave and the rain pours down endlessly.

 

“It was like this that night…”

 

Haleth’s soft voice cuts through the cave and I move toward him. I thought he had gone back to sleep, but I was wrong. “At Helm’s Deep?” I am not sure I should go along with this – maybe it is best to stop the memories right there, but Celeborn nods, and shows me that he wants me to continue.

 

“It happened when Saruman’s army arrived at the keep… The heavens opened and it poured down on us… The rain made everything worse…”

 

Haleth sits a few feet away from me and I inch closer to him so I can see his face. “You will never forget that night.”

 

Haleth nods. “You’re right… I will never be able to forget it and I shouldn’t, for a lot of people died that night.”

 

It would be easy for me to direct the conversation to Haldir and the loss I suffered, but I do not wish to do that. I want to focus on Haleth. “But you survived.”

 

Haleth nods, but slowly this time. “I wanted to survive, I told you that, but sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve to be alive. Better men than me died that night. Maybe it would have been better if the gods had taken my life instead of theirs.”

 

To my right, Celeborn sucks in his breath and I agree – I feel shocked as well. Is this the reason why the nightmares haunt Haleth? Is it because he feels guilty for being alive? The thought is too absurd to take serious, but then again, he is a Man and they do not think rationally most of the time. I search for the right words to comfort Haleth, but do not find them as I feel too bewildered. Celeborn however does.

 

“Haleth, the decision who lives and who dies is not ours to make. The Valar decided that you were to live and that is why you survived Helm’s Deep.”

 

Celeborn sits down next to Haleth and he takes the young man’s hands in his. I am grateful that he is acting and is able to find the right words.

 

“You should not feel guilty for surviving Helm’s Deep. You did not have a say in the matter. The Valar let you live because you have a destiny. You have a destiny ahead of you – a purpose that needs to be fulfilled.” Celeborn caresses Haleth’s face and tucks a strand of hair behind the young man’s ear. “I will tell you a secret…”

 

Now I grow curious as well. What secret might that be? Celeborn keeps many of them. He caught Haleth’s attention however and the young man raises his head to look at him.

 

“Sometimes, the Valar grant me a look into the future. I do not possess the gift of foresight the way my wife does, but aye, I see glimpses and most of the time it is enough.”

 

I already suspected that so I do not feel surprised, but Haleth looks at Celeborn in awe.

 

“I saw you too – in my vision of the future.”

 

Celeborn’s voice barely reaches above a whisper and I have to strain my sense of hearing in order to catch his words. I have the suspicion he does not want me to hear as he is whispering into Haleth’s ear.

 

“Haleth, you survived for a reason. You *will* rule Rohan one day… You will bring happiness and fortune to your people. You have a destiny to fulfill…and there is more, but you will find out about that when you reach your majority.”

 

“My majority?” Haleth blinks in surprise.

 

“Once you are an adult... You will find out in a few years… And trust me, there will be joy when you do. Your days of misery are over.”

 

Disbelief colors Haleth’s eyes, but he does not speak up and I understand why. Celeborn can be convincing if he wants to.

 

“The Valar blessed you, Haleth. You might not believe me, or fully understand what I am telling you, but know this… You are destined to do much good.”

 

“If you say so…” Haleth mutters nervously.

 

Celeborn suddenly directs his gaze toward me. I do not like the expression in his eyes though – he knows something and he is not telling us what it is. I have the feeling that it also involves me and I begin to feel nervous.

 

“You have a destiny too, Leadir…” Celeborn chuckles, gets to his feet, and settles down in his former spot. “Mithrandir would love hearing me talk in riddles… I learned from the best,” says Celeborn in an amused voice.

 

I am not sure what to make of Celeborn’s foretelling and decide to ignore him. Celeborn loves being cryptic, and aye, he has that in common with Mithrandir. As Haleth seems upset, I move even closer to him and offer him a smile. Haleth looks up, returns the smile, and moistens his lips as if he wants to say something. He remains quiet though. For some reason I feel the urge to comfort him, and recalling Celeborn took Haleth’s hands in his, I claim his right hand and curl my fingers around it. Haleth allows it and his smile grows more genuine.

 

“Good… Very good,” mutters Celeborn under his breath. “And now, children, curl up for the night. We will leave early in the morning – it will not rain tomorrow and I want to reach Helm’s Deep in the evening.”

 

I resent being called a child, but compared to Celeborn, everyone is a child… That reminds me, I still do not know how old he is – not exactly. He is always very secretive about that. I frown, only now fully realizing what he said. I do not need to sleep so why should I curl up for the night? Celeborn intercepts my gaze and inclines his head in Haleth’s direction. Ah, that is why. Good, I will indulge him.

 

“I’m not tired yet,” Haleth says in a tiny voice.

 

“You can still curl up,” Celeborn points out to him. “There is not much else to do.”

 

He *is* right about that. I have to hand it to Celeborn – he knows how make someone comply. “I will keep you company,” I tell Haleth, who gives me an odd look. “The earth is cold and you will grow chilly again. It does not matter to me whether I sit at the fire or help you stay warm using my body warmth.”

 

Haleth however grows flustered: I do not understand this strange sense of modesty. It is only logical that I would help him stay warm as he feels the cold and I do not. I lie down close to the fire and extend my arm toward him. “I do not bite – not anymore. You tamed me.” Haleth remains hesitant though and I wish I understood why he does not want to get close to me. I present no danger to him – I merely want to help. “Haleth…please,” I say eventually, hoping it will make him accept my offer.

 

Haleth sighs, and although reluctantly, lies down in front of me. I move closer to him and wrap an arm around him. Celeborn covers us with the blanket and then returns to the fire to search for his flute. Even in spite of the warmer clothes he wears Haleth’s skin feels cold to the touch.

 

“This feels strange…” Haleth looks at me from over his shoulder. “I like you much better this way, Leadir. You were so angry when we met.”

 

Haleth is right – most of the anger is gone. It might return when we arrive at Helm’s Deep, but right now, I feel at peace. “Remember what Celeborn said – you should rest.” Haleth settles down and rests his head against my arm, using it as a pillow.

 

“I would love for the nightmares to leave me alone tonight. I only want one night of undisturbed sleep.”

 

“Maybe you will get it,” says Celeborn and places the flute at his lips.

 

“Close your eyes,” I whisper into Haleth’s right ear. “Close your eyes and let go of your worries…” I do not know if Haleth complies as I cannot see his face, so I focus on his breathing instead. “You are safe here… No nightmares will disturb your sleep tonight… We will keep you safe…”

 

As my hand rests against his abdomen, it moves each time Haleth draws in air and releases it again. His breathing slows down after a few minutes and he presses back against me. “Sleep, Haleth… Sleep and dream of home.”

 

Celeborn continues to play a little longer, but then he stops and rests the flute on his knee. “He is asleep,” says Celeborn in a pleased voice.

 

I am relieved to hear that. “He still feels cold to the touch.” I whisper as I do not want to wake him again. “Men are strange beings.”

 

“They have a wonderful mind though… and this one has a beautiful soul to go with it.”

 

I have the feeling Celeborn is trying to tell me something in that cryptic way of his. “Do you really want to go to Helm’s Deep? We can still turn around.”

 

“His nightmares will lessen and hopefully go away once he faces his fears,” says Celeborn. “Leadir, you play a part in this too. Now that you have regained your strength and allow yourself to care for others again, you opened a door that would have remained closed otherwise.”

 

“Stop talking in riddles. You always do that. It is annoying when Mithrandir does it, but…”

 

“Leadir, allow me to tease you a bit.”

 

I draw in a deep breath and tell myself to remain calm. “I love you, Celeborn, but you have the most annoying habits.”

 

“I love you too, child. You are precious to me and I am happy that you are back to your charming self again. At times like this, Haldir’s legacy shines brightly in you.”

 

Celeborn’s words should sadden me, but they do not. Aye, I am my father’s son. I can be annoying and even arrogant, but I also inherited my father’s good character traits. I can be charming, caring and passionate too. “Why did you maneuver me into this position?” Maybe it is time to address his scheming. I did not do that before so Celeborn might believe he got away with it.

 

“Do you mean letting you think that we were undertaking this journey for your sake? Or are you referring to holding Haleth in your arms?” Celeborn cocks his head and gives me a wicked grin.

 

“Both!” I regret being unable to move about much as I do not want to wake up Haleth. “You orchestrated this.”

 

“I plead guilty,” replies Celeborn. “But it is for a good cause, Leadir. In time, you will understand.”

 

I am about to demand a better explanation when Celeborn starts playing the flute again. That means he will not discuss the matter further. I do not want to accept that, but I have to – unfortunately. Instead I focus on Haleth and make sure he is warm and comfortable.

 

TBC

 

Helm’s Deep

Part 11

 

I don’t know what to make of Leadir’s behavior. It has greatly changed during the last few days. When we first met, he disliked me and now he worries about me. I don’t understand the change.

 

“How much longer before we reach Helm’s Deep?” asks Celeborn.

 

“Two hours, maybe three if we stop to rest.” I look at Leadir from over my shoulder and marvel at the peaceful expression on his face. He doesn’t seem angry anymore.

 

“Are you cold? If you are, you can have my cloak back,” offers Celeborn.

 

“I’m fine.” Leadir’s clothes keep me warm. I don’t know how the material differs from the ones we use in Rohan, but it keeps me warm. Leadir giving me his spare outfit like that surprised me – it still does.

 

“It is a wonderful day,” says Celeborn in a happy voice. “Really lovely.”

 

He is right – the sun shines, there is a blue sky, and a few remaining birds sing their sparkling songs. It’s hard to imagine that the ruins of Helm’s Deep will shortly appear in front of us.

 

“Haleth, after we are done here, you should visit the Golden Wood. You will like it there.”

 

Celeborn’s remark takes me by surprise. I turn around in the saddle and shake my head. “I can’t. I promised Eómer and Legolas to go back home once this is over.”

 

“We will see about that,” hints Celeborn mysteriously.

 

Leadir steers his horse next to mine and shrugs. “Do not pay him any attention. Celeborn gets like that when he is bored.”

 

I peek at Celeborn: he heard Leadir’s remark but ignores it and continues to smile. “Gets like what?”

 

“He loves to speak in riddles,” clarifies Leadir. “He knows it drives me mad and that is why he loves doing it.”

 

I find it hard to get used to Leadir being so mellow. I still expect him to lash out and humiliate me. I’m not sure if I should bring up the sudden change in attitude and glance at Leadir. He smiles and his eyes shine with life. This is a different Elf from the one I met in Rohan.

 

“We will stop for a while,” announces Celeborn, surprising both Leadir and me. “You did not train yesterday and I would be amiss if I did not catch up on your training.” Celeborn dismounts and removes the staffs from where he secured them to his saddle bags. “I trust you feel rested enough to train?”

 

I steer Fire Star toward Celeborn’s horse and dismount as well. “I feel fine.” Last night’s undisturbed sleep did me a lot of good. “We can train.” Leadir, who dismounted as well, sits cross-legged at a distance and watches us. It is a pity that we didn’t bring a third staff along.

 

I am a bit surprised that Celeborn wants to train right now, but I’m not going to question him about it. He assumes the basic position and so do I. I never thought I would love learning to fight, but this feels like dancing and it has a magical quality to it. These moves are becoming second nature to me and I don’t have any problems carrying them out.

 

“You did well,” says Celeborn, complimenting me. “We will add new sequences tomorrow.” He takes my staff and puts it alongside his against the trunk of a tree. “Leadir, do you want to train too?”

 

Leadir shakes his head. “I prefer to watch you… I do not think the staff suits me.”

 

I blink in surprise. It’s not the answer itself that surprises me, but the mellowness in Leadir’s voice. Celeborn looks pleased for some reason and I shift my glance from the older Elf to Leadir. He mystifies me.

 

“Let us continue our journey. I do not wish to camp in the open tonight,” announces Celeborn. He smiles at me, tucks away the staffs, and mounts his stallion. Leadir and I follow his example and soon we are the road again. I still wonder though why Celeborn wanted to train just now.

 

~~~

 

I can make out Helm’s Deep in the distance and my body’s already reacting to its presence. I feel cold again, my hands tremble, and I feel dizzy. Suddenly I wonder if coming back was the right thing to do. Maybe I should have listened to Eómer and I should have stayed at home. Leadir’s horse unexpectedly comes to a halt and I stop mine as well. I look at Leadir and wonder about the expression on his face. “What’s amiss?”

 

“Is that Helm’s Deep?” Leadir points at the ravaged stronghold.

 

I nod. “That’s it…” What is wrong with him? He knows about the battle that raged here so he should have expected to find the keep ruined.

 

Leadir cocks his head, his eyes narrow, and he sucks in his breath. “There is hardly anything left of it!”

 

“Saruman’s army managed to blow up part of the keep… The rest they tore down with their bare hands.” Cold sweat forms on my brow and I have to fight down the nausea that rises from my stomach. I smell the tangy scent of blood again and screams echo in my ears. I shake my head, trying to rid myself of the memories. I don’t want them to affect me like this – but they do.

 

“Haleth, I did not know…” Leadir doesn’t finish his sentence. He stares at me in shock. “I did not know the extent of the damage.”

 

I shrug. “You weren’t there – you couldn’t know.” Every cell in my body fights getting closer to keep, but the distance between Celeborn and us is increasing and I urge Fire Star into motion again. Leadir steers his horse toward mine and continues to stare at the ravaged keep.

 

“What is that black smoke rising from within the walls?” asks Leadir.

 

Celeborn looks at me from over his shoulder. I choke up, realizing only too well what’s happening. “They’re still burning the dead…” Leadir gives me a horrified look as if he can’t believe what I just told him. “There were thousands of corpses,” I explain in a trembling voice. “You can’t get rid of them in just a few days.” Leadir has grown remarkably pale and even Celeborn seems unbalanced.

 

I’m not sure I want to go there – venture into the keep and see those rotting bodies. I’m not strong enough to deal with that. “I can’t do this…” I slide from Fire Star’s back and sit down on the grass. I feel like throwing up. Suddenly Leadir is beside me and he sits down next to me. Looking into his eyes, I see concern. “I can’t do this… I can’t go back there… I can’t face death again…”

 

“We have time,” says Celeborn who dismounted as well. He sits on his heels in front of me and gives me a look filled with compassion. “We will camp here for the night. Maybe you can face your fears tomorrow.”

 

I don’t think anything will be different tomorrow, but I still nod. All that matters is that I don’t have to go there right now. All of a sudden, Leadir wraps an arm around my shoulder and I stare at him in something akin to shock.

 

Leadir smiles and nods. “We will camp out here until you feel up to facing your past.”

 

His words stun me: is this really the same Elf who marched into the Golden Hall?

 

“I will build a fire,” announces Celeborn. “And then, I will hunt, though I suspect most wildlife fled these barren surroundings. If my hunt is unsuccessful, I will make porridge. You need something warm, Haleth.”

 

I merely nod at Celeborn. I won’t stop him. Celeborn walks away and that leaves me alone with Leadir. He’s awfully close and I’m not sure how I feel about that. A part of me wants to lean into the comfort he’s offering and another part wants to create distance. I’m too shaken though to take action and allow for Leadir to hold me.

 

“Celeborn is right,” says Leadir unexpectedly. “You *should* visit the Golden Wood one day. You will like it there. The large trees catch the light of the sun and cast a golden film over the ground. The birds sing their songs and a serene silence drives away all hurts.”

 

“That sounds wonderful.” It really does. Hearing Leadir’s voice relaxes me and I rest my head against his shoulder. “You should have stayed there – instead of searching out this madness.”

 

Thoughtfully, Leadir looks at me and says, “I was mad when I dwelled in the Golden Wood. It took learning about your pain for me to regain my sanity. When I look at the keep, I see the shattered remains of a vicious battle… My father died there… But he died with honor – defending your people and his beliefs. I would not have found this measure of peace had I stayed in the Golden Wood.”

 

“I’m scared to venture inside,” I admit. “I’m afraid the nightmares will worsen and that they will haunt me during the day as well.”

 

Leadir draws in a deep breath as if to center himself. “Haleth, you are stronger than you think. I believe that you can do this… You have Celeborn’s support and mine.”

 

~~~

 

Later, I’m sitting at the camp fire that Leadir built and eat the porridge Celeborn made. His hunt was fruitless as he couldn’t find any game near. I’m content to eat the porridge though and watch them eat Lembas. I told Celeborn that he didn’t need to prepare the porridge just for me and that I could eat Lembas too, but Celeborn was adamant I needed to eat something warm.

 

“There will be no rain tonight,” remarks Celeborn while studying the evening sky. “I would have preferred proper shelter for the night, but we will have to camp in the open.”

 

That prospect doesn’t bother me. I can deal with a little cold. Something else *does* bother me though. “I’m sorry that I let you down.”

 

Celeborn arches an eyebrow in surprise. “Why do you think that you let us down?”

 

“You said you wanted to be inside Helm’s Deep in the evening. If it wasn’t for me lacking courage, we would be there.” I stare at the ground and feel rather gloomy.

 

“Haleth…” Celeborn’s fingers move through my hair and brush it away from my face. I had let it fall in front of it, so I could hide from his eyes. “You did not let us down. We are here because of you. We are here so you can heal. It matters little how long it takes… We will stay here with you.”

 

I can hardly believe him and stare at Celeborn in surprise. “But… We’re here because of Leadir…and his… father…” At least, that’s what I thought. Celeborn exchanges a look with Leadir and it’s the younger Elf who addresses me.

 

“I have started to heal, Haleth… It will take time to heal completely, but I learned that coming here serves no purpose, at least not for me. Celeborn is right: we are here to help you heal.”

 

Tears rise in my eyes, and embarrassed, I wipe at them. I don’t want to cry in front of them. I already did that and I don’t want them to think me weak. Celeborn’s fingers move away from my hair and stroke my face. The expression in his eyes make me choke up again – I never saw such understanding in someone’s eyes before – not even in Legolas’.

 

“Do not feel ashamed for weeping, Haleth. Releasing your tears will aid your recovery. We do not think less of you because you mourn losing your innocence that night. You witnessed evil in its purest form. It defiled you, managed to invade your mind, and it lingers in your dreams, waiting and hoping to torment you.”

 

I can’t stop myself and release my tears, which promptly slide down my face. Although I still worry about making a fool out of myself, I let go of my pain and weep. Celeborn pulls me into his arms and holds me tight. I don’t know for how long I clung to him, but when I pull away, I feel better. Some of the pain has left.

 

“You should rest now. Lie down close to the fire, Haleth, and sleep.” Celeborn uncovers the blanket and covers me with it after I lay down on my side. I lie facing the fire and I stare into the flames. I don’t know what happened just now, but crying in Celeborn’s arms helped. Fingers slide into my hair and massage my scalp. At first I think it’s Celeborn, but then I realize it’s Leadir. I’m too tired to wonder why he’s comforting me and I close my eyes instead. It doesn’t take me long to fall asleep. Emotionally I’m worn down and I desperately need to rest.

 

~~~

 

“Haleth? Wake up, will you?”

 

Feeling sleepy, I blink and then open my eyes. Leadir sits next to me and gives me a reassuring smile. “Celeborn wants to leave for the keep… If you feel up to it, that is.”

 

I sit up, blink again, and run my hand through my hair, which is a tangled mess, but who cares? Leadir’s remark finally registers with me and I wonder if I feel up to going inside the keep. I search my feelings and realize that I feel calmer. I no longer panic when I think about going back there. “We can do that…” Hopefully they will give me a moment to wake up though.

 

“You slept well, did you not?” Leadir moves closer and searches my eyes. “You did not seem to have any nightmares. Your dreams were peaceful.”

 

He’s right. I didn’t have any nightmares: I dreamt of pleasant things for a change. I dreamt that I was in the Golden Wood and that Leadir and I were walking among the trees.

 

“That was a pleasant dream indeed,” remarks Celeborn as he squats next to me and rests a hand on my shoulder. “Remember, my friend, that the invitation to visit the Golden Wood still stands.”

 

I stare at Celeborn. He can’t know what my dream was about, but then again, he knows so much!

 

“Eat,” says Celeborn and hands me a piece of Lembas. “We will leave shortly.”

 

Still drowsy, I nod and nibble on the waybread. Leadir offers me his water skin and I drink from it. A few minutes later, I am on my feet again and head for Fire Star. Celeborn already mounted his stallion and Leadir steers his horse towards mine.

 

We head for the keep and I keep my head down. I don’t want to look at it yet. I will need my strength later.

 

“Who goes there?”

 

The call surprises me, and like Celeborn, I look up to find out who addressed us. It’s a Rohirrim, looking dirty and tired, but still ready to keep out any intruders.

 

“I am Celeborn… The younger Elf here is Leadir, son of Haldir, who fell defending this keep. We are here to bear witness to what happened here.”

 

The Rohirrim, whose face I can’t see because he’s wearing a helmet, studies me. “You look familiar, boy. Who are you?”

 

Celeborn nods and encourages me to answer. “I’m Haleth… I was here when they attacked the keep… I was called upon to defend it.”

 

“Haleth…” The Rohirrim cocks his head. “You’re Hama’s son, aren’t you?”

 

I nod and don’t know how to react. I didn’t consider meeting men who had known my father.

 

“We heard that Eómer adopted you… Any truth to that rumor?” asks the Rohirrim.

 

I nod again. “Aye, he did…” I feel uncomfortable under his probing look.

 

“We’re proud to have you, Haleth… You helped defend our people…and you were lucky enough to survive… I will take you to our captain… Just follow me.”

 

I look questioningly at Celeborn, and when he nods, I follow the Rohirrim. I feel Leadir’s eyes upon me and turn my head to find out why he is staring at me. I fail to label the expression on his face though.

 

We meet up with the captain of the guard and dismount. Celeborn does most of the talking: I hardly listen. Standing here, inside the keep and close to the battlefield I desperately try to stay in control of my emotions. I can’t cave in now… But the stench of the bodies they’re burning, and the pile of blood-covered swords next to me, makes my skin crawl. Suddenly Leadir is back at my side and wraps an arm around my shoulder.

 

“We will only stay as long as necessary. If you wish for it, we will leave tonight, or in the morning.”

 

“I’ll be fine,” I tell him, though I don’t think I will be. I feel like I’m about to hurl. I need to get away from the stench… I need to be someplace safe.

 

“Let us go over here…”

 

Leadir guides me inside and into a small room. I don’t recognize it: I have never been in here before. There is a chair though and I sit down before my knees buckle. “It’s the smell – the stench…” I bow my head and draw in a series of deep breaths. Leadir sits on his heels next to me and manages to make eye-contact. “You probably want to know where Haldir fell.” Maybe focusing on something else will help. “I can show you.” Leadir doesn’t seem convinced it’s a good idea and seems about to decline. “Please… Let me do this…” Leadir nods and helps me to my feet.

 

“If it means leaving this place quicker, I will accompany you.”

 

Leadir still mystifies me. “I thought you wanted to see where Haldir fell? Where they burned his body?” Leadir briefly shivers, but then he composes himself again.

 

“Where those things happened no longer matters, Haleth. My father lives on in me – in my heart and spirit.”

 

I don’t react to his statement. Instead, we go outside again. I lead him through the alleyways and I keep my gaze trained on the road. When we finally reach the spot where Haldir fell, I gather my courage and look at Leadir. “This is where it happened… Aragorn wanted Haldir to fall back, and your father was about to do that when the Uruk-hai attacked him. He didn’t see the blow coming… He fell… Aragorn rushed over to his side, but it was too late. Your father died right here.”

 

Leadir draws in a deep breath, closes his eyes, and whispers in his own language. It sounds like a prayer, but I can’t be sure that’s what it is. Leadir stops speaking, opens his eyes again, and nods.

 

“It is done…”

 

I don’t know what he’s referring to and I don’t want to bother him right now, so I’m not asking. “Do you want to see the site where they erected the pyre?” As long as I focus on Leadir, I don’t have to confront my own needs.

 

“Nay, Haleth… I do not need to see it…”

 

Haleth suddenly rests his hands on my shoulders and turns me toward him. I comply, but refuse to look at him. I feel odd and terribly insecure.

 

“Look at me…please…”

 

My heart pounds like mad, but in the end, I raise my head, and look at him.

 

“That is better… Haleth…what scares you the most about being here?”

 

Why does he have to ask me such a hard question? A question, which I don’t want to answer, let alone ponder! “I don’t know,” I replay evasively. Leadir takes a step closer toward me and wraps his arms around me, locking me in an embrace like Legolas always does.

 

“You can do better. What scares you?”

 

My mouth has grown dry and I desperately want to flee this place. Leadir however won’t let me. Instead, he moves until he stands behind me. He keeps the embrace in place though and I have no means of escape. He pulls me against him and then starts to whisper.

 

“Look at the keep, Haleth… Do it…”

 

I can’t stop myself and look at the ruins in front of me. Rohirrim are still busy collecting and burning the corpses of Uruk-hai, Elves, and Men.

 

“That night, evil knocked on your doorstep and you, and your kin, answered. You took up that challenge and you faced your fears. You fought them and you bested them. Aye, it is a dreadful place, filled with death and ruin, but nothing here can hurt you anymore. You do not need to torment yourself in your nightmares.”

 

I swallow convulsively. “Why did I survive, Leadir? Why me? Why not your father? Why not more Elves? Why me?”

 

“Because the Valar decided it that way, Haleth. We should not question them. We might not like their decisions, but we must accept them.”

 

Looking out over the ruins, I hear and ponder Leadir’s words. I press back against him and his embrace around me tightens. “I’m sorry that your father died, Leadir.”

 

“I mourn the loss, but Haleth… You are alive… You cannot dwell on death and the past. You need to live in the present…”

 

Didn’t I tell him something like that a few days ago? A shy smile steals onto my face.

 

“Ah, here you are! I was looking for the two of you!” Celeborn has arrived and gives me a probing look. At seeing my weak smile, he returns it in a similar manner. “You found what you were looking for, did you not?”

 

I’m not sure *what* I found, but he’s right. I found something…

 

“Do you wish to stay here, Haleth?” Celeborn cocks his head and looks like he already knows my answer.

 

I search my feelings and realize that I don’t want to stay, but what about Leadir? I look at him from over my shoulder and whisper, “Do you want to stay?” Leadir however shakes his head.

 

“Well?” asks Celeborn.

 

“I don’t want to stay either…” I direct my gaze towards the Rohirrim, who work side by side with some remaining Elves. They’re dragging more bodies onto the pyre and smoke rises from the burning corpses. “There’s nothing left for me here.”

 

“I had hoped you would say that… I already told the guard on duty that we would leave before nightfall. Why linger when our work here is done?” says Celeborn.

 

Leadir releases me from his embrace and I step away from him. I peek at him and find that he’s still smiling at me. He extends his arm and offers me his hand, which I take into mine. I don’t know what happened between Leadir and I just now, but I feel connected to him.

 

“Let us leave…” says Leadir as he heads toward the horses. “There is nothing left for us here. We should sleep in the open air, look at the sky, and be at peace.”

 

Entranced, I let him pull me along. I mount Fire Star when Leadir tells me to do so. Celeborn calls out to the guard, raises his hand in goodbye, and doesn’t look back. Neither do I. Helm’s Deep is in the past now.

 

TBC

 

The Golden Wood

Part 12

 

We stay on the road until we reach the cave we had spent the night earlier. Celeborn calls for a halt and I am relieved he does. Ever since we left Helm’s Deep, Haleth has seemed entranced and I do not know what to make of it. I asked Celeborn about it, but he dismissed my worries. He said that Haleth was busy processing what had happened and that he will grow alert again when it is time. I wish I had Celeborn’s confidence though.

 

Celeborn already dismounted and sets his stallion free to graze. I dismount as well and do the same thing for my horse. Then I make my way over to Haleth and rest a hand on his knee. “Haleth? Can you hear me?” I squeeze his knee in the hope that the physical contact will register with him. Haleth blinks, seems to regain his senses, and then looks at me.

 

“We have reached the cave… You can rest once you are safely inside.”

 

Haleth nods and slides into my arms. I decided to catch him, just in case he is wobbly. Haleth seems fine though, although a bit drowsy. I am reluctant to let go of him though. “What is happening to you? I worry…” Haleth sweeps his hair away from his face and offers me a smile.

 

“I’m fine… I really am… but it’s like all those sleepless nights are catching up with me.”

 

“Then you should lie down and rest.” I keep an arm around Haleth as I lead him into the cave. While he sits down, I manage to get the fire going again. “I will get Celeborn’s blanket for you… That way you will stay warm.” Haleth nods and I seek out Celeborn. He is outside, studying the heavens which grow increasingly dark.

 

“You wanted this…”

 

I roll my eyes again and resist wondering how it is possible that he knows I want the blanket. I take hold of it and am about to go into the cave again when Celeborn starts to speak.

 

“How much longer until you reach your majority, Leadir?”

 

I blink, as I didn’t expect that question, but I answer it nonetheless. “Three more years… Why?”

 

Celeborn’s eyes narrow and I have the impression he is working on some devious plan. The thing that bothers me is that it obviously involves me!

 

“Will you spend those three years with me so I can complete your training and prepare you for what is to come?”

 

I wish he would stop being cryptically! But that is the way Celeborn is and I cannot change an Elf of his age. “Aye, I will. What else did you think I would do?”

 

“You might want to stay with Haleth.” Celeborn turns around and looks at me. “You have taken a liking to him, did you not?”

 

Celeborn confuses me again, but that is nothing new. “Aye, I like Haleth, but my place is with you… I do not intend to stay in Rohan.”

 

“Not yet…” whispers Celeborn.

 

“What did you say?” I arch an eyebrow. I suspect he said something important just now, but I did not catch it.

 

“Eómer and Legolas do not expect Haleth to return for a fortnight. We should make good use of that time.”

 

I cock my head at Celeborn and wished I knew what he is up to. “Haleth will want to go home right away.”

 

“Maybe… maybe not,” hints Celeborn. “We need four days to reach the Golden Wood… Five days to escort him back to Rohan… That would give us five days to show him the beauty of our home.”

 

“You intend to take him to the Golden Wood? But why?”

 

“I extended an invitation to him, remember? And Haleth wants to see our home… He will not be able to leave Rohan after he went home… As the heir to the throne, Eómer will keep him close and limit the amount of danger Haleth exposes himself to. This might be Haleth’s only chance to visit the Golden Wood. I want to give him that opportunity.”

 

Everything sounds logical the way Celeborn phrases it, but I cannot help but wonder if he has a hidden agenda. “Do you think he has recovered enough for such a journey? We will have to ride nonstop if you want to reach our home in four days.”

 

“It does you credit that you worry about this well-being, Leadir…but Haleth is strong enough to do this. You will find his nightmares gone when you bring him that blanket and he will be rested in the morning… Do not tell him about our destination yet. Let him grow curious as it will keep him alert. Now go to him and make sure he is warm.”

 

I know it when I am being dismissed and do not bother complaining about it. I turn around, go back into the cave, and find Haleth stretched on his side next to the fire. I cover him with the blanket and tuck it around him to make sure that he feels warm. His facial features are relaxed in sleep, and like Celeborn said, there is no trace of a nightmare haunting him. I sit down, gently guide his head onto my lap, and stroke the hair, which I notice is rather dirty. I probably do not look much better and suddenly the prospect of going home appeals to me. What we need right now is a hot bath and relaxing in the comforting water.

 

Haleth moves in his sleep and I worry that the nightmare is back after all, but Haleth merely moves closer to me and pushes his hand beneath my knee so he can use my thigh as his pillow. My fingers wander into deeper into his mane and I massage his scalp. Haleth presses even closer and releases a content sigh which brings a smile onto my face.

 

I do not react when Celeborn settles down next to me, but I *do* glance at him when he starts to play the flute again. I feel at peace and I have a hard recalling a moment when I felt as complete as now.

 

~~~

 

“Maybe we should wake him,” I suggest. Haleth has been asleep since we settled down yesterday. The morn has come and yet, Haleth does not wake.

 

“You do not need to do so,” replies Celeborn, who is readying the horses for departure. “He will wake up out of his own accord in the next few minutes. Make sure he eats Lembas and drinks tea.”

 

Haleth however looks soundly asleep and I wonder if Celeborn made a mistake after all. I do not think Haleth will wake up anytime soon. But, I learned to trust on Celeborn’s instincts throughout the years, I put the tea into a bowl so Haleth can drink it the moment he opens his eyes.

 

“Lea…dir?”

 

Haleth’s voice is soft, but I hear it nonetheless. Looks like Celeborn was right again. I pick up a piece of Lembas and sit down next to Haleth, who is rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Seeing it makes me smile. “Here, you must be hungry and thirsty. Eat first.”

 

Haleth takes hold of the Lembas and nibbles on it. He looks disorientated and I reckon it is because he was asleep for so long. “How do you fare?”

 

“I’m fine,” replies Haleth and then sips from the tea. “How long did I sleep?”

 

“You slept for many hours… It is morning again…”

 

Haleth blinks, sips again, and sits cross-legged. “I didn’t have any nightmares.”

 

I nod. “That is true. You slept peacefully.” That pleases me. I do not mention that I stayed with him during the night and that I truly enjoyed being close to him. Haleth finished eating and wraps his hands around the bowl holding the hot tea. He appears chilled to me so I pick up the blanket and wrap it around him.

 

“Where’s Celeborn?”

 

“Readying the horses… He wants to leave once you are fully awake.” Haleth nods and seems pre-occupied. “What is on your mind?” Haleth cocks his head and smiles at me.

 

“I dreamt I was walking in a forest… The trees were tall and the rays of the sun made them shine golden. You were there with me… It was wonderful.” Haleth blushes and lowers his gaze.

 

Recalling Celeborn’s words, that this might be Haleth’s only chance to go to the Golden Wood, I ask, “Would you like to go there?”

 

“The Golden Wood, you mean? Your home?” Haleth shyly looks up and nods. “I would love that.”

 

‘Then let us leave! We are wasting time!” Celeborn rushes inside and gestures for us to make haste.

 

Haleth blinks. “Leave?”

 

“You want to see the Golden Wood, do you not?” says Celeborn in a wicked voice. “We can be there in four days if we leave *now*.”

 

“Do you mean that?” I rise from the ground and stare at the elder Elf in surprise. “Would you take me there?”

 

Celeborn raises his right hand and strokes Haleth’s hair. “Child, you have already been there… Your dreams take you there… Therefore it is time that your body goes there too. You need to walk between the trees…”

 

Haleth gives me a curious look, but I shrug my shoulders. I do not know how Celeborn knows these things – he just does.

 

~~~

 

We do not halt until it is too dark for the horses to continue. Celeborn raises a hand and gestures for us to come to a stop. “We will make camp here,” announces Celeborn as he slides from his stallion’s back. “I will make a fire… You two, look after the horses.”

 

While Celeborn gathers fire wood, Haleth and I take care of the horses. We did not speak much during the day, as the silence felt comfortable. I reckon Haleth has a lot to think about now that he faced Helm’s Deep. I have been busy sorting out my thoughts as well. For some reason, Haleth is often on my mind and I still worry about his well-being, even though he seems to improve.

 

The other day, Celeborn asked me if I wanted to stay with him for the next three years, until I reach my majority. He hinted that I might want to stay with Haleth instead. That remark stayed on my mind and I searched my feelings. Most of the time, Celeborn is right – and for him to assume that I would prefer to stay with Haleth, implies that I have come to care about the young Man. I might not like admitting it, but Celeborn is right – again. I *do* care about Haleth, and a great deal at that. I have become used to having him around and he is wonderful to talk to. I will miss him when he goes back home. Maybe I can visit him once I reach my majority…

 

“Leadir?”

 

Haleth waves his hand in front of my face. He looks worried. “I was lost in thought – everything is fine.” I give him a smile in order to reassure him. “I promised you dinner a few nights ago… Please tell Celeborn that I am going hunting.” Haleth nods and I raise a hand in goodbye. While the distance between us increases, I grow aware of my growing affection for Haleth. I do not know why I feel the way I do, but I know that Haleth has become an important person in my life.

 

~~~

 

I clean the two rabbits which I managed to catch and put them in place over the fire. It will take a little time before we can eat, but Haleth will not go to sleep hungry tonight.

 

Upon my return I had found them sparring. I had to admit that Haleth is talented when it comes down to handling a staff.

 

Celeborn sits opposite me and seems bored. Haleth is trying his best to play the flute, but so far he is only missing notes. My ears hurt, but I keep quiet.

 

When it is time to eat, I divide our food over the three bowls and make sure Haleth gets the best bits. “Dinner is ready.” Haleth finally puts away the flute – thank the Valar for that! – and takes hold of his bowl. He looks rather suspicious, but seems appeased when he sees that his bowl is not fuller than ours.

 

Celeborn takes hold of his share and eats. He remains detached though and I wonder what is on his mind. Should I bring it up? In the end, I cannot remain quiet. “Is anything amiss, Celeborn?”

 

“I have been thinking about the future, Leadir…maybe I should stop doing that.”

 

“Thinking of it seems to distress you.”

 

Celeborn nods. “The Firstborn are leaving these lands in a high pace, Leadir. Only a few of us remain. I do not feel the urge to head for Valinor… I wish to stay, but dwelling in the Golden Wood all alone does not appeal to me either.”

 

“But you have me…” I do not want Celeborn to feel lonely.

 

“Ah, child… You mean well, but your destiny lies elsewhere. You will not stay in the Golden Wood forever,” replies Celeborn.

 

“Why would you want to stay there forever?” asks Haleth in a soft voice. “I understand that it is a beautiful place, but if you’re all alone there… You can always come to Rohan and leave with Eómer, Legolas, and me. You too, Leadir.”

 

“Your offer is very kind, Haleth,” says Celeborn, and a smile appears on his face. “Maybe I will take you up on it – one day in the future.”

 

Suddenly I feel suspicious again. Celeborn’s eyes twinkle with mischief and I have the feeling he set Haleth up. He wanted Haleth to extend that invitation to him. The question that remains though is why?

 

~~~

 

We arrive at the Golden Wood three days later. Celeborn knew some short cuts and we actually arrived one day early, which pleases me, as I enjoy being back again. It does not feel like home though – not anymore. The Golden Wood is deserted these days, as all inhabitants left for the Undying Lands.

 

“It’s beautiful.”

 

Haleth sounds awed and I understand only too well. The Golden Wood still breaths something special – calm, understanding, and wisdom. That is what I feel upon entering it.

 

“Aye, it is beautiful,” says Celeborn after releasing a deep breath. “This was my home for centuries, and although it is still magical, it also feels empty.”

 

I study Celeborn’s expression. He appears sad, but then a smile forms on his face. “Leadir and I will dwell here until he reaches his majority. We will see what happens after that.”

 

I suspect Celeborn knows exactly what will happen in three years time, but he will never tell me.

 

“We will continue on foot from here on… Release your horse, Haleth… They will graze and are safe here.”

 

We dismount and Haleth does as Celeborn asks. Our three horses make for the spots with the juiciest grass and Celeborn leads us to one of the tree tops he occupied while he lived here with Galadriel. We climb the stairs and once inside, Celeborn looks more comfortable. “It is a pity no one was here to prepare for our return… We will do everything ourselves. I suggest we bathe first, eat later, and then rest. Is that agreeable to you, Haleth?”

 

Haleth looks intimidated and nods. I do not want him to feel uneasy and take his hand in mine to remind him that he has my support. “You are welcome here,” I tell him and that earns me a weak smile. “You will love the hot springs…”

 

“Hot springs?”

 

Haleth looks out of place, and yet, it feels like he has come home too. It is an odd sensation – one which I fail to explain. “Aye, hot water… We will bathe in it.”

 

Celeborn gestures for us to follow him and with gentle persuasion I manage to pull Haleth along. He still looks insecure and I hope that sensation will fade.

 

“The hot springs!” announces Celeborn triumphantly. “How I long to wipe the dirt and grime from the road from my body!”

 

Steam rises from the hot water and it looks invitingly enough. Haleth however seems hesitant. Celeborn took off his clothes and now walks into the water, sighing deeply and finding a comfortable spot at the edge. He settles down and closes his eyes.

 

I do not know what is wrong, but maybe it will help if I ignore Haleth’s odd behavior. I undress too and then look at Haleth. He is blushing to the roots of his hair and I recall his behavior in the cave that night when our clothes were wet. He was nervous to undress back then too. “I will wait for you in the water.” Hopefully he will feel less self-conscience when he has some privacy to undress.

 

I settle down next to Celeborn and wet my hair. It used to be fair when I set out upon this journey, now it is grey and black with dirt. I regret defiling the water in this way, but it will purify itself again. I glance at Celeborn and find that his eyes are still closed – he seems oblivious to what is going on with Haleth, but I am certain he knows about his insecurities.

 

A few moments later, Haleth joins us in the water. His face is still flustered and he settles down at a distance from us. He is far from relaxed and that worries me. I wonder why Men feel ashamed of their bodies. “Why do you not come over here? I can wash your hair for you.” Let us see if he will accept my offer. I hope so.

 

Haleth gives me a wavering look, but then he nods – rather shakily – and moves closer. He turns his back toward me and I feel touched that he trusts me. “Can you wet your hair for me?” Haleth briefly disappears beneath the surface and then emerges again. I reach for a special kind of grass that grows next to the pool, crush it in my hand, and it releases a fluid that smells of citrons. I massage it into his hair and while I work on removing the dirt from it, I also keep a close eye on Haleth, who seemingly starts to relax.

 

“Do you like it here?” Although the silence between us feels comfortable, I imagine Haleth would not mind a little conversation.

 

“It’s breathtaking – much better than in my dreams…” Haleth’s voice is soft, like he does not want to disturb the Golden Wood. “Thank you for taking me here.”

 

“You are welcome…” I removed most of the dirt from his hair and it shines like gold in the last rays of the sun. “Haleth? Turn around please?” Haleth complies and gives me a shy look. “I do not know why you feel insecure about being naked, but you do not need to feel that way. It is the normal, natural state of our bodies.”

 

Haleth bites on his bottom lip. “For you perhaps… I wasn’t raised that way.”

 

“We have six days here,” says Celeborn unexpectedly. He opens his eyes and looks at Haleth. “What do you wish to do during that time?”

 

Haleth shrugs. “I don’t know… Just being here makes me feel calm.”

 

Celeborn inclines his head questioningly. “You will rest then, walk between the trees, and be at peace… But we *will* continue your training.”

 

“I’m fine with that…”

 

I like having Haleth here with us. I want to share my home with him – show him where my people come from and how we life. “We can go for a walk later, if that pleases you.” Haleth nods again. The looks he gives me now has an odd feel to it and so I arch an eyebrow.

 

“I dreamt that… we walked between the trees… you and I… and you held my hand…” Haleth’s blush deepens and he lowers his gaze.

 

I recall Haleth telling me about that dream. “Then it will come true. We will walk between the trees and I will hold your hand.” Behind me, Celeborn chuckles and I glare at him from over my shoulder. Celeborn is obviously amused, but what did I say to cause his mirth?

 

“Do not mind me…” Celeborn rises from the water and leaves the pool, doubtlessly heading home to dress in a clean set of clothes and to enjoy a glass of good wine.

 

That leaves Haleth and me alone. The young Man is still flustered and I feel nervous myself – it is a sensation I cannot explain. Something tickles my insides and whenever I look at Haleth the sensation grows stronger – most odd.

 

My hand moves to Haleth’s face and my fingers glide into his wet hair out of their own accord. Touching him gives me pleasure and I cock my head and smile at him. “During these last few days you have become very dear to me, my friend.”

Haleth swallows nervously and his eyes dart in their sockets. “I will miss you when you go back home. Celeborn and I will escort you back to Rohan, but leaving you behind will be hard on me. I did not think I would come to care so much about you, but I do. I hope you feel the same way about me and that I may call you my friend – my dear friend.” Haleth looks extremely shy and I know better than to rush him. He will speak once he feels ready to do so.

 

“I feel the same way about you, Leadir…” Haleth pauses, bites onto his bottom lip, and it seems like he has to gather his courage before he can continue. I find it endearing. “I like you too and I think of you as a friend -- a good friend. I will miss you too when I’m at home again… Maybe you can visit?”

 

“Maybe…” I somehow doubt Celeborn will allow that though. “We should make the best of these six days.” I smile and hope to take away Haleth’s nervousness that way. “And we will start by leaving the hot springs. We will get dressed, eat, and walk among the trees – hand in hand, just like in your dream.”

 

TBC

 

Stay with Me

Part 13

 

These last five days have been the best days of my life. I experienced a calm and peace of mind here, which I never felt before – not while my father was still alive, or when I stayed with Eómer and Legolas. All of them love me, but what I found here in the Golden Wood is different. I found healing here. Just walking among the trees, hand in hand with Leadir, healed my soul.

 

I haven’t had any nightmares since we left Helm’s Deep. Neither have I been alone at night. Celeborn decided that Leadir and shared a room, and although he doesn’t need to sleep, Leadir kept me company at night. I slept and he guarded my dreams.

 

I find it hard to recall the angry Leadir who appeared at Eómer’s court. He is a different person now – he’s probably back to being the person he was before he lost his father. Not quite the same of course, but for a large part – at least, that is what Celeborn says.

 

I hold a great affection for Celeborn. During these last five days he comforted me, sparred with me and soothed the last aches that lingered in my soul. He refuses to call himself a healer – as I had called him that – but I think he is gifted in that way.

 

I hardly recognize myself these days. When Celeborn and Leadir appeared the first time, I felt scared, nervous and didn’t dare look at them. I have changed – these days I smile at Celeborn and chuckle when he annoys Leadir by speaking in riddles. And Leadir… I love it when we walk among the trees, hand in hand and just the two of us. I will never forget the feeling that courses through me now – I feel at peace – I feel complete.

 

That might end in the morning though. It is time for me to return home and in one way, I agree. I need to return to Rohan. I need to go back to Eómer and Legolas – Eómer especially. I realized that he needs me – needs me more than I need him perhaps. I can’t linger here, no matter how much I want to stay. I will have five more days of Celeborn’s and Leadir’s company, but I fear time will pass quickly – faster than I would like.

 

“Stop brooding… It will only make your head hurt,” Leadir says jokingly.

 

He manages to make me smile and I turn my head so I can look at him. “I don’t want to leave the Golden Wood.”

 

“But you must… Your destiny lies in Rohan. Your life awaits you… You cannot stay here. The Golden Wood is an empty place now.”

 

I walk toward Leadir, who sits cross-legged on the floor. I sit down next to him and search his eyes. “I wish I could stay with you – not necessarily here, but with you.”

 

“I feel the same way,” admits Leadir. “But we must abide to the rules for now. You must go back to Rohan and perform your duties as Eómer’s heir. I must stay here and finish my education. Who knows what will happen in three years when I reach my majority. I might ride into Rohan one day and seek you out.”

 

My heartbeat speeds up at hearing that. “I would like that very much.” I can’t fight back a yawn and give Leadir an apologetic look. “Sorry, I’m tired.”

 

“Then go to sleep…” Leadir gets to his feet and pulls me to mine. We move over to the bed, which Celeborn had moved from the guest rooms to Leadir’s so I could sleep comfortably. “Lie down and rest.”

 

“You don’t need to stay, you know that, don’t you? It must be boring to be in bed all night when you don’t need to sleep.” I don’t understand what Leadir gets out of watching me sleep.

 

“I enjoy looking at you in your sleep. Your face is relaxed and seeing you free from nightmares gives me great pleasure.”

 

Looks like I lost that fight and so I give in. I lie down, Leadir stretches next to me, and covers us with the blanket. I have become used to having him close and so I instantly snuggle up to him. I rest my head against his shoulder and close my eyes. I will miss this when I am back home again.

 

~~~

 

We’re ready to leave the Golden Wood, but I know that a part of me will stay here – forever. My hurts were healed here and I gladly say goodbye to that part, but I *do* regret leaving the Golden Wood. I would have gladly stayed here with Leadir and Celeborn.

 

“There is no need to be glum, “ says Celeborn in an effort to cheer me up.

 

But it doesn’t work. As I look over my shoulder, the Golden Wood grows smaller and it won’t be long before it will vanish from my view completely. “It might sound odd to you, but I was happy there. These last few days were filled with happiness.”

 

“Haleth… Your life has only just started. Happiness awaits you… Do not despair because you must leave the Golden Wood behind.”

 

Celeborn’s words cause me to sigh. It’s easy for him to say that because he will return here shortly. Looking to my right, I realize I’m not the only one feeling gloomy. Leadir doesn’t look pleased either. Saying goodbye will be hard on both of us.

 

~~~

 

These last four days passed by much too fast. We stopped for the night and it’s our last night camping together. We will reach the Golden Hall of Meduseld tomorrow and I will be home again, but at the same time, I will have to say goodbye to Leadir and Celeborn.

 

Celeborn has taken to playing his flute again and I listen to the melody, which is obviously meant to soothe my troubled mind, but it isn’t working. All I can think about is that I have to let Leadir go when I want him to stay. Leadir must have picked up on my discomfort as he tightens his hold on me. We sit close to the fire and he wrapped an arm around my waist. I like being close to him and can’t imagine what it will be like when I have to do without him. “I wish tomorrow would never come,” I whisper into Leadir’s ear. “I want to stay like this forever.”

 

Leadir nods and then sighs. “I agree, but unfortunately we are unable to stop time. It will pass… Haleth, it be hard to believe, but the next three years will pass and when the time is right, I will seek you out. I will come to Rohan and we will meet again.”

 

Wishful thinking… I don’t believe Leadir will still remember me in three years time. He will have forgotten about me. In three years, I will be eighteen. I will be an adult, but I won’t be free to go where I want. As Eómer’s heir, I am bound to stay close. My only option is talking to him – convincing him that should Eowyn give birth that this child will become the rightful heir to Rohan’s throne. I must admit though that I don’t think I can sway his mind. He sounded rather adamant in the past.

 

“Set aside your troubles, Haleth, and sleep. Tomorrow will be an important day and you should be rested.”

 

I know that Leadir means well and that his advice is sound, but I don’t want to go to sleep yet. I want to make the best out of our last evening together. I want to remember this –him.

 

But in the end, my fatigue wins and I doze off at any rate.

 

~~~

 

“Is your horse injured, Haleth?”

 

Celeborn turns in the saddle and gives me a probing look. I quickly shake my head. Fire Star isn’t injured. I’m merely stalling. No matter how much I want to see Eómer and Legolas again, it doesn’t weigh up against losing Leadir’s company.

 

“Then I suggest you tell her to move, Haleth.”

 

Celeborn probably knows why I’m stalling, but that doesn’t mean he approves of it. I can’t help it though.

 

“Haleth, postponing will do you no good. You know that this has to happen.”

 

Leadir is right, but my heart still feels heavy because of it. “I don’t want to be without you.”

 

“Oh, Haleth… There is a place and time for everything, but this is not your time yet. You need to be patient!” calls out Celeborn who eavesdropped. “It is not the end of the world!”

 

I flinch. That doesn’t sound like the Celeborn I know. Celeborn looks at me from over his shoulder – he doubtlessly picked up on my unease and his expression softens. “I am sorry, Haleth. Sometimes I forget how young you are and how long three years seem to you. To me, three years is nothing. Time passes differently for me.”

 

I nod to show that I understand and accept his apology. “It seems like an eternity.” Celeborn gives me a look full of sympathy and then he turns again to focus on the road.

 

“There is the Golden Hall of Meduseld,” says Leadir in a remarkable soft voice. “I see it.”

 

I follow the direction of his look and realize he’s right. I can make it out as well. The time is drawing near then – it won’t be long and then I have to tell them goodbye.

 

“They noticed us… If my eyes do not deceive me, it is Legolas riding out to meet us,” says Celeborn as he scans the horizon.

 

Legolas? He knows I’m here already? I had hoped I had longer before I had to act my part again. I bow my head in surrender – I don’t want Legolas to arrive yet. I want to stay with Leadir.

 

It doesn’t take Legolas long to reach us though, and when he does, he steers his horse toward mine. “Haleth! It is you! I am relieved and happy to see you again. I worried.” Legolas reaches for me and wraps an arm around me. “It is good to have you back, son.”

 

“I’m happy to see you too.” But it also means that my time with Leadir has come to an end. “Does Eómer know I’m back?”

 

“I sent a guard to tell him… He will wait for you at home… Traders arrived today and he is stuck bargaining with them. Haleth, let me look at you.” Legolas pulls away and studies me. “You look well!”

 

I manage to give him a smile, although I don’t feel happy on the inside. “Going to Helm’s Deep helped… I feel better now.”

 

“I am happy to hear that,” replies Legolas. “But let us discuss this at home.” Legolas turns toward Celeborn and inclines his head in respect. “Thank you for returning my son to me. I hope he did not cause you any trouble.”

 

“No trouble at all, Legolas. It is a pleasure to have his company and I will miss him – so will Leadir no doubt.”

 

I draw in my breath and catch Leadir glaring at Celeborn. I need to distract Legolas – and quickly. “You’re right… We should go home first.” Legolas nods, but his expression tells me that he has picked up on something – he isn’t sure on what though.

 

~~~

 

“Haleth!”

 

I can’t help but chuckle at hearing Eómer’s outcry. I knew he would be happy to see me, but I didn’t expect to be swept off my feet and be buried in a bearhug. Eómer however doesn’t seem inclined to let go and so I suffer his embrace. In the end, he puts me down onto my feet again and tries to ruffle my hair. That isn’t as easy as it used to be as Leadir braided part of my hair.

 

“You’re turning into an Elf,” jokes Eómer. “Let me look at you! Haleth, I’m glad you’re back… We expected you so we had your room readied… And there is someone else who missed you. Ghost will be happy to see you, though you might have to fight him for your bed. He has claimed it as his own.”

 

“I will deal with him,” I say, joking back. “It feel strange to be back.”

 

“You have to tell us about your journey! Dinner will be served shortly and then I want to hear everything about it. Maybe you want to freshen up first and slip into clean clothes?” suggests Legolas.

 

I nod. I like that idea. “Will you come with me?” I ask Leadir as I want to make the most of our time together. He will be gone in the morning. Leadir nods and from the corner of my eye, I register Eómer’s surprised expression. “Leadir and I have become friends,” I tell him. “Good friends.”

 

“I’m surprised but nonetheless pleased,” says Eómer and smiles. “Lord Celeborn, we readied rooms for you too.”

 

“Thank you for your hospitality, but I do not require any, and Leadir will probably stay with Haleth. Those two have become inseparable these last few weeks.”

 

“As you wish… Legolas, will you take care of our guests? I need to return to the meeting… Those traders are giving me a hard time.”

 

“I will look after them…” Legolas gives Eómer a loving smile before the King leaves the room. “Now, off with you… Clean yourself up for dinner.”

 

Legolas gives me a blinding smile and it shows me just how happy he is to have me back. I’m happy to be home again too, but… The idea of losing Leadir pains me.

 

~~~

 

“You visited the Golden Wood?” Legolas’ gaze shifts from me to Celeborn and he gives the elder Elf a surprised look. “I had assumed you would take him home after visiting Helm’s Deep.”

 

I can’t blame Legolas for being protective, but I wish he would understand. I’m about to explain the reason why to him when Celeborn starts to speak.

 

“Peace, Legolas… The child needed to heal and you know about the healing qualities of the Golden Wood. Did you not find comfort there after losing Mithrandir in the mines of Moria? Do not begrudge your son a chance to heal.”

 

“I apologize,” says Legolas, looking thoughtfully. “You are right… I had forgotten about the soothing qualities of your home.”

 

Do I sense tension at the table? But why? Eómer gives me an equally confused look so he noticed too. “What’s this about?” I look at Legolas and frown at him.

 

“I am sorry, Haleth… I missed you and worried about you… Maybe I take my parental role too seriously, but I felt guilty because I could not help you in that way.”

 

“Oh, Legolas!” I draw in a deep, steadying breath, push back my chair and walk over to him. I wrap my arms around him and hug him. “You don’t need to feel guilty… I’m back and now you spoil me all you want.” Legolas smiles and caresses my face. It seems like everything is back to normal again, and after hugging him one more time, I return to my chair. I intercept Leadir’s gaze and immediately grow sad again. I’m happy to have Eómer and Legolas back, but why must I lose Leadir at the same time?

 

~~~

 

Eómer gave me a strange look when I told him that Leadir was welcome to stay with me. I think he never expected for us to become friends or grow close, but he accepted my decision, and after wishing me a good night, Eómer and Legolas left.

 

Ghost still occupies the bed. Although he was glad to see me earlier, he still maintains his right to occupy the foot end and I let him. I don’t think I will get much sleep tonight as I want to spend my time with Leadir.

 

Leadir sits in front of the fireplace – cross-legged and with a frown on his brow. I sit down next to him and take his hand in mine. “I don’t want you to go away.”

 

“I do not wish to leave either, Haleth…” Leadir draws in a deep breath and then looks at me. “Please stay here when Celeborn and I leave in the morning. See you stay behind while we leave would cause me pain.”

 

I swallow hard, but then I nod. “If that makes things easier on you…”

 

“It will not, but it might make our farewell more bearable. Haleth… I do not know what happened in these four weeks, but the thought of being without you makes me ache.”

 

“I feel the same way,” I tell him quickly. “Is there no way for you to stay here?”

 

“I need to finish my training, Haleth and I cannot do that here… Celeborn is right – I need to go home too.”

 

I sigh deeply and rest my head against his shoulder. “Leadir, what happened to us?” Leadir rubs my fingers between his and releases a laugh which sounds bitter. “What?”

 

“My feelings for you are deep… I believe I am falling in love with you, but… we cannot follow through… I have not yet reached my majority and you…you are too young too. We need time.”

 

“Love?” I blink at hearing that. Leadir is falling in love with me? Is the same thing happening with me? Am I falling in love with him as well? “Do you really think so?”

 

Leadir nods. “It must be… What else can it be?”

 

He might be right, but…”Leadir, you leave in the morning and I doubt I will ever see you again.”

 

“You do not know the future…” Leadir suddenly chuckles. “I could ask Celeborn, but I doubt he will tell me.”

 

I’m still trying to accept what Leadir just told me. We’re falling in love…but what good will it do us? We will probably never see each other again. “It doesn’t matter,” I say in the end. “All we have is tonight and I want to sit here with you, watch the fire and enjoy your company. You will be gone in the morning… Don’t tell me otherwise… That’s why you don’t want me to say goodbye in the morning… Leadir… do me one last favor?”

 

“What do you need from me?”

 

Leadir gives me the sweetest smile and my heart misses a beat. Maybe he is right after all and we are in love. “Play the flute for me? I want to fall asleep that way.” I regret not being an Elf, for if I were, I could stay awake all night, but as I am merely a man I will fall asleep on Leadir and in the morning, he *will* be gone.

 

“I can do that for you…” Leadir removes his flute from a pocket and places it against his lips.

 

I make myself more comfortable and press against him. I draw in his scent, rub his back and fight hard to stay awake. In the end though, the inevitable moment comes and my eyes close.

 

~~~

 

I open my eyes and instantly notice the lack of body heat which kept me warm during the night. The sun casts rays into my room and it tells me that I might have woken up too late. I jump to my feet and am about to run to the stables when I remember the promise I made. I know why Leadir asked me to let him go. Saying goodbye this way hurt less – by running after him now, I would make things worse.

 

I make my way over to the window and look out onto the courtyard. My heart pounds louder when I make out Leadir’s form. He is about to mount his horse and Celeborn is saying goodbye to Eómer and Legolas. I put my hand against the glass of the window and wish I could pull him back in that way. It won’t work though – I know that.

 

“I will miss you, Leadir… And for what it’s worth… I think you’re right… I’m in love with you… I won’t forget you…”

 

Maybe it’s just coincidence, but at exactly that moment, Leadir raises his head and singles out the window to my room. “I will miss you and I promise I won’t forget about you… I won’t.”

 

For one long moment, our gazes meet and I swallow nervously, wondering if it’s possible for him to have heard my words. “May the Valar protect you, Leadir...”

 

Leadir turns away, pushes his heels into the flanks of his horse and follows Celeborn down the road. I don’t want him to ride out of my life like that, but I have no choice. I watch his form until he has disappeared from view and I settle down on the bed, hugging Ghost close. I want Leadir back, but I also know it’s not going to happen. He is gone.

 

TBC


	3. Autumn Harmony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Haleth turns eighteen he gets a surprise visit.

Autumn Harmony

 

The leaves fall early this year. Although autumn has come to Rohan, I had hoped to enjoy the coloring of the leaves a little longer as they present a spectacular sight.

 

“You are lost in thought today, Haleth,” remarks Legolas. “Is it the change in weather that makes you melancholy?”

 

I set aside the sword I used to train with and walk over to a fallen tree. I sit down on its trunk and look out over Rohan. Eómer delights in telling me that the land will be mine to rule one day, and although I tried to change his mind for three years, I failed. Eómer remains adamant that I succeed it, even though Eowyn gave birth to a son two months ago. I don’t understand Eómer’s reasoning, but I learned to accept my destiny.

 

Recalling Legolas’ question I turn my head and look at him. He seated himself next to me and gives me a reassuring smile. “Autumn is my favorite season. I merely wished the colors would stay longer. The leaves drop too early.”

 

“They drop when the time is right,” remarks Legolas amused. “And the time is right *now*. Do not be melancholy, Haleth. We will celebrate your birthday tonight and after that you are an adult.”

 

I turn eighteen today. I long longed for this moment to come, but now that it’s here, I feel disappointed. Deep down in my heart I had always hoped that Leadir would appear on the day that I turn into an adult. That’s not going to happen though. Leadir probably forgot about me and holding onto a memory is folly.

 

“Haleth… why do you not tell me what is really on your mind?” Legolas places a hand on my shoulder, squeezes it and looks at me expectantly.

 

“Leadir is…” I admit, sighing. “I know it’s folly, but I still hope he will come back to Rohan. Do not worry, I know he won’t, but… My heart refuses to be convinced.”

 

“I am sorry,” replies Legolas as he tightens his hold on me. “I know that he is very dear to you…that you fell in love with him, but… I do not believe your love has a future. Most Elves have left these lands and I do not know if Celeborn intends to sail. If he does, Leadir will accompany him.”

 

“I know that…” I nod, free myself of Legolas’ hold and get to my feet. I walk away from Legolas and stare at the setting sun. “I never knew I had fallen in love with him so deeply… I didn’t steel my heart back then… I let him in and I must face the consequences now.”

 

“Do not be so hard on yourself,” says Legolas as he joins me.

 

He comes to a halt in front of me and rests the palm of his hand against my face. We are equally tall these days. I no longer have to cramp my neck in order to look at him. Maybe I’m one or two inches taller than him, but I’m not sure.

 

“You were young… A child… Your heart responded to his… There is no shame in that.”

 

Legolas is right, but losing Leadir still hurts and I desperately want to change our subject. “Do you want to continue our training or do you wish to stop?” We trained for two hours now. We worked on my sword skills today and I did well. It took me a long time to agree to Legolas teaching me to handle a sword, but in the end, I complied. After my visit to Helm’s Deep handling the sword no longer intimidated me.

 

“Let us stop for today. You should go to your rooms and ready yourself for the feast. Bathe and take care in dressing yourself for the evening. Eómer expects you to look your best as he will officially introduce you to his Captains.”

 

I was made Marshall of the Mark yesterday, taking my official position as Eómer’s heir and today the proclamation will follow.

 

“Do not fret, Haleth. You will do well. You are the best heir Eómer would wish for… I agree with him that you will be a fine King… Just look at yourself, Haleth. You have become a man… You are no longer a child. You stand as tall as me, and you are definitely broader than me or Eómer.”

 

Legolas is right. During the last two years my body started to react to our training sessions and my muscles began to develop. I can easily wrestle someone in submission – even Eómer, do I will never do so in public – and wielding the sword merely toned my muscles.

 

“Haleth, we need to go home. Eómer awaits us.”

 

Legolas slides his fingers into my hair and untangles the mane. I didn’t cut it during these last three years and it reaches the lower part of my back now. Most of the time, I keep it braided away from the face, or in a pony tail so it won’t hinder me, but today, I chose to wear it loose.

 

“Haleth, are you dreaming again?” Legolas sounds amused though and smiles.

 

“Sorry… I can’t seem to focus my thoughts today.”

 

“You are allowed to let your thoughts float today… It is your day after all.”

 

Legolas takes his hand in mine, we collect our swords, and head home. My thoughts still dwell on Leadir though. In my heart I know that if he doesn’t show up today, he never will.

 

~~~~

 

“Haleth…”

 

Eómer’s voice causes me to look away from the window and makes me focus on my father. Although Hama will always keep a special place in my heart, I look upon Eómer as my father nowadays. I smile at him and wait for him to speak his mind.

 

“I want you to have this…As the future King you need a weapon you can depend on in war. I hope that these days of peace will last your lifetime and that you will never have use for it though. I named it Gúthwinë and I hope you will wield it in honor.”

Reverently I take hold of the sword. Emotions block my throat and I find it hard to speak. I stare at the sword and then I gaze at Eómer. He hasn’t aged much in these three years, but there are other things that show the difference between the man standing in front of me now and the one who adopted me three years ago.

His expression has softened throughout the years and self-confidence replaced the insecurity that once lingered in his eyes. His hair is longer now, and though he keeps himself in shape, one can see that battle isn’t foremost on his mind. He became the King Legolas always saw in him, and when I look at Eómer these days, I see a man who loves his people and a King who rules the land with kindness. If I must be King one day, I want to be a King like him.

“Haleth?” Eómer sounds amused and he chuckles softly. “You’re not King yet.”

I return his smile. “I’m sorry… I thought about the future and that I want to be King just like you one day – kind and respected by his people.” I draw in a deep breath and sheath Gúthwinë. “Thank you for this gift… I will always wield it with honor and when I do, I will do it with love in my heart for you.”Eómer suddenly pulls my into an embrace and hugs me tight.

“When the time comes, you will make me proud. I know that, my son.”

Eómer releases me and although he looks happy, I notice the tears that gathered in his eyes. He is more emotional that he wants me to know and I judge it best to change our topic. “Have the Captains arrived yet?”

“They assembled in the Golden Hall, aye. They’re eager to see welcome you into the midst… They’re also probably curious about you. You have changed in these last few years and you look every inch of a Rohirrim these days. They will eagerly accept you as my heir and the next King of Rohan.”

In the past, I would have used a moment like this to try to change his mind, but I accepted my destiny. If Eómer says I will be King, it will happen, so I had better not fight it. I moisten my lips and look at Eómer, suddenly feeling insecure. “Any word from the Golden Wood?” At my request, Eómer sent a messenger there to inform Celeborn and Leadir of my coming of age.

“Unfortunately no… The messenger hasn’t returned yet… We can’t be sure he relied your message to them. I’m sorry, son, but maybe this is for the best.”

I know Eómer means well, but it still hurts. “Then help me fall out of love with Leadir for I do not know how to accomplish it.”

Eómer places a hand on my shoulder and looks me in the eye. “I’m sure you will find your life mate in time, Haleth. If Leadir isn’t the one for you, you will accept it in the end. Maybe love will show itself in another, different form.”

“I hope so,” I mutter, but my heart isn’t in it. What happened between Leadir and I back then created a bond and I still feel lonely without him, even after all this time.

“Don’t be gloomy today,” says Eómer. “This is your day, Haleth… You are a man from this day on and a child no more.”

That won’t buy me more freedom though. As Eómer’s heir, he always keeps me close and I wonder if I will ever see the Golden Wood again – probably not.

~~~

The Captains already gathered in the Golden Hall, but there are more people present. Eómer’s personal guards, which will elect four Rohirrim to make up my personal guard, the household staff and even Eowyn and Faramir traveled to Rohan for this proclamation. I still feel that Eówyn’s son is the rightful heir, but Eómer won’t have it and Eowyn actually seemed relieved to find out that I would succeed Eómer one day. I stand no chance to change my destiny.

“Hear, hear,” calls out Gamling. “We gathered here today to honor the new Marshall of the Mark, Eómer’s heir and our future King. Let it be known that from this day on, Haleth has come of age and will take his rightful place next to our King.”

I make sure I appear calm and in control, but on the inside, I’m nervous. What if someone protests this decision? What if the Captains will agree to it? But nothing like that happens. Instead, they cheer me on and chant my name. Eómer signals for me to step forward so I stand next to him, to his left. Legolas stands to his right and the Elf looks smug and incredibly pleased.

“Hail Haleth, Eómer’s heir and Marshall of the Mark!” they call out and threw helmets in the air to celebrate my coming of age. This is only the beginning of the evening though. Later on, there will be music, dance, mock sword play and lots of heavy drinking. Maybe I will end up drunk for the first time, drowning my sorrow as Leadir didn’t return to me.

Eómer turns towards me and smiles. “It’s official now, Haleth…”

I nod and draw in a deep breath. Eómer placed a lot of responsibility on my shoulders just now. Should he unexpectedly die, I will be called upon to rule the land.

“Go among the Rohirrim, son. Eat, drink and sing with them… And should they challenge you to a fight, don’t inflict much bodily harm. We will need them later.”

His words make me smile, but only on the outside. I hug Eómer briefly and then join the men.

~~~

 

I decided against getting drunk and drink watered-down wine. Getting drunk doesn’t appeal to me as much as it did at first – that changed when I saw the first guards throw up. It might also not do well if the heir to the throne got drunk on his first evening in function.

 

I lean against the wall and watch our people make merry. Even Legolas joined in the dance and sings along. It’s good to see him like that – letting go. My gaze travels through the Hall and fasten on Eómer who is talking to a guard. He no longer smiles and his eyes look worried. Maybe I should find out what happened. I’m about to make my way over to him, when he raises his arm and gestures for me to follow. Something is up then!

 

I march after him and join him in a secluded room where we can talk freely. “Do you want me to fetch Legolas?”

 

“That’s not necessary at this point… We will inform him later. Let him make merry for a change… He lets go so seldom.”

 

I tend to agree with him, but I also know that it is merely a matter of minutes before Legolas will realize the two of us left. “What happened?”

 

Eómer has a thoughtful expression in his eyes when he looks up. “We have some visitors. They arrived a few minutes ago.”

 

“Visitors? Who are they?” My first thought was that it would be Celeborn and Leadir, but nay, they left my life and won’t come back. “From Gondor?” It wouldn’t be the first time Aragorn paid us a surprise visit.

 

“Nay, not from Gondor.” Eómer opens the door to the adjourning room and then steps aside. “You should greet them, son, as they are here for you.”

 

I frown as Eómer’s behavior puzzles me. He isn’t acting like himself. “I will…” I’m on my guard when I pass Eómer by and step into the small room. Two visitors await me, dressed in gray cloaks and their faces hidden in the folds of the fabric. I want to ask Eómer for advice, but my father has already shut the door. Thank you for your help, Eómer!

 

I focus on the situation at hand and incline my head. “Welcome to Rohan.” What else am I supposed to say? I don’t know who they are and why they are here! “I will ready rooms for you so you can freshen up and rest after your long journey.” It vexes me that they don’t react and that also makes me nervous. Who am I dealing with? I *do* know though that they present no danger, otherwise Eómer would never have allowed me to face them alone.

 

“Child, do you not recognize us? Granted, three years is a long time in the world of Man, but not *that* long!”

 

I recognize the sulky voice at once. “Celeborn!” But how can this be? The messenger never returned from the Golden Wood… How can Celeborn be here?

 

“Ah, at least you are happy to see me again.” Celeborn throws back the hood of his cloak and grins at me. “It is good to see you again! By the grace of the Valar, you have grown, child!” He chuckles softly. “Nay, you are not a child anymore… You have come of age… You are a man now.”

 

“Celeborn!” Acting on instinct, I cover the distance between us and wrap my arms around him, hugging him tight. “I had hoped you would come, but I wasn’t sure you would.”

 

“Peace, Haleth and let me breathe. Your arms squeeze the air out of me!”

 

He’s exaggerating of course, but I still feel flattered. I release him and offer him a shy smile. “I’m not *that* strong.”

 

Celeborn merely inclines his head and grins secretively. “You should welcome my companion too, Haleth. After all, you two are the reason why I am here.”

 

I can’t control the tremors that shake my hand when I reach for the hood of the second visitor. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but what if it’s Leadir and he didn’t forget about me? “May I?” My voice trembles too and it shows my nervousness.

 

“Aye, you may…”

 

My eyes widen and my hand shakes badly when I push back the hood to reveal Leadir’s face. I stare at him and unable to react to his presence as I still can’t believe that he’s here.

 

“Why are you shocked?” asks Leadir. “Did you not know in your heart that I would return to you on this day?”

 

He hasn’t changed much – maybe the eyes have darkened a bit, and his hair has grown longer, but the smile is still the same. “I… I….” I stutter and the words won’t come to me. For the last three years I hoped that my instincts were right and that Leadir would come back, but now that it has actually happened, I can’t believe it.

 

Celeborn whispers into Leadir’s ear and it’s something I fail to catch. I’m desperately trying to think of something to say, to show Leadir how happy I’m that he’s back, but…I’m too stunned to think of anything!

 

Leadir’s smile brightens at hearing Celeborn’s words and suddenly he raises his arms. He pulls me into them and I move into them. I rest my head against his shoulder and in an odd moment, realize I’m the tallest now. I fold my arms around him and hold him tight. “You came back.” I’m rather stating the obvious, but at least I managed to say something!

 

Leadir chuckles and pulls me tightly against him. “Of course I did. I love you or did you forget about that?”

 

“Nay, I didn’t!” I state at once, a bit upset that he would think I might forget. “I merely thought I couldn’t be so lucky that you would come back to me. I feared you would sail with Celeborn and that I would never see you again.”

 

“You are a fool,” Leadir says in a wicked voice. “Did you forget about offering Celeborn a place to stay should he grow lonely in the Golden Wood? We are here to take you up on your offer. We want to live here, Haleth…”

 

I swallow hard and shift my gaze from Leadir to Celeborn. “Is that the truth? Are you staying? I don’t have to say goodbye to Leadir again?”

 

Celeborn nods. “Have a little faith in me, child. You should know me by now.”

 

I feel relieved: a great burden has lifted from my shoulders. “You’re staying… Leadir, you’re staying!” I hug him again, this time so forceful, that Leadir protests softly. I loosen my grip on him and smile at him. “I love you too… I never stopped thinking about you, Leadir. I felt lonely… I yearned for your company… All I could do was hope that you would come back to me on this day and when it passed by and there was no word from the Golden Wood, my courage deserted me.” Leadir places his palm against my face and rubs the skin of my cheek. It’s good to have him back. I feel comfortable with him touching me, and even more, I crave more of it.

 

“I had to finish my education and so did you… We were too young back then and needed to mature…Our love remained and that is the most important thing, Haleth. We still feel deeply for each other and I here now, ready to explore and deepen that love, if you desire so.”

 

I quickly nod. “I do… I do… I want you to stay with me and I want… I want to love you…and be loved in turn. Leadir, I… don’t know how to say this, but…”

 

“It is all right,” says Leadir in a soothing voice. “I know your heart… All you need to say is that you love me.”

 

“I love you,” I say promptly, “stay with me?”

 

Haleth nods. “This time, I will.”

 

~~~

 

I hold onto Leadir’s hand when we join the others in the Hall again. I search for Legolas and find him in conversation with Eómer. The smile on his face tells me that he already knows about the identity of our visitors and that he approves of them being here. “Let us greet Legolas,” I tell Leadir and he nods. I guide him over there and we stand in front of Eómer and Legolas, who are both giving us pleased looks.

 

“You have visitors, Haleth…” says Legolas with a wicked undertone.

 

“Aye, I do… You remember Leadir, don’t you?”

 

Legolas nods. “Of course… I did not forget about you, Leadir Haldirion. You are most welcome here. My son must be relieved that you returned here. I trust you plan on staying here?”

 

Although Legolas appears warm and welcoming, I catch the warning in his words. He will not take it well, if Leadir only showed up on his way to the Havens.

 

“Aye, I am here to stay,” replies Leadir in a firm voice. “I do not plan on leaving until the day Haleth dies. I trust that answers your question?”

 

I feel slightly shocked at their exchange, but Celeborn gives me a reassuring look. He moves closer and whispers, “Do not worry… This is normal behavior… As your father, Legolas must make sure Leadir’s intentions are honorable. They will behave once everything is in the open.” I hope he’s right… I didn’t count on Legolas being so protective. For some reason, Eómer prefers to stay out of it, or maybe, he feels shocked too.

 

“Peace, Legolas Thranduilion. Leadir’s intentions are honorable. He will stay and so will I… Your son was kind enough to offer an old Elf like me a place to stay and I rather like Rohan. You breed good horses here!”

 

Legolas’ gaze shifts from Leadir to me. “You offered Celeborn a home here?”

 

I’m not sure how to read Legolas’ mood and eventually, I shrug. “He said that he felt lonely in the Golden Wood and that’s when I told him that he will always have a home here… I hope I didn’t speak too rashly?” Legolas’ stern expression disappears and he smiles instead. I also see pride in his eyes and I feel relieved. Apparently I did the right thing after all.

 

“Nay, you did not. I approve of your actions. Both Celeborn and Leadir are welcome to live here. I will ready rooms for you, Celeborn… Do you need any too, Leadir?”

 

I elbow Leadir in his side when he is about to shake his head and decline the offer. “Don’t! It’s a trick question. Trust me, Legolas wouldn’t allow us to live together yet. If you want to make a good impression, tell him that you want them!” Leadir quickly catches on, thankfully.

 

“I would prefer my own rooms, Legolas, if it is not too inconvenient.”

 

Legolas gives me a knowing look and I give him my most innocent smile.

 

“It is decided then. Celeborn and Leadir stay in Rohan,” says Eómer, who appears fed up with the verbal scheming on Legolas’ part. “And now, make merry, for this is a joyous evening indeed! Haleth, why don’t you teach Leadir how to dance?”

 

Eómer actually gives me a wink, which makes me blush. “Let’s go.” I drag Leadir with me, not because I want to dance, but because I want some privacy. Behind me Eómer starts to laugh – apparently he finds this highly amusing. Let him… Leadir’s mine now – that’s all that matters to me.

 

The end


End file.
